Angels Among Us By Ann Lindaman ©
My Grandmother and I were extremely close. She could have lived another 94 years, and it still wouldn’t have been enough time for me. She was an amazing woman. Enduring a lifetime of hardship, including the murder of one of her sons. But you would not have known it to meet her. She very rarely saw the bad things, choosing to dwell only on the good things, and she managed to always find the good. I remember her telling me many times, that life is like a roller coaster, sometimes it’s up and sometimes it’s down. Might seem pretty simplified, but it sure is the truth.
I truly believe that my Grandmother has sent me several signs since she’s passed away, to assure me that life will be ok. This past week was especially difficult for me. Seemed that roller coaster of hers was only on the downhill side. Even in the latter part of the week, when our elderly neighbor, blew a kiss at me. He’s a dear sweet man, whose health has been bad for years. He’s almost always in his chair by the front window when I come home, and always waves as if he’s been waiting all day just for that moment. I know he hasn’t, but it feels as if he has been. This particular day, he was sitting outside, and instead of waving, he blew me a kiss. That of course put a huge smile on my face, but unfortunately, it didn’t last long. As I entered my house, I realized just how much I was going to miss him when he’s gone. Who will blow me a kiss? Wallowing in self pity, I managed to ruin even that precious gesture of his.
The next day didn’t prove to be any better. On my way home, I heard the song “Circle of Life” sung by Elton John in the “Lion King”. I was nearly hysterical. The last time I had heard that song, we were on our way to the airport to fly to Detroit for my Grandmothers funeral. I planned to go home, have a good cry, and hide from the world. But when I turned the corner near our house, I saw my daughter and my sons cars in the driveway. Trying to pull myself together, I came into the house, and was greeted by my two grandchildren, who seemed ecstatic to see me! It was the ultimate circle of life, and I know that my guardian angel, my Grandmother, had arranged that just for me. I can’t tell you how overwhelmed I was by it. But I can quote part of a song that Alabama sings called “Angels Among Us”, which goes: “I believe, there are angels among us, sent down to us, from somewhere up above, they come to you and me, in our darkest hours, to show us how to live, to teach us how to give, to guide us with the light of love.”
And I also believe that those angels aren’t just the angels that have passed onto another life, but that we find them in all sorts of places. Sometimes we just have to open our eyes and see that they’re there, and let them into our hearts.
September 1998
Two years have passed since you left us Grandma. I know that we all still miss you, and I just wanted you to know that I still think of you almost each and every day. You’ve been my guardian angel since I was born, but more so since you left this earth. I still travel in my car with your sweet picture on my visor, above my head, guiding me from work and home, unharmed. The same picture hangs next to my computer, so I’ll never forget how much you meant to me. Every time I hear a bird sing, I think of you. Today is a perfect spring day, and I remember well how much you loved days like these, and how you listened to the birds sing as if they were speaking only to you. I still think some of them were. for they knew it was you.
I also want to acknowledge that you are still among us, as an angel. I know some people don’t believe in angels, but I know you are with me. Like the day you sent the bald eagle to let me know that you were watching, and that everything would be alright. It’s certainly not everyday that a bald eagle flies over ones car a few times, and then lands on the side of the road, to give you that look of peace and calm. Also the time that I made the agonizing decision to change jobs. I was so frightened the day I accepted the new position, I could hardly breathe. I took a second to look out the window, and in a beautiful blue sky, there was a wondrous rainbow. Now some people might say that rainbows happen all the time, but aren’t they usually on a rainy or stormy day? This day was a warm, sunny August day. Not the normal setting for a rainbow. But you were telling me to have hope, and again that everything would be ok. There’s been many times I’ve felt your presence Grandma, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.
You touched many lives on your time hear on earth. From the day you were born, January 24, 1902 until the day you died, April 7, 1997, this world had the privilege of having you in it. You counted. You were a remarkable and very special person, who saw only the good in everyone, and just for that, you made this world a better place.
You still touch my heart and soul Grandma. I will never forget you, as long as I live. I still miss you, but I know you’re in a far better place. This world needs more people like you to straighten out the senseless fighting, racism, and other horrible things we humans manage to do hurt one another. I know that you’re still enjoying the song of the birds, the majestic beauty of the mountains and the oceans, the flight of the eagle, and the wonder of all the rainbows. Yet I also know that you have time to still watch over your family.
Ya vas lubem Moja draha stara mama. For those of you who don’t know Slovak, or have forgotten, as I have, that means I love you my dearest Grandma. A special thank you to Al Varga for passing that onto me.
By Ann Lindaman (Anniska) © April 5th, 1999
Most people think their Moms are great, that’s only natural. There are those who have had the misfortune of having a Mom who isn’t there for them, and that’s such a travesty. We should all be able to count on our Moms as I have been able to do with mine. Without that trust, how can we form lasting relationships? How can we trust, if we have not been able to trust our Mothers. I feel my mother deserves credit and recognition and that's why I have written this.
My Mom grew up in a small town in Vermont, and from a very young age longed to go to New York City. Her parents were seemingly average people. Her Mom was a bit distant, but not abusive or anything. I think that’s just the way she was raised. Grandma followed protocol. Manners and grace were everything to her, and she felt it important to teach these things to her children and grandchildren. Often times, she was mistaken for being gruff, but I didn’t see her that way. I barely remember my Mom’s Dad. By all accounts, he was the laughing daddy we’d all like to have, but died at a young age of lung cancer. Mom had an older brother that maybe stole the spotlight at times, but “little Mary” was able to find her spot in Fair Haven Vermont, and keep her dream alive of going to New York! In those days, it was unheard of to just run off to “find yourself”. A young woman would have to have a rock solid plan, and someone to watch over them in order to go to such a place! So, my mother enrolled in Nurses training at Bellevue Hospital. After High School Graduation, my five foot , clarinet playing Mom went off to NYC to become a nurse! She recalls her time in NYC with fondness. She thrived on the vitality and sophistication of the city. After she passed her boards, she went to Los Angeles to work in the Veterans Hospital.
That’s where she met my Dad. He was handsome, charming, intelligent and studying to be a Doctor. They fell in love, and my Mom gave her heart and soul to a man who would prove unworthy of this love and trust.. To make a long story short, she worked to put him through medical school, and set goals of becoming a successful couple.
After medical school, they relocated to the Detroit area, which is where my Dad is from. They set up practice and my Mom worked side by side with my Dad to help his new medical practice get off the ground. During the years they were married, they found they were unable to have children, and adopted my sister and me.
I was six and my sister was two when my Mom found the strength she needed to leave my Father. She planned her escape well, as it had to be, since my Dad would have undoubtedly done something to stop her, and no telling what that might have been. She took her two young daughters to Vermont, until she could pull herself together. She returned to the Detroit area, and took a nursing job, bought a small house, and began the task of raising two girls herself.
Mom always had a way of making things special. Being a single parent with very little help was difficult and she had to make every penny count. But we always had proper clothing, food, and as I said, she could turn even the smallest holiday, like Valentines Day, St Patricks Day, or the 4th of July into a celebration. She loved and still does love to decorate for events like that. Balloons, streamers, colored jello. Anything to make the day festive.
Sometimes we would visit our Dad for a couple of weeks in the summer, and we’d always come back to our room redone in a bright cheerful color. Not new spreads and curtains, like people think they have to do today, but Mom would dye them to a color that she thought would make the room cheery. I’ll never forget the time she dyed everything a bright sun yellow! I still smile thinking about how vibrant that room was.
Raising two children on her own could not have been easy, especially when the oldest one was hell bent on being independent of everyone. To put it mildly, I put my mother through some rough times, but we overcame all that, and are now the best of friends. She is an amazing person. She’s always stayed fit, but since she retired over 15 years ago, she has maintained her fitness, both physically as well as mentally. She walks in the summer, swims in the winter, and goes to exercise class three days a week. She continues educating herself, on things that she enjoys, or is interested in. She bought a computer, and is doing very well finding her way around mysterious cyberspace.
My Mom is someone who should be profoundly proud of herself, and yet, she views her life as something she was given, and makes the best of it. She doesn’t allow herself time to wallow. She keeps herself busy, fit and entertained. I’ve always secretly wished that my Mom would find someone to share her life with, but she insists that she’s happy living by herself. Of course, she’s not really by herself. She has two cats, Molly and Polly. Molly was given to her because Molly needed a good home. Up till that time, Mom only had one cat. His name was Sam, and Mom and Sam were real buddies. They seemed to understand one another. But as fate would have it, Sam got old and sick, and died. A few months later, Molly came into Mom’s life. Molly’s a sweetheart. Always has something to say, and always glad to see you. One day, Mom decided that Molly needed a friend, so she brought another cat home, one that looked like Molly, but was basically just a kitten. Polly was and continues to be the opposite of Molly. She’s aloof, will only let Mom near her, and she basically doesn’t have time for the rest of us! Then, one day a little over a year ago, Mom went out to the vet’s office to buy some cat food. There was a gorgeous Pomeranian there. His name was Charmer. Charmer had been a show dog, and a stud, and when he became too old to fulfill his duties, the owners “put him out to pasture” so to speak. He wasn’t able to earn them any money or trophies, so they didn’t want this nine year old, sweet, beautiful animal anymore. My Mother was appalled that anyone could get rid of a creature as wonderful as him, just because of his age, so she brought him home as well. Charmer could not have found a better place to spend his dwindling time. He’s treated like a King!!
So, I suppose I have no choice but to believe my Mother is as happy as can be. I see her over there with her house full of animals, her studies, her computer, and of course tennis and baseball. If she feels her life is full, then who am I to doubt that? I’m just so very lucky to have her as my Mother. Thank God my birthparents gave me to her and her to me. I couldn’t have picked a better Mother, if I had been given a line up of thousands of women! She’s a wonderful role model, and I am so proud to be her daughter. I love her with all my heart! My Mother is the “wind beneath my wings”.
March, 1999
