Eternal Night By Ann Lindaman ©
Chapter 1 Eternal Night
It had been such a long time since she felt like this. So long, that she thought the feelings were a long past fantasy of youth. But here they were again, as alive as the birds singing in the cedars, and the roses blooming with all their glory in the garden. As alive as the majestic mountains that she now called home, the ever flowing babbling brook running peacefully near her cabin and as alive as this man with ocean blue eyes and long flowing black hair standing before her.
Rachael had come to the mountains with full intentions of being totally alone, without need for anyone. All she wanted to do was to hide from the world and all the people in it that had hurt her. She wasn't bitter and she didn't feel sorry for herself, she just wanted to be alone. She felt she needed and wanted to shut down. She wanted only to be with the majestic mountains, the birds, the trees and most importantly, peaceful thoughts, nothing else.
She knew that all her experiences; both good and bad had contributed to the person she was today. She was grateful for some, regretful of others, and wanted so to forget a few of the life lessons she had learned. She truly thought living in the mountains with solitude would help her achieve that inner peace she was seeking. She wasn't prepared for the onslaught of feelings that were overwhelming her mind and body at this moment.
His name was Tristin. She had hired him through someone in the village over the phone to fix the porch steps before she came up to the mountain. She couldn't help but noticed how handsome he was, however she was also keenly aware of the difference in their ages. The furthest thing from her mind when she came to the mountain was to have any sort of relationship with anyone. She thought him to be in his late twenties. Rachael was in her early forties. She felt that her body, even though it was remarkable for her age had begun to feel and look it's every year. However, during the few days she had been there, the embrace of the mountain had already allowed the feelings she had been experiencing about herself to soften somewhat. Maybe that's why her spirit was allowing these emotions to take her breath away.
Tristin had just finished fixing the front step when Rachael asked him if he'd like a glass of iced tea. He appeared to be a little nervous, but she thought that maybe she had startled him. He thanked her for the offer and began to climb the steps to the porch where she was waiting with the glass in her hand. As he reached for the glass, his hand brushed against her arm with the touch of a feather. Their eyes met. It was as though time stood still. Rachael felt paralyzed. She could no longer hear the birds singing or the water lapping against the rocks in the brook or the wind rustling in the Cedar trees. All she could hear was him breathing and her heart pounding. They both just stood there with their eyes fixed on each other.
Then suddenly, Rachael began to feel the emotions flooding her body. First the cold shiver from the soft touch, then the warmth of a sunny summer day. Tristin reached over and touched her face. Rachael put the glass down on the rail of the porch, took her hand and brushed some wind swept strands of his black hair away from his face and took his hand in hers. He could feel the warmth of her body even standing at arm length. He pulled her to him and gently kissed her face. He kissed her forehead, followed by her cheeks and her neck. Rachael could feel his breath on her neck and in her ears. She began to tremble. He softly whispered in her ear, "don't be afraid". She turned her face towards his and whispered back, "I'm not afraid", and then they kissed. Their lips touched, ever so gently, much like their first touch. Then the kiss became more intense, and soon their lips and tongues were as one, both hungrily seeking the other. Tristin bent slightly and gently lifted Rachael into his arms. He took her inside the cabin and made love to her. After making love with all the passion in their hearts and souls, they fell asleep in each other's arms. When they woke at dawn's first light, neither of them had moved. They had held each other in their sleep and dreams with as much intensity as they had made love hours before.
They made love once again and then as softly as he had told her not to be afraid, he whispered "I must go". She nodded in confirmation, as she knew he could not stay. They both knew that she must continue her quest for the inner peace and inner strength that she came to the mountains seeking. And they both knew that he had a long youthful life ahead of him. Lives for both that did not include the other. But the memory of one glorious night would be forever burned into their hearts and souls. A night touched with a passion that Rachael thought was gone from her being forever, but was only yearning to be released. Tristin saw that passion and hunger in Rachael's eyes even before she knew it was there. He knew that a moment like this might never happen to him again. It was a moment so free of anything but the thought of a beautiful woman who stood before him and gave herself to him without hesitation, without regret. It was a moment that only dreams and fantasies are made of. But he also knew that she belonged elsewhere. If not today, but when she was ready. He knew that she must return to her life.
Tristin got dressed and knelt next to the bed one last time. He laid a wildflower on the nightstand. Tears of many emotions gently fell from Rachael's eyes. He gently kissed her lips and said, "I'm not going to say goodbye, because this night must not ever end in our hearts. It has no beginning and no end; it will exist for all time." Once again, she was paralyzed and could only look into his deep blue eyes. He turned and walked out the door. Rachael closed her eyes and knew that her life would never be the same. She knew that she would find the inner peace and strength she so desperately desired. She knew the process had begun. She was once again alive with a passion for life that would last in her heart forever.
Rachael slept the entire day and the following night after Tristin left. When she opened her eyes, the sunlight was streaming through the window; catching the piece of crystal she had hanging in the window. The wind was blowing gently, causing the leaves outside to rustle and some of them flutter like feathers outside the window. She felt dazed at first. She wondered briefly if Tristin had been a dream. Rachael turned to the nightstand and saw the beautiful wildflower lying there knowing that Tristin had placed it there. Yes he was as real as the wind, the sun and the flower lying beside her. Her body was still as he had left it, naked and so serene. Though the tears were trickling down her cheek she couldn't help but smile. She knew she would remember that day and night the rest of her life, and she knew that the experience would somehow change the course of her life.
Rachael climbed out of bed, part of her not wanting to leave this place that had brought her such joy, but knowing it was time. Time to get up and decide what she was going to do with the rest of her life. She was now aware that her need for solitude was coming to an end. It was time to reflect, to figure out what had brought her to this remote place she now thought of as home. She took a long warm shower, closing her eyes as she ran the soap across every inch of her body and feeling the touch of the gentle lover that had shared this shower with her only 24 hours before. Her body felt free, she didn't want to dress it. She wrapped herself in the sheet from the bed, grabbed a cup of coffee and went outside to the porch swing. She could still smell him on the sheet, and everywhere she turned was a beautiful reminder of Tristin: the bed, the shower, and now the porch where their eyes and bodies first made contact. It was hard for her to believe that this had really happened to her. Rachael had never thought of herself as extremely attractive and up until now she thought things like this only happened in the movies. Briefly she thought of trying to find him, but her heart knew that this was all that could ever be for them, and that the reasons for their brief but everlasting love would show itself in time.
For a long time, all she could think of was Tristin. She retraced every scene in her mind over and over again. For hours her mind recalled each touch she felt from his hand, his every breath touching her soul and each precious word he had whispered softly to her. Her body began to ache with the desire she felt when he first touched her hand. The feelings and lovemaking had been so intense that she could still recall every second that he had been with her. Hours had passed before Rachael wanted to move from the porch. All she wanted to do was remember every detail, every splendid moment they had shared. She didn't want to ever forget one single detail.
Night began to fall and her thoughts began to take a different direction. They turned towards the events and the people and the reasons she was alone in the mountains in the first place. Her memory took her back to a time before she felt she no longer had anything to offer anyone. To a time where she was someone's little girl, a little girl who was loved and happy. She could remember that, couldn't she? It wasn't just a fantasy, or was it? No, every child is loved in some way. She couldn't bear to think otherwise. Then much like reading a book, Rachael began to remember the long account of her life. It was time to face that life story, search her soul, and find herself once again.
Rachael spent another six weeks at the cabin in total solitude. The only communication with the outside world was the few trips she made into the small village about twenty miles from the cabin. The time passed so quickly, but she realized how lucky she was to be able to take this time to come to this beautiful peaceful place for the entire summer. She was also lucky to have this cabin which she had inherited, along with enough money to be able to take the time off. She felt she had accomplished what she came for. She had spent that time searching and calming her soul, sharing her innermost thoughts on paper and managing to put some things of the past to rest, hopefully forever. She began preparing to return to her life that she left before she had come to her haven of calm. She knew she would miss this place, but she knew she would return to it. Perhaps not for the length of time she had spent this summer, but she would make it at least once a year to renew the inner peace and the strength she wanted to keep so desperately. Rachael wondered if it wasn't really the memory of Tristin that would bring her back to these mountains each year, the memory of the most unforgettable 24 hours of her life. She relived those 24 hours over and over again in her mind. The memories were bittersweet, but she wanted to continue to relive them so that not even one solitary detail would escape her memory or her heart.
With only a few days left in her mountain retreat, Tristin was all she could think about. She began to wonder if she should have let him go so easily. But she wondered also if he really would have wanted to stay if she had asked him. Thoughts were flying through Rachael's head as she was packing, cleaning, and preparing to return home. Her now somewhat panicked thoughts were of Tristin, of home, and of this place that had become home. Part of her cried out to stay, and yet she knew if she didn't return, her life would be forever changed. But then she also knew that changing her life was why she had come here. She knew that she ached to have love in her life. Was it love and/or Tristin that she desired or was she simply lonely? The calm that she had developed over these weeks was disappearing like a beautiful sunrise that one doesn't want to see end. Rachael began to cry. She cried for that inner peaceful calm that she was losing so quickly, she cried for her life and for the life of all lost souls in the world. She cried for a life she wasn't sure she wanted, she cried because she felt so selfish knowing there were people in the world beyond these mountains that were suffering far more than she could dream of, but most of all she cried because she would never see Tristin again. She fell asleep amidst her tears in the big oversized chair near the fireplace. As she drifted off, she told herself that tomorrow she would pull herself back together and resume what she'd worked so hard for and continue the course of action that she had planned. But for tonight, she was going to allow herself to grieve for this place she didn't want to leave and for a brief, once in a lifetime love that she would never have again. She was learning that embracing her pain and sadness rather than to push it away, wasn't so bad, for she knew that she could also feel joy again.
The dawn broke with the singing of the spectacular mountain birds, the glorious sun rising over the east range of mountains with the most beautiful colors Rachael had ever seen. She felt as though God were speaking to her. She remembered the promise she made to herself the night before about not letting all her hard work just slip away. She smiled at the thought of God reminding her in this way, through the beauty, peace and calm of the mountains. Rachael started the stove and put some water on to make some coffee and went in to shower. Most of her clothes and personal items were packed, so when she opened the closet to choose something to wear, there were very few pieces to choose from. Hanging there in front of her was a dress that she didn't want to pack until the last minute, so it wouldn't get so wrinkled. Why she brought the dress with her, she didn't really know. She hadn't worn it and didn't plan to, which made Rachael laugh a little at herself for being so careful as not to wrinkle the dress. Then something in her told her she should wear the dress today. What was she saving it for anyway? It wasn't that it was a fancy dress for any particular event; it's just that lately she felt most comfortable in jeans, t-shirts or oversized sweats. Maybe wearing this today would help give her back the perspective she lost for a short time yesterday. Yes, she thought, this is what I need to complete this already beautiful day.
After Rachael was dressed, she stopped in front of the mirror. She realized she really hadn't taken a good look at herself for quite awhile. She had a nice tan, had lost a few pounds, and the long flowing light sky blue cotton dress looked nice on her. She did look nice, and she honestly felt as though she looked good. For a moment, she saw the woman she wanted to be. A woman even though gaining in years was still pleasing to look at. She was a woman who had grown stronger in these past few weeks than she had ever been in her adult life. A woman, who knew who she was and even though she was a little frightened at returning to the life she left behind, felt as though she could deal now with it.
She took her coffee to the porch and sat on the porch swing. A few minutes later Rachael heard the sound of an engine in the distance. She hadn't been frightened living out here, but it did cause her to take notice when someone was coming. There really was no need for anyone to come up this far on the mountain road. She'd been picking her mail up at the post office in town once a week when she went in for supplies. She had no idea who could be driving up the lane. As the sound of the vehicle got closer, she rose to go inside, at least until she could see who it was. But as she opened the door, she glanced down the lane, and could see it was a familiar truck. A truck she hadn't expected to see ever again. It was his. It was Tristin's. She felt as though her heart had stopped beating and it was difficult to breathe. She couldn't move, her feet frozen to the threshold of the doorway. She couldn't think, her mind racing so fast that there wasn't one complete thought entering it. She just stood there and watched his truck winding its way up the lane.
All Rachael could do was stand in the doorway; her eyes fixed on the approaching pickup, and try to breathe. As Tristin stopped his truck in front of the cabin, Rachael heard the screen door slam behind her even though she didn't feel herself let go of it. She took a step or two towards the front of the porch. Tristin took what seemed a very long time to get out of his pickup. Slowly, he opened the truck door, stood up, turned and began to walk towards the porch. As he started up the steps, Rachael took another move towards the steps. Then, like a miracle they were standing in front of one another in the exact spot where their eyes had first met. The same place their bodies had touched for the first time. They were both trembling. Simultaneously they reached their arms out toward the other. With tears streaming down both of their faces, they embraced and held each other so closely that they felt as one again. Their lips met, his tongue parting her lips and searching for her tongue. Nothing could have stopped that kiss. A volcano could have erupted in the closest mountain and shook the cabin to its foundation and neither of them would have noticed. They were totally committed to this kiss. A kiss they had both longed to taste again. One they had both dreamed of over and over. The kiss continued like an ageless river flowing for all time. They didn't speak until their kiss had captured and sealed what they both wanted. They wanted each other.
With one gentle swoop, Tristin picked Rachael up in his strong, tanned arms and carried her through the door. He wanted to rip the clothes from her body, and Rachael felt the same way, but the tenderness each of them had within kept them from doing that. Slowly he reached behind her and unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor. Chills ran down her spine as her anticipation mounted. Rachael lifted his T-shirt over his head and let fall to the floor with her dress. Her soft hand touching his skin was almost more than he could take. Their bodies pressed firmly together as he unhooked her bra. After removing it, he stepped back to gaze at her body. For a split second she felt embarrassed. But the love Rachael felt for Tristin gave way to any modesty or shyness she possessed. How could she feel anything but longing and desire for this man that she thought of night and day for so long? For she knew he felt the same way. She knew by the look in his eyes, his touch, his kiss, and his every breath.
He slowly got on his knees, covering her neck, her chest, and her stomach with butterfly kisses. As he reached her waistline, his hands took hold of her panties and slowly he slid them over her hips, down her thighs. His gaze and touch lingering as though this was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his life. Rachael began to tremble. Her body was on fire. To have this man treat her as though she was a goddess was almost unimaginable. She gasped as he kissed her thighs and pulled her panties the rest of the way off. As Tristin began to stand, he picked Rachael up and carried her to the bedroom where he laid her down on the fluffy white comforter and lace pillows that adorned her bed. Continuing to cover her body with soft gentle butterfly kisses while his strong, yet gentle hands were exploring every part of her body; he positioned himself between her legs. It seemed as though she was in a dream. It was unbelievable to her that this could be really happening again. Her body had never felt this wonderful, this wanted, this hot. Never before, had she wanted anyone to make love to her as badly as she wanted Tristin this minute. With loving abandon, he slowly drove himself deep inside her Rachael moaned and called his name as he filled her body, her heart and soul with his. They made love several times, till they fell asleep with exhaustion in each other's arms. If one of them would stir ever so slightly they would become one again, and each time they made love it was full of a soul building bond that could never be broken. This sumptuous lovemaking continued throughout the night and into the early morning hours. They rose to shower as the dawn broke; making love once again as the water rinsed the soap away like rain refreshing the earth as it falls from the sky.
Rachael made coffee and they carried their cups to the porch. It was a little chilly, but neither of them noticed. The air was crisp and the birds were singing. It sounded as if the birds were singing a symphony for these two souls who had been brought together once again. Tristin explained that he had returned to finish fixing the porch and with the hope that Rachael had been yearning for him as much as he’d been of her. It was evident to both of them that they had thought of little else from the moment he left six weeks before. Rachael told him that if he had waited a few more days, that she would have been gone. They knew that destiny or divine intervention had brought them together again and somehow would not ever keep them apart. They sat on the porch swing, listening to the music of the birds, the water in the brook and the gentle breezes whistling through the trees. It was such a happy, calm sound and one that brought great peace to both Rachael and Tristin.
They enjoyed a light breakfast of warm lemon-poppy seed muffins and more coffee. Hours passed while they sat in the swing, just talking and laughing, holding hands, kissing, and cuddling. Rachael suggested they have lunch at the lake, so they got dressed, packed up a basket of food, grabbed a blanket and slowly walked hand in hand down the path that led to the lake. On the way, Tristin picked a handful of wildflowers for Rachael. It was the same specie of flower that he had softly and lovingly left her on the nightstand that morning so many weeks ago. The flowers brought tears to her eyes and he turned to her, lifted her face to meet his, gently kissed her and whispered, “don’t be afraid”. She knew that this time he would not leave her in the morning. She knew that somehow this love would last and they would find a way to stay together. And as she looked deep into his ocean blue eyes and said, “I’m not afraid”, he knew that slipping into the still of the morning with only a beautiful memory could never happen. They smiled at one another and continued their walk to the lake.
Upon reaching the spot near the lake that Rachael had come to feel so comfortable, they laid the blanket out under the tree. Tristin sat down and leaned his back up against the tree and watched Rachael remove everything she had packed in the basket. Her every move was so graceful and thoughtful. Her blue cotton dress was swaying freely with each movement. Rachael sat next to him once she finished unpacking. Tristin opened the wine and poured two glasses. Their arms intertwined and they placed the glass at each other’s lips filling one another’s mouth with the intoxicating taste of the full-bodied Merlot. Tristin pulled her closer and kissed her softly, the taste of the wine still lingering on her lips. They fed each other strawberries; sometimes dipping the sweet juicy berries in chocolate sometimes whipped cream.
They were both so content, so happy, and so at peace with the obvious however still silent decisions they were making. They were also both a little hesitant to begin talking about where their lives would go from here. How they would keep this love from slipping through their fingers. They began thinking that neither of them knew anything about the other. For all Rachael knew, he could be married. She quickly tried to push that thought out of her mind. Up till now, their hearts, minds, soul and bodies had done most of their talking. Tristin was thinking the same thing. Wondering if he should have inquired before letting himself become involved with this amazing woman. But realizing as well, that it wasn’t a matter of letting or not letting himself, he knew that she was his destiny. Rachael knew this as well, but she thought that perhaps it was time to learn of each other’s lives. The lives they led outside of this serene mountain cabin, the lives that were waiting for them. Each of them panicked briefly; afraid of how or if this love would end, afraid that they would end up breaking each other's hearts. The silence was broken when she asked him to tell her about his life. He needed to know if she was married before plunging into his life's story though. With great fear in his heart, he looked deep into her brown eyes and asked, “Are you married”? She softly said, “no” and with the same fear she asked, “Are you”? And he smiled and said, “No”. Sighs of relief escaped from both of them. Looking up into his eyes and smiling, Rachael asked once again, “please tell me about your life”. He kissed her gently and turned her around so that she her back was leaning against him, her head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around her, and their hands firmly gripped together. Close behind her ear, his warm, soft, deep voice began to share with her the life he had before they met six weeks ago.
Tristin grew up on a ranch in Montana. His father was a carpenter for a time in Los Angeles where he met Tristin’s mother. They were deeply in love and against the wishes of her Italian family, they married and a few years later moved to Montana. His mother, Sarah, was a small woman with coal black hair, and the gentleness of saint. She always possessed a deep sadness for the loss of her family, but she was so in love, she wouldn’t have been anywhere but where she was. His father, John had been raised in Los Angeles as was Sarah, but they decided that wasn’t the life they wanted for their family. So they worked hard and saved every cent they could, and eventually bought a ranch in Montana. For years they prayed and planned for a large family, while John built a large home to accommodate that house full of children that they both wanted so desperately. Tristin was the first-born and Sarah and John were so happy. From the moment he was born Tristin seemed to possess the gentleness of his mother. He also shared with her their coal black hair and deep ocean blue eyes. John knew that there was a special quality that his son and wife shared. It was a gentle and kind quality that hopefully would continue to be passed from generation to generation. He just knew that they were special, and there was no doubt in his mind and the love he felt for his wife and son shown in the light of his eyes each and every day. He loved them both so much that he sometimes felt his life wasn’t real. John continued to build their large home while the three of them lived happily in the tiny little house that was on the ranch when they bought it. John also used his carpentry skills to build things for others in the area, earning money to build their home and buy horses to breed. John was a hard worker and extremely talented at his trade. He was a wonderful father; patient, kind and loved to show Tristin his craft. Tristin was always helping his Dad build something.
The only thing missing was the rest of the family that John and Sarah wanted to have. They were very happy with their lives, but they did so want to have more children. Years went by, and they had just about given the idea up of having any more children. Tristin was fifteen when his mother and father told him that he was going to have a baby brother or sister. He was as delighted as his parents were. They had talked about it so much that he seemed to want a brother or sister or both as much as they did.
One fiercely cold January night, during the worst blizzard they had seen since moving to Montana, Sarah went into labor. John and fifteen-year-old Tristin did what they could to help Sarah bring their miracle into the world, but they needed a doctor. Sarah and their beautiful baby girl both died that night. John was holding his baby girl in his arms and Tristin was holding his mother’s hand when they realized how quiet and still it was in the room. John and Tristin's lives would never be the same. They were both devastated and greatly unprepared for the death of their precious wife, mother and the baby they had prayed for all these years.
John withdrew from life. Not only was he not prepared to lose his wife, he didn’t know how to deal with his son’s loss. He was so deeply shattered by the death of his beloved Sarah that he just simply couldn’t cope with life or with Tristin. John would spend his time sitting a few hundred feet from the house where they had buried Sarah and Catherine. He spent countless hours building a white picket fence around their graves, planting flowers, and a bench to sit on when he visited the gravesite, which was often. There was an old Oak tree that draped over the entire area making the little plot of land quite picturesque but a constant and excruciating reminder of their loss. John spent hours and hours sitting on the bench, while Tristin tried to understand and keep their lives going. He did all the cooking, cleaning, chores involving the horses plus going to school. He missed many school days, as there were just too many things that had to be done. Breeding horses took time and hard work. Tristin was good with the horses though and he enjoyed the time he spent with them. He still had his mother’s softness and deep love for all living creatures. The horses were essentially all he had for friendship. They were miles from town and there was no time for making friends or doing all of the things that teenaged boys like to do.
Years passed and Tristin graduated from high school. Even after all the things that kept him from his schoolwork, somehow he managed to pass his classes. During the middle of his senior year a new student started at the school, and was in most of his classes. She was unlike the other girls in school. She was vivacious, free spirited and fun to be around. She made Tristin laugh, which felt so good to do again. Her name was Rebecca, but she told everyone she hated that name because it sounded so boring. She preferred to be called Becca. Becca and her Mom lived on the next ranch. You could just barely see their house from Tristin’s, except at night when you could see their lights through the darkness. Their ranch hadn’t been farmed for years, and was extremely run down, but Becca’s mom didn’t care because they were just passing through in search of more exciting and fun place to live. As soon as Becca graduated from high school the plan was to move on. There was something different about Becca and her mother. They seemed restless, unsettled and yet content to be unsettled and somewhat mysterious. Tristin found them to be very intriguing.
Tristin and Becca spent a lot of time together. Becca seemed to enjoy being around the horses, and Tristin taught her to ride. Tristin had never had a girlfriend; there just wasn’t time. The two grew closer and one night when Becca was helping feed and water the horses, they kissed. One thing let to another and in the heat of the moment they had sex in the horse barn in one of the empty stables. A few months later, Tristin learned that Becca was pregnant. Neither of them was prepared emotionally or financially for marriage, but there didn’t seem to be any other choice. His father still was unprepared to help his son deal with the responsibility that was facing Tristin and Rebecca. They married and lived with John in the house that John had built for his family. Becca’s mother had packed up and left town when she learned of her daughter’s pregnancy. Nobody seemed to know where she had gone. At least that’s what Becca said. During the last few months of her pregnancy, Becca stayed in town with a kind family that had befriended Tristin and his Dad during the lonely years after Sarah and Catherine died. Neither John nor Tristin wanted to have history repeat itself by Becca going into labor on the ranch.
Tristin continued to help his father, visited his wife often and basically tried to keep everything together. Tristin had acquired his father’s carpentry skills and was earning money building and fixing things for others. He also had made a profitable business from the breeding stock they owned. Even though he felt he wasn’t ready for more responsibility, he knew that he at least had a way to support his family. If there was ever a time that Tristin needed his father, it was then. John was so proud of his son, but he simply was unable to show it. He always felt that a huge part of him had died that night with his wife and daughter, and often he wished he had died as well. He tried to look forward to the birth of his grandchild, but all it did was remind him of what he’d lost. He failed to see what he still had. He couldn’t see that his son was the miracle that he and Sarah had created and that he was needed. All he could see was his own loss. Tristin was so remarkable, strong and independent that John didn’t think he needed him. But Tristin did need his father. He was afraid of the new responsibilities that were about to enter his life. However unfortunately Tristin didn’t show it and sadly, John didn’t know.
Hannah was born in April. Tristin wanted so much to name her Sarah Elizabeth, after his mother, but he was afraid that it would be too painful for his father, not to mention that Becca didn’t seem to be too fond of the idea. She was a beautiful baby that bore a striking resemblance to Sarah and Tristin with her coal black hair and deep penetrating blue eyes. Tristin was proud and he was a good father. He was a loving father; much like his own father was when he was small. Becca, on the other hand, resented the responsibility of motherhood. She was extremely edgy when Hannah cried, and was more than happy to let Tristin take over whenever she could. One morning when Hannah was about eight months old, Tristin came in from the stables to hear Hannah screaming. Tristin found Hannah in her crib, soaking wet and Becca was not home. He bathed his daughter, and after calming her down he went to the kitchen where he found a note from Becca, explaining that she just couldn’t deal with life on the ranch, and that she was sorry, but she was leaving and not coming back.
Stunned beyond belief he just sat on a chair, holding Hannah in his arms while she slept and he waited for his father to come hone. Barely nineteen, he just didn’t know how he was going to manage to care for his daughter by himself. When his Dad came home, they talked and they cried. John was beginning to realize what Tristin’s life had been like since his wife died. He promised Tristin that he would try harder to help him with the ranch, the carpentry jobs he had lined up and in raising Hannah. He looked at his granddaughter, still sleeping like a little angel, as though he hadn’t seen her before. Love flooded his heart as he realized that she was an angel, sent by Sarah to fill their lives with life and love once again. He wondered why it took him so long to realize it.
Sometimes it takes a tragedy or crisis to open one’s eyes. Becca’s leaving must have fallen into one of those categories. However, life was good after she left. Tristin had sometimes felt that he was taking care of two babies because she didn’t have the slightest interest in being a mother to Hannah. He tried not to be angry with her. He knew she was young and immature, and after all, without her, he wouldn’t have this amazing child. John kept his word and seemed to come alive again. It was because his son had shown him that he could no longer handle everything by himself and needed his Dad and also because his wonderful, beautiful granddaughter was going to need him as well. He realized that even though he was devastated when Sarah and Catherine died, deep down inside he was angry because they left. He was angry with them for leaving and angry with God for taking them. His anger had clouded his every thought, and once he realized that the two people who were still alive now needed him desperately and that those two people loved him, he felt that anger begin to melt away.
Hannah continued to grow amidst the loving care of her father and grandfather. Besides having Sarah and Tristin’s coal black hair, she had lots of curls. Those must have been an attribute from Becca. She was a joy, a breathtaking celebration of life. John and Tristin grew closer every day, and John was finally able to talk about Sarah without feeling the deep wounds left by her death. John even met someone that he had begun to care for a great deal. Linda was new schoolteacher who had started teaching in the elementary school that fall. Throughout that winter, John spent more and more time with Linda and in the spring announced to Tristin that they were going to be married. Tristin was happy for his father, but felt that it was now time to take his four-year-old daughter and start a life for just the two of them. His Dad needed to have a private life and a fresh start with his new bride as well.
A friend of Tristin’s told him about a very small ranch in the Rocky Mountains. He really hadn’t planned to move that far away from his father, but he did so love the horses. This place needed a lot of repair work, but there were stables for the amount of horses Tristin would want. His Dad had made him a partner in the family business they had. The carpentry work and the horses had provided very well for them. So, John paid Tristin handsomely for his share of their Montana ranch. Tristin made a trip to Colorado and instantly fell in love with the tiny ranch in the mountains. He bought it, spent a little time cleaning the tiny house up, went back to Montana, gathered up his belongings and Hannah and said goodbye to his father, Linda and to his boyhood home. He would surely miss this place, the horses that he’d come to love and most of all, his father. But he knew the time was right to break away and begin a life of his own and let his father continue with his.
Hannah seemed to love their new home as much as her Dad did. She asked about her Grandpa often, but she also asked constantly when they would get more horses. Getting settled that far up in the mountains was difficult and Tristin wanted to make sure that he didn’t get in over his head and not be able to deal with their first winter up there, so they had only purchased two. Everything was so far away. It was an adjustment for them, but they managed. The other reason that he felt they should start out with only two horses was because he wanted to spend some time getting the tiny cabin in shape. He worked hard, adding a room on so Hannah could have her own bedroom, shingling the roof, painting, sanding and varnishing the wood floors inside. He also made frequent trips to the small village 20 minutes away. Many times Tristin would have to order supplies through the general store there and then wait for sometimes weeks before they’d arrive. Planning ahead was essential. Just getting the necessary furniture was a big outing. They would have to drive the truck down the mountains to Denver. But they were happy. Word around the nearby village got out that Tristin was extremely handy with his hands, and people began asking if he would repair and sometimes build things for them. He told them he would have to wait till spring as he needed to make sure that he and Hannah had everything they needed to make it through the winter, and to make sure the house and stables were ready for possibly a long hard cold season. He was pleased with his decision to come here. They were isolated, but he had grown up that way, and this was his way of life. The only thing that haunted him was the fear that Hannah would become ill or injured during the heavy snows and they might not be able to get to a Doctor. He prayed every night for God to keep his precious daughter safe.
Hannah was deeply mesmerized by one of the horses. She named her Apple because she ate so many apples out of Hannah’s hands. She spent many hours talking to Apple. Sometimes Tristin would feel guilty and selfish for keeping his daughter from the outside world, but he also felt that he was protecting her, and sheltering her from losing the values he wanted her to grow up with. She certainly seemed happy and content enough. The first winter came and went. Tristin had planned for the winter well. He and his daughter spent lots of hours by the fireplace, talking, playing games, and teaching her the things a five-year-old should know. Schooling for Hannah was one thing he hadn’t decided on. He talked with some people in the village. Some schooled their children at home and some brought them into the village to catch a bus that took them an hour away to a larger town with a school. His stepmother had been sending him material so that he could begin teaching Hannah everything the other children her age were learning. Tristin hated the idea of his daughter being an hour away each day, and yet he didn’t want her to grow up with very little social skills. The couple that ran the general store had always been very helpful to Tristin. They told him that there were several children up in the area that were being schooled at home, and that they try to meet once a week, so that the children can interact with one another. They explained that the parents took turns planning the activities so that they had a diverse day planned each week. That sounded good to Tristin, so he and Hannah joined in this small but caring and loving group. He also learned that forms needed to be filled out for the state in order for Hannah’s education to be recognized when and if she wanted to go onto college. The group was extremely helpful and Tristin realized it was nice that he and Hannah had some friends. Living alone in the mountains with a five-year-old did prove to be a bit lonely at times.
Life went on as planned. It had been nearly five years since Tristin had brought his daughter to the mountains to live. She was almost nine now and seemed to be thriving. Her Dad had taught her everything he knew about horses. She, like him, had a way with them, and was able to help break and ride any horse her Dad brought home, under her Dad’s supervision of course. Apple remained her favorite, and where Hannah still went to talk things over on the rare occasion she didn’t feel she could talk to her Dad. She was happy to help her Dad whenever she could with the horses, the housework, but she also spent a good deal of time studying. Tristin was making plenty of money with all the repairs and building he was asked by the villagers and some of the mountain residents to do.
During the past spring Hannah turned 9. For the first time, Tristin allowed Hannah to travel alone to Montana to visit her Grandpa and Linda. They made the nearly two hour journey to Denver to put Hannah, who now thought she was all grown up, on an airplane bound for Montana. Tristin had been asked to do some repair work on some porch steps at a cabin a few miles up the mountain. Faith, the woman who owned the general store with her husband told him that there would be a woman staying there for the summer. The cabin had belonged to her Uncle and when she called the General Store to inquire about someone in the area that she could hire to fix the porch, she also mentioned that she might need help with other repairs. The cabin had been empty for several years and the harsh winters had taken their toll. With Hannah gone for six weeks, Tristin felt he had enough spare time to accept an extra job. He went that afternoon up to the cabin in hopes that he had the materials on his truck that he would need. If not, he would need to get them ordered. Faith said that the lady was from Denver and wouldn’t be arriving until the weekend. Nevertheless, he felt a little lost with Hannah gone and wanted to keep busy.
Even though Tristin lived in these mountains, every time he went somewhere, it seemed like a new experience. Just the slightest change in weather could make the appearance of the trees, the road and the few houses that could be seen from the road, look different. This particular day was warm and sunny and everything was so green. He thought briefly about the winter and it was hard to imagine how deep the snow was looking at this green summer scenery. Lucky for Tristin, a neighbor once took him for a ride and showed him the cabin he was about to embark upon. It was nestled deep in the woods and could not be seen from the road. Even the start of the lane was hard to see. He turned up the long lane and drove slowly until he reached the cabin. He was a little surprised to see a vehicle there. The person that was to be staying there wasn’t due for several days. He stopped his truck, got out, walked up the steps and knocked on the door. The door was open and he could see through the screen door that someone had been busy cleaning, putting things away, but they didn’t appear to be there. The scent of a fragrance was a pleasure to his senses when it reached his nostrils. He thought to himself, perhaps she has taken a shower and has gone for a walk. So he proceeded with his project. He had most of what he needed to fix the porch. The handrail would need to be replaced, but that could wait for now. Every now and then as he worked, he would get another trace of the scent. It was such a wonderful scent, soft and light, sensual and calm and yet exciting.
Tristin was almost finished with the porch when he heard the screen door slam. There stood the woman, who wore the intoxicating fragrance, a woman was standing there holding a glass of iced tea in her hand for him. At least that’s what he thought she asked him. Once she spoke and he turned to look at her, he couldn’t hear anything or see anything but her. When living up in the mountains, a person doesn’t socialize a great deal. The people in the village are friendly, but social events were few and far between. Actually he didn’t even realize that he might be missing the company of a woman. He was so focused on Hannah, her schooling, the horses, his carpentry jobs and making sure they were ready for winter that he didn’t have time to feel the loss of adult female companionship. He felt many emotions stirring in him. The scent of her fragrance had already awakened something deep inside almost like a magical potion, and now, there she stood holding a glass of iced tea in her hand and offering it to him. He felt tongue tied and nervous, like a schoolboy. She was older than Tristin, but breathtakingly beautiful in his eyes.
He thanked her for the offer of a cold drink and then he slowly began to ascend the steps to take the glass from her hand. As he took the glass, their hands touched briefly. Her skin felt so soft and then he realized that he’d been staring into her eyes and that she was staring right back into his. It didn’t seem necessary for either of them to speak. Everything he needed and wanted to know was in her eyes. Her eyes told him of love and compassion, of loneliness and sorrow, of desire and need. He felt it all, as if he had known her all of his life. Instinctively, he reached up and gently touched her face. Her face was so warm and soft. And the fragrance that had filled his senses earlier was all around him. She smelled so good. She in turn touched his face, brushing the hair away from his cheeks. Tristin took her into his arms and covered her face with butterfly kisses. Feeling her tremble, he whispered to her “don’t be afraid”. Rachael looked him deep in the eyes and said, “I’m not afraid”. The butterfly kisses ended when his lips met hers and passion consumed them. Never wanting anything more than he had in his life, Tristin swept Rachael up in his arms and carried her inside.
As he laid her on the bed, something his mother told him when he was about thirteen crept briefly into his mind. She told him to always trust his heart. That one day he would meet a woman and he would instantly know that she was his soul mate and that once he found her, he should never let her go. She told him that he would want to treat her with love and respect and that if he followed his heart, he would always be happy. He hadn’t thought of those words until this moment, but he now knew what his mother meant. He never imagined feeling as he did at that moment. He certainly never felt that way with Becca. He didn’t realize until today what his mother’s words really meant.
Chapter 9 Nightfall
Hours had passed, but it seemed as though it was only minutes since Tristin had begun to tell Rachael of his life. The setting sun was displaying its many wondrous colors as he finished by telling her how he felt the first time they had been together. Rachael could have listened to her love speak for hours more, as she was not only interested but amazed at the life Tristin had lived. It was far different than hers. The tears flowed many times during his account of his life. The love for his mother and the overwhelming grief that he was able to share with her spoke volumes of the kind of man he was. The way he felt about his daughter and how he made the kind of life he had with her flooded her heart with so much love and admiration for him. He was unlike any man she’d ever met. She could see his soul in his eyes as he could hers. Rachael reached up and softly touched Tristin’s face. She began at his forehead, slowly and ever so softly tracing every detail of his face. When her fingertips touched his lips, he began to lightly kiss the tips of each of her fingers. He leaned over and placed his lips on hers, gently and slowly parting her lips with his tongue. As their tongues intertwined, everything else just seemed to disappear. The chill in the air was gone, the sound of the crickets was silent to them and the sound of the water from the lake lapping upon the shore was gone. They could feel only the warmth radiating from the other’s body, the wetness from each other’s mouths and they could only hear the labored breath and the pounding heart beat coming from the lover sitting next to them. Totally enveloped in their kiss, they hadn’t noticed that the wind had picked up until they saw the lightening and heard the clap of thunder. With that loud clap of thunder came a pouring rain. Quickly they began throwing everything into the basket, and ran laughing all the way back to the cabin. Up the porch steps they hurried, stopping to embrace and kiss once again as soon as they were under the porch roof. They each felt the other shiver with cold, so inside they went to dry off.
Tristin started a fire in the fireplace and then he led Rachael by the hand into the bathroom where they took a long, warm, soapy shower, gently washing one another, kissing, caressing and making love. They both felt totally exhausted, but neither of them wanted to waste time sleeping. Tristin was anxious to hear about Rachael’s life before she came to the mountain. She was reluctant to begin. She felt her life was not only complicated, but also extremely dark, sad and totally incomplete. Even though Tristin had endured the heartbreak of his mother’s death, some years of his father’s indifference, he had still experienced the love of a family and the security of belonging somewhere. She wasn’t sure what he would think of her once she told him where she had come from, what she had been through and how she came to this mountain. But she knew that if they were going to continue a relationship, she wanted to be completely honest with him from the start. A panic swept through her as she thought of the possibility that he may not want her to play a role in Hannah’s life. But looking into those deep blue eyes, the panic was soothed and calm once again possessed her soul.
Now naked, but warm and dry, Rachael poured two cups of fresh coffee, brought the cups into the living room and handed one of the cups to Tristin. They grabbed a soft blanket from the sofa, wrapped up in it and curled up together in the big oversized chair near the fire. Outside, the thunder grew louder, the lightening seemed to get closer and the wind sounded fierce as it howled through the cracks and crevices around the old cabin’s windows and doors. The storm was getting closer and soon it was drowning out the calm sound of the crackling fire. When it seemed the storm was almost on top of them, they both jumped as the lightening flashed and the thunder shook the cabin at the same time. The lights flickered a few times and then they went out. They just sat there, curled up in the big chair, in each other’s arms, looking into the depths of the other’s eyes and sipping their coffee. If not for the fire and lightening, the cabin would have been totally dark. Normally, Rachael would have been quite frightened by the storm, but she felt safe in Tristin’s arms. Tristin, on the other hand, who was familiar with the weather patterns and changes in these mountains, was growing a little concerned.
His concern was validated when the next bolt of lightening struck the huge Aspen near the front of the house, split it in half and caused it to come crashing to the ground. Luckily the tree was far enough away from the cabin and their vehicles. The crash of the tree caused them both to jump from the chair and their first instinct was go to the huge window to see what had happened, but after looking outside, Tristin pulled Rachael away from the window. He told her they needed to stay away from the glass and perhaps they should go into the bathroom, until the storm settled down. Rachael sensed some fear in his voice and she became somewhat fearful as well. She grabbed some matches, a candle, a flashlight, and some clothes and made her way into the bathroom. Tristin followed with the blanket and coffee cups, quickly filling the cups on their way past the kitchen. She handed Tristin her big burgundy terry bathrobe, as his clothes were still wet. She lit the candle as Tristin closed the door securely behind them, which only fueled Rachael’s fear of the storm. He explained to her that although mountain rainstorms can be sometimes fierce, that usually they’re over quickly.
The bathroom was pretty small, but the two star-crossed lovers didn’t seem to mind. It was a little chilly being away from the fire so he put the robe on, and she put her sweats on. They folded the blanket a few times, put it on the floor next to the door, sat down and leaned their backs up against the door, so they could spread their legs out. The thunder continued to follow the rhythm of the flashes of lightening. Or was the lightening following the thunder? They were so close together that it was difficult to tell. The wind seemed to be shaking the cabin now. It was growing stronger. It had only been about ten minutes since the Aspen tree in the front had been hit, but it seemed like hours to Rachael. She had always been apprehensive in thunderstorms, but fierce wind had always terrified her, and the fact that Tristin seemed very concerned over the storm was beginning to make her extremely nervous. For a brief moment, it seemed like the storm was letting up, but then they could hear hail hitting the roof. They snuggled closer together; both wishing it would stop storming. Tristin mentioned that he was worried about his horses. He had left them in the pen outside the stables. He knew they were used to thunderstorms, and that the wind and rain wouldn’t affect them at all, but he was worried about the size of the hail. Even though the little bathroom window was partially fogged over, they could see that the hail was the size of tennis balls. It continued to hail like that for over ten minutes. Then suddenly it stopped, as did the wind and rain. They could still see a flash of light now and then, but it seemed to be past them and so did the sound of the thunder. Rachael’s body relaxed a little in Tristin’s arms and after a few minutes of quiet, they decided to venture out of the bathroom.
Taking the flashlight, Tristin opened the door and walked out into the living room. He was amazed that the windows hadn’t been shattered. Slowly they moved together to the big window and peered outside. It was hard to see much because of the darkness and the lightening was fading into the distance and wasn’t providing much light anymore. They opened the front door and walked out onto the porch to see if they could get a better look. They could see that the flowers and small trees near the cabin were damaged and there was still quite a bit of hail still on the ground. It looked like it had snowed. Closing the door, Tristin went over and put another log on the fire, held his arms out to Rachael and she walked over to him and into his warm and loving embrace. He told her that he would need to leave soon to check on the horses. He asked her if she’d like to go with him, and she said yes. They would wait a bit longer, till the hail had melted, they were sure that the storm had passed and perhaps the warm fire would dry his clothes by the time they left. Settling back down in the big chair, they cuddled, gently touched and kissed each other. Rachael laid her head on Tristin’s shoulder, he leaned his head back on the back of the chair, and they fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Chapter 10 The Aftermath
As the sun was coming up over the horizon, Tristin and Rachael stirred in their sleep, waking slowly and gently. They both smiled at each other as they opened their eyes then kissed. Realizing that several hours had passed since the storm, Rachael knew that he was anxious to check on his horses and property. She told him that she would make some coffee while he got dressed and then they would go together to check Tristin’s home. Walking outside was somewhat of a shock. In the dark, the storm’s damage didn’t seem that bad except for the down tree. There were tree limbs everywhere and all the trees; bushes and flowers looked damaged in some way or another. Both Rachael’s car and Tristin’s truck looked like someone took a hammer and pounded them. Quietly they drove down the lane, looking sadly upon the damage the storm had caused. Once on the mountain road, it was clear that the storm was more than just a thunderstorm or even a hailstorm. It was obvious by the uprooted trees that a tornado had swept through the mountain. The distance between Rachael’s cabin and Tristin’s ranch was about six miles. They had to drive a few miles down the mountain, into the village and then turn up the road that goes to his ranch.
When the reached the village, they saw broken windows and a lot of debris, but all the buildings were still standing. Tristin pulled over when he saw Faith and her husband Michael standing outside their store. Rachael and Tristin got out of the truck and walked over to the shocked couple standing in front of the broken windows of the General store. They asked if everyone was ok and all Faith and Michael could do was nod. Tristin and Rachael followed the couple into their store to view the damage inside. It was a mess. Everything had been knocked off the shelves and pieces of glass were everywhere. Faith began to cry and Michael was attempting to comfort her, but was visibly shaken as well. Tristin was even more concerned about getting home, but he felt his friends were in need of his help, so he told them that he would help them get the place picked up. Rachael chimed in that she wanted to help too. Faith and Michael protested. They told Tristin that he’d better check on his own ranch first. He admitted he was worried about the horses, but he wanted to help. He promised to come back as soon as possible. He also offered Michael some boards he had in his truck to board up the broken windows in case it rained again. The shock stricken storeowner gratefully accepted the offer of the wood, and the two men unloaded the wood, while Rachael spoke with Faith for a few minutes. Rachael said that she too, would be back to help. She told Faith that her cabin didn’t appear to have suffered any damage and that most of the damage seemed to be outside and that she wanted very much to contribute in helping clean up their store.
Tristin and Rachael jumped into the truck again and headed up the narrow winding road that leads to his ranch. Rachael began to get nervous. She was afraid that if something serious had happened to the ranch or the horses that she wouldn’t know how to react. She wouldn’t know how to comfort him, she suddenly felt so unsure of herself. The feelings she had for Tristin were strong. She knew that she loved him, she knew that he made her feel like no other human being had ever made her feel and yet at the same time, she knew little of his personal life and what his reactions would be if something devastating had happened at his ranch. She was wondering if she should have come with him. Maybe she should have stayed at the store and helped Faith and Michael. She couldn’t believe how nervous she was, how afraid she was of what they might find. Maybe it wasn’t his reaction she was afraid of, but her own. She knew how much the ranch, the horses and his daughter meant to him. They barely spoke after leaving the store. They held each other’s hands and Rachael sat next to him, close enough that their legs were touching but the silence was deafening. Tristin’s mind was racing; his main concern was the horses. The house and barn could be rebuilt, but the horses, especially Apple, were like family. With his heart pounding heavy, and his breath quickening, he turned onto the lane.
As they approached the house, their first glimpse was that of the house which was still standing. When the truck came to a stop in front of the house, it was then that they could see that the barn behind the house was severely damaged. Most of the roof was gone. Tristin jumped out of the truck and ran to the back of the house to see if the horses were ok. Rachael was right behind him. When they reached the corral, they saw that the debris from the falling roof of the barn had landed on some of the fence, broken it and the horses were gone. “I have to find them,” Tristin said. “Especially Apple. If something has happened to Apple, Hannah will be heart broken.” “I’ll help you” Rachael said softly as her hand touched his shoulder. A few minutes passed while Tristin just stood there, staring at the empty corral. He wasn’t sure what to do next, exactly how to find them. Should they go on foot or should they take the truck? He looked up at the hills behind the ranch, sensing that is where they would have run and decided they should search on foot. He ran to the house, grabbed some warm jackets, flashlights, a rolled up wool blanket and the bag that Tristin always kept ready in case of an emergency. He took a quick look around the house, mentally surveying the rooms, making sure everything was still intact. From what he could see, the only damage done to the house was a shattered window in the kitchen. He handed Rachael one of the jackets, she offered to carry the blanket, which had a strap around it so that it could be easily carried on someone’s back. Tristin shoved the flashlights into the emergency bag, strapped that onto his back and the two of them headed into the woods and up the hills. They walked quickly and spoke quietly. Now and then they would call some of the horses names out loudly, but gently. Tristin was sure that they had to be frightened after the storm. Apple was whom they called for the most. She was the oldest, the gentlest, and the least likely one of them all to not run and possibly come to the sound of his voice.
Hours passed, they were both getting tired. Tristin suggested they sit down for a few minutes and have some water. Rachael protested, insisting that she was ok to keep going. She knew how important it was to him to find the horses. He told her that he wanted to stop, not just for her, but that he needed to think about their searching strategy. Sitting down on a fallen tree log, Tristin pulled out two water bottles from the bag, opened them and handed Rachael one. She began to thank him, but he stopped her with a soft kiss, and then saying “it’s you I owe the thank you too, for helping me look, for being by my side right now.” For one fleeting second, Becky crossed his mind, knowing that she would not have done this. He realized that he was glad that she was no longer in his life, or in Hannah’s. He then thought of his mother again, telling him that now and then, when you least expect it, something will happen in your life and you’ll realize how much it was meant to be. He turned to Rachael once again; looking into her eyes, knowing this was yet another defining moment in his life that his mother said would happen to him one day. Even though he was feeling despair at the prospect that the horses may be lost, he knew that his love for her would last a lifetime. Tristin began to tell Rachael about how close Apple and Hannah were. He had mentioned it before, but this time his eyes showed a love for the horse as well as his daughter.
Just as Rachael was about to suggest that they get moving again, they heard a rustling in the leaves in the distance. As they turned in the direction in which they heard the rustling sound, and the familiar whinny sound that Apple frequently made when she saw Hannah. Tristin jumped up but then proceeded slowly since she was probably already skittish from the ordeal that she’d been through. Rachael watched while Tristin eased over to the mare, gently talking to her in a calm soothing voice. The horse made one or two steps towards Tristin as he continued toward her, and soon Tristin had a hold of her reign. He wrapped his arms around her neck and she in turn nuzzled his hip. Rachael, Tristin and Apple began their trek home. Tristin hoped that the other horses would show up, but he didn’t hold out a lot of hope for that. They were all much wilder than Apple. She was old and pretty content with her surroundings. The trip back seemed much shorter than the distance they had traveled to get to the spot where they had found the horse. Or had she found them?
Chapter 11 Recovering after the Storm
The two were exhausted by the time they reached the ranch. They tied Apple to a post on the front porch, gave her some water and oats and went inside. Tristin asked Rachael if she’d like something to drink and she said yes. He offered her what he had which was coffee, water or whiskey. He also mentioned that he had some milk and orange juice in the refrigerator, but it probably wasn’t very fresh, as it had been there since before Hannah left. She considered the whiskey, but decided to go with the coffee. She sat down on the couch and as he began making coffee in the kitchen, Rachael took a longer look around the living room. She had only been there for a few moments earlier in the day before they went to look for the horses. The place was clean and tidy but lacked a few things.
There was nothing on the walls, very little furniture in the spacious living room. There were blinds on the windows, but no curtains. A few framed pictures were lined up on the mantle above the fireplace. She hated to stereotype anyone, but if she were to allow herself to do so, this was a place definitely decorated by a single male. She rose to take a closer look at the pictures and as she was studying them, Tristin returned. He told her it would be a few minutes before the coffee was done and then began to explain to her who the people in the pictures were. There was one of his parents when they were first married, and there was a picture of his mother that was taken a few months before she died. There was a picture of his father and his new wife Linda and of course there were a couple of pictures of Hannah. One of the pictures was a recent photo taken while she was riding Apple and the other was of her as an infant, being held by a young attractive blonde girl. He explained that even though Becky had abandoned them, he tried very hard not to be bitter and he didn’t want Hannah to feel any bitterness towards her mother either. Actually, he went on to explain, he felt sorry for Becky. She was so mixed up when he met her and she must have been terrified of being a wife and mother. What he pitied about her the most was that she was missing out on the most precious gift anyone could have and a life with their daughter.
Rachael turned around to face this sweet, sensitive man and felt that she should say something profound, but the words weren’t there. Their eyes met and then he leaned over, and gently put his hands on her shoulders. Pulling her close Tristin placed his lips on hers and they became lost in each other for a moment and then he whispers to her and asks her if she’d like to take a shower. She quietly said yes, and he took her by the hand and led her to the shower, where they made sweet passionate love. Rachael put on a clean tee shirt that Tristin pulled out of the dresser. It was far too big for her, but it felt good. It felt clean and what’s more, he had worn it. After they had their coffee and a sandwich, he gently and quietly took her by the hand again and led her to his bedroom. They slipped underneath the covers, curled up in each other’s arms and fell asleep almost immediately. They were both exhausted.
Rachael woke to find the sun streaming from the window onto her face and to the sound of the birds singing and the sight of Tristin still sleeping next to her. The sun illuminating his face, making him even more handsome than she already thought he was. His black hair shining like the dark of night, his tanned face was like golden wheat at harvest time. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. Soon he began to stir a little and when his eyes opened and met hers, he smiled. She smiled back at him and said “good morning handsome”. His smile widened giving her that big wide teeth-showing grin of his. Rachael felt a little panic deep within, wondering how she must look. She wondered if her age was showing in the morning glow of the sun. But when Tristin said “good morning gorgeous” to her, all of the insecurity she briefly felt melted away.
They reached for each other, wanting each other when the phone rang and startled them. It was Hannah. If Rachael thought she had already seen his widest grin, she was mistaken. His face was beaming with happiness at the sound of his daughter’s voice. Rachael couldn’t believe how moved she was as she witnessed this man's love for his daughter. Maybe because she’d never felt that kind of love from her father. But whatever it was, it was a deeply moving experience simply to see the look on his face. She rose from the bed and went into the bathroom to shower so that Tristin could have a little privacy while talking to Hannah. When she was finished, he was just hanging the phone up. He told her that the plans for his daughter’s return were finalized and that she would be coming home in three days. Rachael felt that panic within her again. She was anxious to meet Hannah, but had to wonder what the future had in store for the three of them. Sensing her trepidation, he assured her that she and Hannah would love each other. “But”, she started to say, and he said “no buts about it. Everything will be fine.” For some reason she believed him. Tristin looked at the clock and told Rachael that they had better get into town and help Faith and Michael. They quickly dressed, had some toast and coffee and headed into town with the truck.
Many people had shown up to help in the aftermath of the tornado. Sometimes you don’t realize how many people care about you until disaster strikes. After a long day and many helping hands, the F & M General Store looked almost as good as new. The windows were still boarded until they could have new glass installed, but the inside was cleaned up and ready for business by nightfall. There were a few some products that were too damaged to sell, but all in all, the inside looked pretty much like it had before the tornado. Rachael and Tristin decided to go back to her cabin and watch the sun set over the lake. After lots of appreciative thanks and hugs from Faith and Michael, the two headed up the mountain road to Rachael’s.
Chapter 12 Rachael
With not much time remaining until the sun would be slumbering on the other side of the mountains, Tristin and Rachael quickly showered, resisting the temptation to make love and forget the sunset. They threw their sweats on and packed a few things in a basket to have for supper at the lake, grabbed a big blanket, and headed down the trail to the lake. Snuggling up against “their” tree, Rachael began to tell Tristin of her life.
She told him how she was conceived at this very lake. Perhaps it was on this beautiful spot. Rachael’s grandparents owned this cabin originally. When Rachael’s mom, Emma was young, they used to come here and spend the entire summer. Her Dad was a teacher and had the summers off. When Emma was just 16 years old, she met a boy who was camping not far from here with his parents. The two of them came down to the lake, one thing led to another and they had sex. The boy and his parents had returned to their home in Utah by the time that Rachael’s mom found out that she was pregnant. She had given him her address and phone number, but had failed to get his. He had promised he would write and call when she returned home. But after she returned home, he never called and she had no way of finding him. She was sixteen and facing some very difficult decisions. Her parents were heartbroken, but they said that they would accept and support her in any decision that she made. After agonizing over what to do, Emma decided to keep the baby, and somehow finish school so that she would have the means to support herself and her child.
Rachael was born in Kansas City in 1958 on a beautiful spring morning. She was immediately the apple of her grandfather’s eyes and her grandma’s too. Fortunately living in a large city like that, the stigma of having a child out of wedlock didn’t have quite as much of an impact as if they had lived in a small town. Having missed a few months of school was extremely difficult on Emma as far as finishing school with her class. She barely made it, but with the help of her parents, especially her Mom, she was able to finish high school. They had all decided that it would be best if Rachael didn’t come to her graduation ceremony. She was now a little over one year old and didn’t like to sit still very well, so she was left with a neighbor. After the ceremony, Emma was preparing to leave with her parents when some of her friends asked her to join them for a celebration. She explained that she had to pick the baby up soon, but her Mom interrupted and told her that she thought she should go ahead and go with her friends. She had been diligent in caring for her baby daughter, never taking advantage of her Mom. Reluctantly she agreed. She felt as though she was not living up to her responsibilities as a mother if she didn’t get right home from anywhere that she went without Rachael. She kissed her Mom and Dad; told them she loved them and waved as she drove off with her friends.
Even though she was having a good time at the party, she had a bad feeling about something. She felt that she should check on Rachael and she began calling home. There was no answer. After the third try, she called the neighbor who was caring for Rachael and she said that they hadn’t picked her up yet. It had been several hours. Emma fell to pieces. She knew something had happened to them. Her friends tried to calm her down. One got on the phone to the police and local hospital. A few minutes later her friend hung up the phone and told her that there had been an accident. They wouldn’t give her details, but that there was an officer on the way over to explain. Emma sat in terror and stared at the door, praying that her parents would show up instead of an officer and have some explanation for all of this. Maybe it was just a little fender bender, but bad enough that they couldn’t get home. That had to be it. She sat there trying to convince herself that’s what had happened, when the knock came at the door. Her friend answered the door and let the officer in. He asked which one was Emma and trembling, she stood up. He walked over to her and said that he was terribly sorry to have to tell her this, but that on their way home from the graduation, a drunk driver lost control of his car, hitting them head on, killing them both instantly.
Emma’s life was a blur for a long time after that. She was barely 18, had a baby, and her parents were just ripped out of her life. They had been her backbone, her courage, and her biggest and sometimes only fan. What was she going to do? That’s when Uncle Bob showed up. Emma had heard about her Uncle, but had never met him. He had been estranged from his family for years. From what her Mother had told her, he was an alcoholic and had done some things to shame his family. Exactly what those things were, Emma didn’t have a clue, but Bob’s name was rarely mentioned. When Bob knocked at the door about six months after the accident, Emma somehow knew who he was. Perhaps she’d seen some pictures, perhaps it was intuition, or perhaps it was a little bit of both. Bob was a tall man, thin, fairly attractive and had big brown eyes like Emma’s mother. He said that a friend of the family had contacted him about the death of his sister and also told him that he had a niece that he might be able to help out. It took a bit of time, but he was able to make arrangements with his law practice to travel to Kansas City and pay them an extended visit. Emma invited her newfound uncle inside and made some coffee. They sat and talked for hours, they even cried when Emma told him about her graduation and the accident.
It didn’t appear that Bob was being evasive about his past, but he did seem uneasy to talk about it. She learned that he had served in the Army during WWII. War had left its scars and Bob had a lot of trouble putting his life together after he returned home. He began to drink heavily and one night he was involved in a drunken brawl in a bar, leaving another man with some sever injuries. He was arrested, tried and sent to prison. In prison, he fought to find himself, which wasn’t easy, especially in those surroundings, but he also told Emma that if he hadn’t been sent to prison, he wouldn’t be the man he was today. He educated himself and reacquainted himself and made peace with Jesus. He graduated from college through his studies in prison, and was now a very successful attorney. He never forgot some of the guys in prison though; some he felt were wrongly accused of certain crimes. He spent his spare time, donating his time, trying to get appeals heard for some of his former prison mates.
He also told Emma that the next thing he planned to do was to make amends with his family, but of course, now it was too late. That was something he said that he would find difficult to forgive himself for, but that perhaps he could make it up to them by being the family that Emma and Rachael now needed so desperately. Emma began to cry again, and as he tried to comfort her, Rachael woke from her nap and romped into the living room. She threw her arms around her Mommy and looked at this stranger in their living room with her big brown eyes. Bob could see the resemblance of his sister in both Emma and Rachael. He felt good about his decision to come here. He bonded with both his niece and her daughter in no time.
Through insurance money from the accident and her parents will, Emma would have probably made it on her own, but she knew that it would be extremely difficult. She felt blessed that Bob showed up. Although she was undoubtedly sad to leave her parents home, where she had so many fond memories, Emma knew it was for the best. Bob sold the house and moved Emma and her two-year-old daughter Rachael out to Denver, where he lived and worked.
The next ten years or so were extremely busy. Rachael went to school, Emma was working and Bob’s time was extremely limited with his career. Emma helped Bob in his office whenever she could. The cabin, which had been curiously left to Bob in her parent’s will, was a distant memory to Emma. Even though they only lived a few hours from it now, there just never seemed to be any time to get there. Their lives were full and happy. The cabin was rarely mentioned. Perhaps Emma’s parents had left it to Bob due to the painful memories they felt might have been there for Emma. Whatever the reason, their lives were just too busy to visit there together. Once a year, Bob would go up into the mountains with some friends for a fishing trip, but other than that, the place sat vacant.
Emma didn’t really even have time for dating. This made Rachael sad as she made her way into her teen years. When she realized that boys didn’t really have cooties, she couldn’t understand why her Mom didn’t date. Emma simply didn’t trust anyone not to abandon her. She never seemed bitter or angry, but deep down inside, she was afraid of being left alone. The three of them just lived a full and rich life until the day Emma got sick.
Rachael was 16 the day that her teacher came to her desk and told her she was needed in the principal’s office. Uncle Bob was waiting there for her, waiting to take her to the hospital where Emma had been admitted. He explained to Rachael on the way to the hospital that Emma had passed out and was unconscious at her job for several minutes. An ambulance had been called and they took her to the emergency room. That was all Bob knew at the moment. He just decided that it would be best to pick Rachael up on his way. When they reached the hospital, the news wasn’t good. A scan of Emma’s head revealed a mass of some sort. It was too early, the Doctor said to make any type of diagnosis, but that Emma would have to stay in the hospital and have some more tests run. Rachael was terrified that her mother was going to die, but Bob promised that Emma would be ok. They both spent some time at her bedside, talking with her, reassuring her that everything was going to be ok.
Everything was not ok. Emma had a malignant tumor. Brain cancer. The Doctor told them that he was terribly sorry, but that there was nothing he could do except try to make her comfortable. He wouldn’t give them a timetable, but it certainly didn’t sound like she had much time. Rachael got hysterical at the news. She cried and screamed and begged the Doctor to tell her it wasn’t true. She was inconsolable. She ran from the hospital and kept running until she was so out of breath that she fell into a heap. Once she caught her breath and her crying subsided a little, she looked around and didn’t know where she was. It was a small park, but she didn’t recognize it at first she was scared, but then she decided she didn’t care. If she was lost forever, she wouldn't have to go home and watch her mother die. She didn’t want her mother to die. She needed her mother. Sobbing, Rachael just sat where she was as until nightfall. At some point she must have fallen asleep. She woke to the sound of footsteps on the sidewalk near where she was sitting. The footsteps stopped and she could see the feet coming toward her. She looked up and saw a young man. He asked her if she was ok, if she needed help. Rachael opened her mouth, but was unable to speak. The young man could see that this girl was in shock or had been traumatized by something. He gently helped her to her feet, explaining that she couldn’t sit there, that it wasn’t safe. He told her he wanted to help her and he led her to his car. Once inside the car, he drove to a store, told her to wait there, and he went inside to get some water for her. While inside though, he placed a call to the Denver Police department to see if perhaps someone was looking for a young girl. Of course, they had been since receiving the call from Bob. The police told him to stay where he was with her and they’d be right there. The young man asked that they give him a few minutes in the hopes that he could get her to talk just a little bit.
Upon returning to his car and offering Rachael some water and a friendly ear, she broke down again, sobbing, but this time blurting out what had happened earlier in the day. He didn’t know what to say, but he did convince her that her Mom and Uncle must be worried sick about her. She acknowledged that they probably were, so he confessed to her that he’d called the police and that they should be there soon. Rachael was afraid that she was in trouble, but the young man assured her that they were just going to take her home. The police arrived and thanked the young man and drove Rachael home. Home to where her frantic Mother and Uncle were waiting for her. Home to her sick mother whom was one day going to leave her. Bob opened the door and she fell into his arms sobbing once again. Then she heard her mother’s voice speaking softly to her from the other room. She was surprised to see her Mom there. She assumed that she’d never come home again. Her Mom told her that yes, she was very sick, but that with medication and lots of love and prayers that she hoped to be around for a very long time. Emma was determined to see her daughter grow up. At the very least, she wanted to see her graduate from high school. Once she uttered those words, the tears began to fall from Emma, remembering losing her parents right after her graduation. How could this be? Why her? Why Rachael? She even wondered if there was some kind of curse on her family.
Emma seemed strong for nearly a year after her diagnosis. Everything seemed to be getting back to normal, but just as Rachael began her senior year, Emma’s began to show signs that the cancer was spreading. By this time Rachael was sobbing in Tristin’s arms, reliving her mother’s illness and how devastated she was by it. It was beginning to get dark. Tristin held her close, stroking her hair and whispering in her ear how much he loved her. The sun was setting and the air began to chill. Tristin suggested that they go to the cabin, light a fire, have something to eat and the Rachael may have the strength to continue to relate the rest of her painful, but hopefully sometimes joyous account of her forty-two years. Slowly, hand in hand, they walked back to the cabin as the blazing red sun set behind them.
Chapter 13 Rachael Continues
When they reached the cabin, Tristin realized how exhausted Rachael was. They showered, Rachael put a robe on and Tristin put his jeans back on. He gently led her to the big oversized chair in front of the warm fire he had started and told her to just sit and relax while he fixed something to eat. She was too emotionally drained to argue or even attempt to go to the kitchen. The moment Tristin left the room, Rachael fell asleep. It was a brief, but much needed rest. She felt somewhat better when he returned with a sandwich and some coffee and even better once she finished it. Once he cleared the coffee table of the dishes, Tristin filled the coffee cups and returned to his loves side. They snuggled up in the big chair with a big soft blanket around them, sipping their coffee, with only the light of the fire and for a few minutes, only the sound of the crackling the fire made did they hear. He wasn’t sure she wanted to continue, so he told her that he would understand if she wanted to finish telling him in the morning. She shook her head and told him no, she wanted and needed to share this with him. A few more moments of silence passed as Rachael rested her head on Tristin’s shoulder. Slowly she raised her head, glanced at him, took a deep breath and then stared into the fire as she continued.
Chemotherapy certainly didn’t give Emma any quality of life that next year, but it did prolong it. Rachael couldn’t remember a day that her mother wasn’t sick during her senior year, except for a very few. Emma was strong and determined to beat the cancer that was ravaging her body, even though deep down she knew she was going to die. She remained positive throughout her illness, spending each possible moment making sure that she left Rachael with lots of love, confidence in herself and all the knowledge that Emma had stored in her head. She wanted to share herself with her daughter. During the days when Rachael was in school, Emma wrote. She wrote her every thought, her every wish, her every dream in letters to Rachael, sealing each one in an envelope and putting them safely away. She organized all of the pictures, explaining each and every picture on the backside, making sure that Rachael knew all of her heritage. Emma would exhaust herself each and every day, trying to make the best of each breath she took, each God given morning that she was blessed with.
Rachael refused to spend time with her friends. Even at her mother’s insistence, she would hurry home from school every afternoon to take care of her Mom and the household chores. Now and then, her best friend Sandy would come home after school with her and help out too. Sandy would do some of the cleaning so that Rachael could spend her time caring for Emma. One evening, when Uncle Bob was surprisingly home early, Emma insisted that Sandy take Rachael out shopping or something. She gave them some money and practically ordered the two young women to have a good time. Go to the mall, she said, have lunch. Do things that girls your age need to be doing.
Reluctantly Rachael went with Sandy. She did need to get some Christmas shopping done, so she and Sandy hopped in the car and headed for the mall. She picked out a gift for her mother, convinced that her mother would be around a long time to enjoy it. As they were leaving one of the stores, Rachael bumped into someone and dropped her packages. She muttered that she was sorry as she bent down to pick up the parcels on the floor and when she looked up, she saw the young man who had been so kind to her the night she ran away. He recognized her too and asked her how she was and how her mother was. They made small talk for a while and then he offered to take the two girls to lunch at a place in the mall. They accepted and as they walked, the two girls fell behind and giggled a little. Sandy asked how she knew this guy, and Rachael told her it was a long story, but then commented on how cute he was. They giggled again and then caught up with him. His name was Stephen, but he told Rachael and Sandy to call him Steve. During lunch, they learned that Steve had just finished medical school and was about to embark on an internship there in Denver. The night he ran into Rachael, he was just in Denver interviewing for a residency. What a coincidence they all thought, that they would run into one another again. Before they left the restaurant, Steve asked Rachael if they could possibly go to the movie the following night. Oh, I don’t know Rachael kept saying. She told him that she needed to care for her mother, that she didn’t have time to date. Besides, she said, I’m only 17. How old are you, she asked. Steve was 27. But he did seem so nice. Then he offered to rent a movie and bring it to her house and they could ask her Mom to join them. Rachael was touched at the offer. She even fantasized that Steve would come up with a cure for her Mom.
Even though there was such a big age difference, Emma was pleased that her daughter was seeing someone and Steve was such a nice young man. Steve’s family lived on the East Coast and he wasn’t able to get home for Christmas, so when he wasn’t working his rotation at the hospital, he was spending time with Rachael and Emma. They all became very close. Christmas was magical for Rachael. Her mother seemed to be feeling pretty well and mother and daughter spent a lot of time in the kitchen, cooking, baking, and talking endlessly. Bob seemed to spend less and less time at home. Rachael was a little angry with him for that, but he seemed to have his reasons. On Christmas morning, they woke to a beautiful snowy morning. Rachael and Emma just stood at the window for the longest time, watching the snow, tears trickling slowly and softly down both of their cheeks. Somewhere deep in their hearts, they knew that this was probably the last Christmas that they would have together. Emma seemed to get a lot of pleasure opening her gifts. She was almost childlike about Christmas this year. Rachael gave her Mom a beautiful blue silk dress. It was very elegant, almost something you’d wear to a ball. She had no idea where she’d wear this beautiful dress, but she was touched that her daughter bought her something so gorgeous. Emma gave Rachael some family jewelry. There were five boxes in all and as Rachael opened each one, her Mother gave her a long history of each piece. It was a very emotional day for both of them.
New Years Eve that year was fun too. Steve came over, Bob stayed home and the four of them stayed up until midnight to celebrate the holiday. Emma even let Rachael have her first taste of champagne. As the next few months went on, Rachael had convinced herself that her Mom was getting better. Steve tried to warn her so she wouldn’t get her hopes too high, but Ray, as Steve called her, wouldn’t listen. Steve was around often and had grown to be a part of the family. Even being a doctor, it was hard for him to imagine their world without Emma, but he knew deep down that the day was coming.
One beautiful spring morning in April when Emma was outside working slowly in her flower garden when suddenly she lost consciousness. A neighbor called an ambulance and the school. Rachael frantically rushed to the hospital and located Steve who was on duty when Emma was brought in. He tried to gently tell her that her Mother’s tumor had spread. He told her that it wouldn’t be long. She didn’t want to believe him, but after seeing her mother and hearing her speak, she knew it was true. Emma’s speech was slurred and she had partially lost the use of left arm and leg. Emma made Rachael promise that she wouldn’t let her die in the hospital. She wanted to die at home.
When Emma went home, they had to rent a hospital bed because she couldn’t go up and down the stairs anymore. They put the bed right in front of the big picture window so that Emma could see the mountains that she dearly loved. She longed to take a drive into the mountains, perhaps spend a weekend at the cabin. So that following weekend, that’s exactly what they did. Bob, Emma, Steve and Rachael went up to the cabin for the night. Everyone (except Emma) was worried that she would get really sick up there, but the weekend went pretty well. Rachael wheeled Emma to a clearing by the lake where Emma told her daughter how she was conceived. She’d rarely spoke of Rachael’s father, so Rachael listened intently. Emma convinced her daughter not to be bitter; after all, he never knew he had a daughter. They simply hadn’t exchanged enough information and she was never able to locate him. Emma handed her an envelope, which contained what little information she did know about him. His name, his parent’s name, which town he said that he was from in Utah and a small, worn photo. He had given it to Emma before he left the mountains that summer.
The sun began to slip behind the mountains and the air began to feel brisk, so Rachael guided her Mom back to the cabin. For the rest of the evening and well into the early morning hours, the four of them sat around the fire, telling family stories. Bob got very quiet and Emma realized that his memories weren’t as happy as hers and she apologized for being so insensitive but Bob kissed her forehead and assured her that it was his own doing, not hers and that he was glad she had so many fond memories. After that, they went to bed and in the morning, they drove back down the mountains to Denver. That weekend seemed to take a lot out of Emma. Her condition steadily worsened. Rachael arranged to stay home from school that last month before her graduation. She was a good student and they were very agreeable to have Sandy take her what she needed to study for her final exams.
Rachael got little sleep during the next month. Emma rarely even got out of bed. Her daughter was bathing her and feeding her and giving her mother her medications. Bob wanted to hire a nurse to help care for his sister, but Rachael insisted. She spent every waking moment with her Mom. Steve stopped over as much as possible which was a big help. That’s when Rachael would have a few minutes alone, to shower, do a bit of studying for her exams and even take a little nap once in a while. The school called a week before graduation; giving Rachael the times she needed to be there and to tell her where and when to pick up her gown. She explained that she might not be able to make it. They understood at the school but Emma did not. She wouldn’t have it. Rachael had to go to her graduation.
The day before the graduation ceremony Emma seemed a little better. She announced that she was going to her daughter’s graduation, and that she was extremely determined about. In the morning, she asked Rachael to bring down the dress that she got for Christmas, the beautiful blue silk one. Sandy came over early in the day to help Rachael while she got herself and her Mom ready to go. Sandy helped Emma with her hair, put some makeup on her and helped her into the blue silk dress. She had lost so much weight by now, but she still looked beautiful, especially to Rachael. Steve surprised them by having a limousine pick them up to take them to the school. That was so much fun. They laughed and had a wonderful time on the way to the school. Steve met them there, and he and Bob sat with Emma as the ceremony began. Rachael was given a special honor and was asked to make a speech. She hadn’t planned to give one, so she was a little nervous. But when she looked out into the crowd, she saw her beautiful mother sitting there with that gorgeous dress on, and somehow the words just flowed from her. She thanked her Mother, her Uncle, her friends and teachers as she proceeded to talk about her hopes and dreams for the future, for not only herself, but for her friends and her Mother. As she ended her speech, everyone gave her a standing ovation. She looked out at her mother again; Emma was smiling and managed to gesture a thumbs up to her daughter. Then for a few moments Rachael was caught in the excitement as she and her friends huddled together. When the crowd started to disperse, she headed over to where her Mom, Steve and Bob were. Bob and Steve were standing in front of Emma. The ceremony and her speech exhilarated Rachael. She was rushing to her Mom, but Steve stopped her. He softly whispered that Emma was gone. She screamed and then pushed her way past him, falling to her knees in front of her Mother’s chair. Mom, she cried, Mom it was so neat, wasn’t it? But Emma didn’t answer. Steve was right.
She had died seconds after giving her daughter the thumbs up. She had died with a smile on her face and so very proud of her daughter. She had died right after her daughter graduated, just like her own parents had. How could it be? Why? Sometimes there are no answers. This was one of those times for Rachael. Emma was gone from their sight, but never far from their hearts.
Chapter 14 After Graduation
A few weeks after Emma died, Bob, Rachael, Sandy and Steve took her ashes up to the mountains that she loved so much, and had a picnic. This was Emma’s final request, written in a poignant letter that she wrote to Rachael three days before she died. They played some of Emma’s favorite songs on a portable CD player, talked, cried and then at the end of the day, they released her ashes into the quiet beauty that was Emma. After they returned home that evening, Sandy and Steve talked Rachael into going to a movie. She left with them, but then decided she just wasn’t ready to go out, so they drove her back home. When she entered the house, she found her Uncle Bob drinking a pint of whiskey. He tried to hide it quickly when she walked in, but it was too late. Rachael was so angry. She knew that as an alcoholic, he should never take another drink. He ran after her as she ran to her room, but Steve stopped him. Sandy went after Rachael, and Steve spent time with Bob, talking, listening to his feelings of sorrow over his sister’s death and feelings of guilt over why she was the one that had to get sick. Why couldn’t have been him instead, he kept asking. Steve learned that he’d been drinking for some time and apparently that’s why he was home so little. He also told Steve that his law practice had been undeniably and irreparably damaged by his alcoholism. Steve gave Bob the name of a good treatment center and highly suggested that he call them right away. Bob cried and agreed to go. The next day, Bob checked into the treatment center with Rachael and Steve by his side until it was time for them to go.
It was hard for Rachael to leave him there since he was the only family she had left. She felt so alone. She began to sift through some of the letters and journals that her mother left her. Perhaps it was too soon because the more she read, the more she missed her mother and the more lost she felt. She ran across the information that her Mother gave her about her Father and out of curiosity began to make some phone calls. A distant cousin of his in Utah said that her Dad lived in California now, somewhere around Los Angeles. Rachael didn’t tell him why she was looking for him. Just that she was an old friend. With that information, she had an idea. Why not go out there and check him out? She thought about it and thought about it and her curiosity heightened. Finally she called Sandy and asked her if she’d like to go along. They would make a vacation out of it, an adventure. Sandy thought it would be fun, so they planned their trip.
About a week later, the two young women took off in Rachael’s car, taking along some old camping equipment. They were both excited. Steve was apprehensive about them going, but he could see that nothing he would say was going to change their minds. He laughed about Rachael being as stubborn as her mother was but sometimes that kind of determination was a good thing. He wished them luck and told them that he’d explain everything to Bob in a few days, when he knew that they had arrived in California safely. Bob would be in rehab for at least another two weeks.
Even though the girls were carefree, they still thought about their safety. They traveled the main highways and planned to camp in well-populated campgrounds. The first night they found a really nice campground on the other side of the Rocky’s. There were a lot of people there, and quite a few people their age. They gathered around a large campfire late that evening and roasted hotdogs and toasted marshmallows. There were three guys that kept flirting with the girls, but the girls kept their distance. They seemed nice enough, and were polite, but they were drinking heavily and common sense told Rachael and Sandy to just stay away from them. They retired to their tents, slept really well and woke early in the morning. They packed up their equipment and headed down the highway. The first time that Rachael sensed that there was something wrong was about twenty miles after they left the campground. She caught a glimpse of a car, which seemed to be speeding in their direction, but then it slowed down and kept its distance. She decided she was imagining things and didn’t even mention it to Sandy. They were enjoying listening to music and the beautiful scenery.
At the next town, they pulled into a restaurant for breakfast. When they came out, Rachael thought she noticed that car that she’d seen a little while ago. She mentioned it to Sandy, but then they both decided that it was just a coincidence that the car had stopped here too. After all, there weren’t that many places to stop. And so they got in the car and headed down the highway. Later in the day, the girls pulled off into a remote rest stop to use the bathroom and stretch their legs. They didn’t hear the car pull up, but as they were leaving the ladies restroom, they were startled to see the three guys that they had met the night before. They were either drinking again or still drinking. They each had a beer in their hand and they reeked of alcohol. The guys began asking them where they disappeared to the night before. The girls explained that they knew they had to get up early in the morning, so they turned in early. The guys didn’t buy it. They accused Rachael and Sandy of thinking that they were too good for them. Rachael knew that they were in trouble. She could tell by the look on Sandy’s face that she knew it as well. The girls tried to keep their cool, trying to be friendly to the guys, trying not to act like they were afraid. Rachael told them that it was nice to see them again, but that they had to get going. She told them the first thing she could think of and that was that they were due to meet her Dad a few miles away, that he’d be waiting and would be worried if they didn’t show up. With that, the girls tried to pass the three guys, but they wouldn’t let them pass. By now Rachael and Sandy were terrified. When they tried one more time to walk past, two of the guys grabbed their wrists and twisted their arms behind their backs. The girls began to ask them nicely not to hurt them, pleading with them to please let them go, but nothing they said seemed to have any affect on the drunken young men.
A few minutes later, they began to forcefully walk the two girls out into the wooded area behind the rest area. Rachael quickly looked around, praying that there’d be another car there, someone to scare the guys off, but there was no one. Rachael could feel her heart pounding in her chest and was so terrified that she felt she couldn’t breathe. The girls began to plead even harder with them to let them go, to please not hurt them. They started shouting at them to shut up and one of them slapped Sandy hard enough to knock her to the ground. She tried to get up kicking and screaming and Rachael joined in trying to fight as well. They tried as hard as they could to get away, but the men were stronger and suddenly they gave up. One of them had pulled a knife out and was holding it at Rachael’s throat, telling Sandy that if she didn’t do exactly what they told her, that they’d kill her friend. Sandy cried out to please not hurt Rachael and Rachael in turn cried out for Sandy not to give into them. But Sandy did as they told her. The man with the knife held Rachael back with the knife at her throat the whole time as the other two raped and beat Sandy. They raped her repeatedly, forcing their filthy penises in her mouth and they viciously sodomized her. It wasn’t until she lost consciousness that they finally stopped torturing her. Then the one with the knife was ready for what he felt was his turn. He used the knife to cut off Rachael’s top. She just stood there and cried, whimpering like a child. He pushed her to the ground, ripped her shorts off of her and raped her, all the while holding the knife close to her face. While the other two watched, Sandy didn’t move. When he was through raping her, the other two decided that they weren’t finished. They both raped Rachael too. While one of them penetrated her, the other one knelt over her and forced his penis in her mouth…she was gagging, vomiting, but they didn’t care. Then they flipped her body over like a rag doll and took turns sodomizing her. When they stood up, they kicked her until she rolled over onto her back and the one with the knife began stabbing Rachael in the chest. Blood was squirting from her chest and they must have thought that Sandy was already dead because when he stopped stabbing her they just walked away, leaving the two girls in the woods. Two of them got in their own car while another one drove off with Rachael’s car and just left them there to die.
Sandy began to regain consciousness and the first thing she saw was Rachael laying beside her, blood oozing from her chest. She could barely move, but she managed to reach Rachael’s shirt and she tried to put it over her wound to stop the bleeding. She called Rachael’s name and tried to scream but her voice was barely audible. She knew that if she didn’t get help that they were both going to die out there. She also knew that it was quite a distance that they had been forced into the woods and even though she could move a little, she knew she’d never make it back to where they were. After awhile, Rachael’s eyes fluttered a little, opening for just a second. She moaned, but it was just enough hope that Sandy was determined to get them out of there. She took Rachael’s hand and placed it over the shirt that was covering her wound. She couldn’t get up so she began to crawl. Just then she heard the sound of a semi-truck. She tried to move faster. She was in so much pain but she knew that if there was any chance at all of surviving she had to keep moving. She tried screaming again, this time her voice was a little louder, so she would crawl a little, then stop and try to holler for help. She didn’t think she’d make it before the truck left but she heard a voice. She looked up and there was a man. She cried out for help and before she lost consciousness again, she managed to tell the man that her friend was back there in the woods dying. It was days before either girl was conscious enough to even speak.
The truck driver had called the police and a helicopter was brought in to airlift the critically injured girls to the nearest hospital. Their identification had been stolen along with their car, so they had been listed as Jane Doe’s until one of them was able to tell them their names. The same day that Sandy came to enough to tell them who they were was the day that Steve had called the police, concerned because the girls hadn’t checked in since they left on their trip. The police contacted Steve who immediately got on an airplane to come to where Sandy and Rachael were. Being a doctor, one would think that Steve would have a certain immunization to seeing injuries that were dealt to these two beautiful young women, but he was not prepared for what he saw. They were both bruised and swollen beyond recognition and Rachael was on a ventilator as the injury to her chest had caused her lung to collapse and it wasn’t healing. She also had sustained broken ribs, some internal damage to her stomach and possibly her kidneys. Sandy had a broken jaw, broken ribs, and a severe concussion causing some concern for a permanent brain injury. It was a miracle that either of them survived. Steve was grateful that they were alive but he was angrier than he’d ever been in his life. He felt utterly helpless. As he sat, waiting, watching feeling useless for the first time in his life, while the girls struggled to survive, he prayed. He also thought about Emma a lot and was grateful that she was not here to see the pain that they were forced to endure.
Steve placed an extremely difficult phone call to Sandy’s Mother. He tried to tell her the truth without being too graphic. She and her son would be there as soon as they could and per Steve’s request, they would pick Bob up on the way. Then he called the rehab center where Bob was and explained the situation to Bob’s therapist. Then they called Bob to the phone and told him that the girls were in a hospital and that he needed to come right away, and that Sandy’s Mom was on her way to pick him up. Bob began to pray, as did the other members in his group at the center. It wasn’t long before the detectives returned to the hospital in hopes of asking the girls some questions. They couldn’t get much out of them yet, but enough to know that they had more than likely just arrested the three men that had committed this horrendous crime. A state trooper had just stopped them for a traffic violation and was holding them because they suspected the car they were driving to be stolen. They were correct, it was Rachael’s missing car.
“Oh Rachael, my beautiful daughter” were the first words Rachael heard. She heard crying and praying but far beyond the commotion going on in her room, she heard the calm peaceful voice of her mother. She tried to stretch her arm out to find her, but she couldn’t move. Then suddenly she was there, looking so beautiful, so calm. Emma’s soft hand brushed against her daughter’s cheek and forehead. She took Rachael’s hand in hers and stroked her arm softly, like a feather. Emma gently told Rachael that one day it would be time to join her; one-day the light of God would shine for her to follow the path to return home to Him. But it’s not now, she told her. It’s not your time and you can’t give up. You have to fight to live my beautiful child. Rachael didn’t want to live. Her tortured body and mind wanted to give up. She didn’t have the will to go on. She wanted to be with her mother. She wanted to die. But Emma stayed with her, talking to her, reminding her of the dreams she had, often singing to her. She cradled her daughter in her arms like a baby and wouldn’t let go until she knew that Rachael had regained a spark of hope. As she began to come out of her comatose state, she began to call out to Emma. The image of Emma’s face was beginning to fade away as Rachael continued to come to. “No Mom, please don’t leave me. I need you,” she cried out but Emma began to drift away, telling Rachael that she would see her again and that she loved her. As Rachael struggled to see her mother, she opened her eyes to see Bob and Steve standing next to her bed, crying. They were thanking God that she was alive. Rachael learned later that they were pretty certain that she was going to die that day. She tried to tell them that Emma had been there, but she was still too weak to utter the words.
Chapter 15 Life Goes On
The girls’ bodies began to heal and after months of physical therapy, a lot of praying and a lot of hard work, they returned home. Their bodies were healed, but the damage that had been done, went far beyond the physical injuries they endured. Steve contacted some people at the hospital that he worked in and made arrangements for Ray and Sandy to begin counseling the moment they returned home. Their first reaction was to never want to talk about it again, thinking that if they could just forget, life would be normal again. But it wasn’t anything that could ever be forgotten. Plus the trial of these three animals was due to start in a few months. They would be called upon to testify, to tell everyone what had happened to them. Neither of them felt that they could do that, but with the help of the rape crisis counselors, they got through it. The men were convicted and sentenced to 40 years in prison. Everyone was outraged that they hadn’t been given life sentences. But at least they were going to pay a price for what they had done to Rachael and Sandy.
Later that year, Sandy moved to the East Coast to go to college. Rachael had begun taking classes at the local community college. The two kept in touch, but Sandy’s moving away was somewhat of a relief to both of them, as seeing each other was a constant reminder of the nightmare they had been through. Steve and Rachael spent a lot of time together, especially after Sandy moved away. Bob seemed to gather strength after the nightmare of the rape and torture of his niece and her friend. He met a nice woman at one of his AA meetings and they became inseparable too.
One night when Bob and his new friend Michelle were out, Steve came over and Rachael fixed a nice dinner for them. After dinner they went out to the porch, sat in the porch swing and talked for a long time. They were both very relaxed. Steve turned to Rachael and took her face in his hand and gently kissed the top of her nose. He felt her body tense and he just wrapped his arms around her. He told her that he loved her and that he would never do anything to hurt her. He then asked Rachael to marry him. She began to cry and through her tears managed to tell him how afraid she was that she’d never be able to be a wife to anyone. She wasn’t sure she ever wanted a man to touch her again. He said he understood, but then he turned to her again and said no, he didn’t understand. He said that what he felt for her was nothing in comparison to what had happened to her. What those animals did to her was an act of senseless violence and had nothing to do with love or sex. Steve told Rachael that he would always be gentle with her, he would never force himself on her and he just wanted a chance to show her how wonderful a loving relationship between a man and woman could be. She cried some more. She knew he was right and she knew she loved him too. The fact that he was ten years older than her was a comfort in a way. She felt an understanding from him that someone who had endured what she had might not receive from a younger man. A warm sensation came over her and she reached over and touched his face, then kissed his lips softly. The kiss grew more passionate. Steve was the one that stopped the kiss. He didn’t want to pressure her. But Rachael wanted him. She wanted to at least try. Maybe she just wanted to see if she was a normal woman, with normal desires and responses. Her body was filled with desire for him. Rachael took him by the hand and led him upstairs to her room. They lay on the bed with their clothes on, kissing, caressing, touching and wanting each other very much. One by one each piece of their clothing was thrown to the floor and it wasn’t long before they were making love. Steve was so gentle and Rachael responded to that gentleness with all the passion that was buried deep inside her.
From that union came a pregnancy. Steve was so angry with himself for letting that happen. He really hadn’t intended for things to go that far that night. But they were in love and in spite of the unplanned pregnancy they were happy. They were married soon after that in a small ceremony in a tiny chapel in the mountains. Steve had finished his residency and was asked to go into practice with a well-known Doctor in Denver. They bought a new house and were well on their way of becoming a successful couple. Rachael gave birth that next spring to a healthy baby girl. At nineteen, Rachael had become a mother, was still a college student and the wife of a promising Doctor. They named their daughter Emma Elisabeth after Rachael’s Mom. Steve hired a nanny so that Rachael could continue her classes and several years later she graduated from law school. That should have been a happy time in Rachael’s life, but soon after passing the bar exam’s she realized that she and Steve had very different views on life.
All through college, Rachael had continued her work at the woman’s crisis center and she had planned to remain there to provide legal counsel to woman who had no place else to turn. Steve, on the other hand wanted different things out of life. He wanted prestige, expensive house, fancy cars, a boat, and a membership to the country club. He wanted Rachael to plan large parties and be a part of the life that he wanted. He wanted her to contribute financially to the lifestyle that he wanted to become accustomed to. He presented her with what he thought was a great gift after she passed her exams. He had pulled some strings and gotten her an interview with the largest law firm in Denver. Rachael was heartbroken, but blamed herself for not making her intentions better known. She felt somehow indebted to her husband for all of the money he had invested in her education, hiring a nanny to help her with Emma and being a loving and supportive husband while she studied. She didn’t speak up. She went for the interview, was offered a position and she took it, knowing this is would make Steve proud of her. She told herself that she’d still have time to spend at the crisis center and at least take a few cases on each year. Of course she was wrong. Her new position took up all of her time.
She missed the women at the center so much. Whether it was forgetfulness or done subconsciously to sabotage her new career, Rachael forgot to use birth control on several occasions and she got pregnant again. Steve was furious. She promised him she could do it all. And she did. She worked up until she gave birth to her twin boys, Eric and Michael. If it weren’t for Sophia, the nanny, she couldn’t have done it. Sophia was there for all of them, all of the time. She was a blessing to Rachael. Still, there was something missing in her life. And there was something missing in both Steve and Rachael’s relationship with one another, not to mention a growing resentment. They rarely talked about their feelings. They just went through the years being busy with their careers, children and their high-class life.
The year that Emma turned 19 and the boys were just turning 16, Ray and Steve were approaching their 20th wedding anniversary. The years had flown by and somehow they had managed to stay together. Probably because they were so busy, neither of them noticed how unhappy they each were. One afternoon, Rachael came home early with a terrible migraine. She went up to the bedroom and found Steve and Sophia in their bed making love. She bolted from the room, down the stairs and jumped into her car and just began driving. She didn’t know where to go. She headed for the crisis center, but then kept going as she passed it, thinking that she had let them down and how could she go there now and face them. She drove and drove until nightfall. She felt so guilty. She felt that this was all her fault. She had let Steve down; she wasn’t a good wife to him, and the children. How could she have let another…. no the other woman raise her children all these years. She wondered how long it had been going on. She blamed herself for everything and something inside of her snapped. She wanted to die. She knew it was the only thing to do. She thought about her rapists, about the rape, wondering why she couldn’t have died then. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She’d been a mistake from the very beginning. Her father didn’t even know she existed, her mother was gone and she still missed her so much, she just wanted to be with her. Her husband was having an affair with a woman who had lived in their house for nearly twenty years, and she truly despised her successful career. She felt that she had sold her values and beliefs out, not to mention the women who needed her at the crisis center. She was always working, never home for the children. But Sophia was. Sophia was there for all of them, all of the time. All these thoughts raced through her head and the only thing left to do was to die. To get out of their lives, do them all a favor and just disappear. Rachael had pulled her car over somewhere during this time and had begun walking along the riverbank. She looked up and saw the bridge.
Yes, she knew what she must do. She climbed back up the hill to the road, walked up to the middle of the bridge, stepped up onto the railing and out across the water, up to the sky. She looked for her mother’s face in the stars. She strained to hear her voice and realized she’d forgotten the sound of it. She began to cry, began to pray and asked God to forgive what she was about to do, but she knew it had to be done. It’s the only thing that made sense. Her hand loosened its grip on the wire it was holding when she heard a voice behind her yelling wait! “Mom” she cried as she turned slightly. Her eyes blurred with tears, she had trouble focusing on who was behind her. It wasn’t her Mother. It was two police officers. The one that had yelled to her was a woman. She asked if they could talk and Rachael told her there was nothing to be said. Then the officer asked her if her name was Rachael. “It is, isn’t it?” she asked again. “I remember you”, she said. For some reason Rachael began to listen to her. The officer explained who she was and that she’d been a victim of a brutal rape as a child and years ago, when Rachael was still at the crisis center, she had helped her and inspired her so much. She had changed her life by being there for her when she needed someone who truly understood what she was going through. Briefly Rachael had a few sound thoughts and began to relax but just briefly. She remembered what she felt she must do and turned toward the water once again. But that brief conversation had allowed the other officer to get behind Rachael’s other side. Just as she let go of the wire, he grabbed her around her waist and pulled her off the railing. She began to scream, kick and swear at him for stopping her. She begged him to let her go. The sounds of the sirens seemed far away, but they were there. They were right there and they were on the ambulance that was transporting Rachael to the hospital. She had to be restrained and sedated and was admitted to the hospital. The diagnosis was, a severe mental breakdown. The first thing she remembered when she came to was the female officer sitting next to her bed. She wasn’t in uniform anymore; she had come in after her shift was over to sit with Rachael. Her name was Samantha, but everyone called her Sam. She told Rachael that Steve and her children were in the waiting room and wanted to see her. Rachael refused. She began to get hysterical again. Sam assured her that nobody would be allowed in without her permission, but that did little good, because she just couldn’t regain control of herself and the staff had to sedate her again. The next few days were a blur. She was in and out of long deep sleeps. Often times when waking, finding Sam there. About the fourth day, Rachael was able to remain calmer when she woke up. She and Sam talked for a while, but she wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened. A few days later, Rachael was allowed to walk the hallways and go into the recreation room. But she was also then required to begin seeing a psychiatrist. It was a series of intense therapy before Rachael was ready to see her family. She allowed the children first. She apologized, cried and begged their forgiveness. They all cried as well and told her that they were just glad she was alive and that they loved her. But how could she possibly deserve their love? The visit was painful for all four of them, but they left assuring their Mom that they loved her and needed her to get well. Then it was time for Steve’s visit. Was she ready for this? She had to be ready. It was time. Steve came in, looked at her and began to cry. He asked for her forgiveness and asked that she listen to what he had to say. She listened. As a matter of fact, she didn’t utter a word until he was done explaining how they’d grown apart, how he didn’t feel he was part of her life, or important in her life and that Sophia had fulfilled those needs. He wasn’t proud of it and he hated himself for hurting her the way he had, but he said he was weak, he needed someone and Sophia was there. Yes, Rachael realized that. Sophia was there for them. She was there for all of them, all of the time. Once Steve was done with his apologies and explanations, she told him that she needed time to figure out what she wanted to do next. He said he understood and with tears streaming down his face and with a trembling voice, he told her that he loved her, and that he’d loved her from the first day they met and loved her still. “We grew apart,” he said, but “I still love you”. Rachael was understandably unable to respond to that. Steve left and before Rachael could break down crying, her therapist was right there, encouraging her to talk about the visits. Through the tears, Rachael was able to tell him what had happened. Thus began the healing process.
Chapter 16 Time Heals
After extensive therapy, including family therapy and lots of soul searching, when it was time to leave the hospital, Rachael decided that she wasn’t ready to return to their home. Steve understood and decided that divorcing would be for the best. Through the therapy, they had once again become friends and they could see clearly that they both needed to continue their lives in different directions. Rachael placed a call to Bob asking for his help. That was so hard for her to do, as she had always viewed asking for help as a weakness. She didn’t impose that standard on anyone else, but for some reason, she put it on herself. Bob and Michelle had married years before and they were both more than happy to help Rachael in any way they could. They had a small apartment above their garage that Michelle had used as her studio to paint. They offered the apartment to Rachael and she gladly and gratefully accepted. Emma, Michael and Eric helped her move some of her things on a day that Steve was working late. She was proud of her children that they had compassion and wisdom beyond their years. They seemed to understand fully what Rachael was going through and they supported her decision to move. They made plans to visit often and spend time together plus the kids wanted to continue to go to family therapy with Rachael. Emma was a little reluctant. She seemed to be taking this a little harder than the boys, but she did understand what her Mom was going through and she wanted to help and remain a part of her life.
Rachael took another three weeks off before returning to work. She got comfortably settled into her apartment, repainted some walls, hung some different curtains and enjoyed decorating just for herself, without seeking approval from anyone. She spent time taking care of herself, which is something she had never learned to do. She took care of everyone else’s needs first and foremost often pushing her own needs aside. She also enjoyed the time she was spending with her children. Often one would drop by alone, but sometimes the four of them would have dinner together. They’d help her in the kitchen, talking and laughing as they prepared their meal, sometimes even singing together. Now and then Rachael would break down, torn between the guilt she felt for not providing this kind of life for her children and between feeling totally at peace with herself, her children and her life. Realistically she knew that she wasn’t to blame for not being that kind of mother when they were small. Circumstances just sometimes shape the atmosphere in which one is brought up, thus pushing the idealistic life that you want into the background. She didn’t blame anyone. This is life and perhaps this is the way her life was supposed to be, perhaps this is how she was to show her children how to live a life that will make you happy, rather than one that you’re expected to live. Whatever the reasons, life was good.
Rachael returned to work, announcing to the senior partners that she was back to finish up some caseloads, transfer others and basically try to help them out until they found a replacement for her. She had decided to resign and practice law in the way she had always hoped and dreamed she would. She asked if that would be acceptable to them. Deep inside, she wouldn’t have blamed them if they’d thrown her out the door that day, but they seemed to understand and were grateful for her honesty and her willingness to make the transition of her departure as easy on the firm as she could. About three months later, she walked out the door, saying goodbye to her corporate office, her prestigious career and the people whom she had worked with for so many years. It was hard to say goodbye, but it was also a very exciting time for Rachael. The divorce was final and she was now free of the corporate world that she had come to dislike immensely. That week, Bob suffered a massive heart attack and died. Rachael ran from her apartment following Michelle’s screams for help and immediately began CPR while Michelle called 911. She tried in vain to save her Uncle, but it wasn’t to be. He was gone. Michelle was devastated and Rachael spent a lot of time with her trying to comfort and help her. After Bob’s will was read, Rachael learned that she was the new owner of the cabin up in the mountains. He had also left her a great deal of money, and had provided well for his wife Michelle. It was of little comfort to Michelle as she was so in love with him and missed him terribly. But with extra money comes a certain freedom, so after much discussion, Michelle decided to travel to Texas to visit her sister and family for an extended amount of time.
Rachael made the decision to go up to the cabin, get it cleaned up and spend some time alone. Both women needed to get away, even for a short time, from the memories that lingered in Bob and Michelle’s home. She hoped that the children would come up at least for a short time in the summer before Eric and Michael went off to college. Steve and Rachael had spent a considerable amount of time together during the family’s mourning of their beloved Bob even though they were divorced. They were still friends but it became clear to Rachael that if she didn’t get away that neither of them could truly go on with their lives. Rachael had learned from Steve one night when they had dinner together that he was still seeing Sophia. She waited to become upset, but that didn’t come. However as Rachael’s eyes filled with tears, she realized that she missed Sophia. She also realized that not once had she asked how Sophia was or where she was during the past few months.
Steve thought at first he had upset her and started apologizing, but Ray took his hands in hers and told him not to do that. She asked if he loved Sophia. He hesitated, but finally said he did. Ray told her husband to be happy, live your life in peace and happiness and love with all of your heart. They kissed tenderly and then they both cried a little. Rachael then asked about Sophia and he told her that she had moved out that night and that she didn’t contact them until recently. He’d been looking for her, but couldn’t find her. She had gone to stay with her Grandmother in Mexico to try to make some sense of what had happened. She returned a few weeks ago and contacted Steve in the hopes that he and Ray had worked things out and she wanted to see Ray and apologize to her. But Steve wanted to tell Rachael first. During all these months of soul searching for the three of them, they had all come to understand how it happened, why it happened and that there was no sense in being bitter. She asked Steve to tell Sophia that she understood. Nearly twenty years ago they had asked Sophia to be a part of their lives; she had basically done everything in their home for them all those years. Steve and Ray had grown apart through no fault of Sophia’s and through their loneliness; they found comfort in one another. She kissed his forehead as she rose from the table to leave, wished him well, left the restaurant, went home and began packing for her trip to the mountains. She laughed as she packed her new cotton blue dress. She never understood what came over her the day she purchased it. It was so unlike anything she’d worn. And she didn’t understand why on earth she was finding herself packing it to take to the mountains. Where would she wear it? Why would she wear it? She chuckled at herself again, but packed it anyway.
The following day, the kids all came over to say goodbye. They promised that some time during the summer they would come up there. She gazed long and lovingly at her sons. They were so bright, so compassionate and so handsome. Beaming with pride as she watched them walk out the door and down the steps. It was just she and Emma in the room now. She turned to her daughter; they hugged one another and cried a little. Rachael began to think maybe it wasn’t a good time to leave her kids, but then when Emma began to tell her of all her plans for the summer, the excitement in her voice told Rachael that her daughter was going to be just fine. That afternoon, Rachael drove Michelle to the airport and after more hugs and tears, Rachael returned to her apartment and went to bed. She was leaving for the cabin first thing in the morning.
She woke before the alarm even went off, the pending sunrise and the singing birds greeting her. She couldn’t believe how excited she was to be going up there. She truly wanted to be alone, to hide from the world, to just shut down and reawaken her soul in a new form. She wasn’t angry or bitter or sad, she just wanted to be totally alone with herself, perhaps to find out who Rachael really was and where she’d been for all these years. She double-checked the boxes she had packed, knowing that getting to a grocery store up there was a rather lengthy trip.
Bob had always talked about the couple that ran the general store and said that they were always very friendly and helpful. So she had called them a couple of weeks before she had planned to leave and asked them if they knew of someone she could hire to go out and take a look at the cabin to see if it needed any major repair work. Through them she had hired someone to do some repair work on the porch. Her trip to the cabin was a peaceful one. It was a beautiful day and she had always enjoyed driving alone. It allowed her to think, to play the music she wanted, at the volume she wanted and she enjoyed singing out loud with the music. Stopping several times along the way to just get out of the car, take some pictures, breathe the mountain air and relax. She was in no hurry to get there really; she was content to take her time.
When she arrived at the cabin, it was mid afternoon. She unpacked the car, put the groceries away, and took the covers off the furniture that kept them from getting dusty. Rachael made some tea to make iced tea and while the tea was cooling, she went to take a shower. Luckily, Bob had given Faith and Mike a key to the cabin in case of emergencies. They had hired a person to check the cabin to see if any major repair work was needed. The porch steps were in pretty bad shape, so with Rachael’s approval, they hired him to repair the steps and to go inside, light the water heater and check to make sure the chimney wasn’t plugged so that she could use the fireplace on the cool mountain evenings. After her shower, she stood in the bathroom and smoothed body oil over her entire body. She smiled as she opened the container of jasmine scented oil and the scent made its way to her nostrils. Emma had bought that for her before she left and told her that it had magic powers and would bring her much happiness. “My daughter, the dreamer, filled with so many romantic ideas” she thought to herself. It did smell very sensual and the cool liquid felt good as she slowly ran her hands up and down her body. Her smooth hands felt good sliding up and down her body and she realized how very long it had been since she had been made love to. Her body became filled with desire, something was awakening in her and it felt so wonderful. The bathroom was steamy and foggy from her shower, so she opened the door slightly to let the moist air out.
Outside and surprised to find someone at the cabin, Tristin was working diligently on his repair job. He had tried to knock at the door, but nobody answered. Stopping only for a split second when the open bathroom door released the magical smell of jasmine oil. Unbeknownst to Rachael, there was someone outside working. It wasn’t until she heard the pounding of a hammer that she realized he was out there. She slipped a pair of shorts and a t-shirt on, peered out the window and could see that it must be the person hired to fix the porch. She could only see the back of him, but she thought he might be getting hot so she went to the kitchen to finish making the iced tea. Pouring the tea over a glass full of ice, she then took the glass to the front porch. When the young man stood up straight and turned to her, their eyes met…they touched when he took the glass from her hand…. they kissed and the rest of the night was like a fairy tale. Emma was right, the jasmine was magical.
Although she couldn’t help but wonder where they would go from here. Their love was great, but could it be that simple? She had told her children she was coming home this week. Both Rachael and Tristin were quiet for a long time. However, in their silence with their eyes locked in a deep gaze of love, their fears and concerns were conveyed. They held on to one another tightly praying that love would conquer all.
Chapter 17 A New Life Begins
The fire had gone out in the fireplace and the sun was coming up. She had spent the entire night talking about her life. Nobody had ever listened to Rachael like Tristin had listened to her; with heartfelt interest and warmth and understanding in his eyes. They kissed tenderly, got up and walked hand in hand to the bedroom. At the side of the bed, Rachael touched Tristin’s face, said, “I love you”. Tristin said, “Rachael, I love you too, with all my heart and soul.” With that, Rachael untied her robe and let it fall to the floor. She turned back the covers, climbed into the center of the bed and held her hand out. Tristin slowly began to undo his jeans, while looking deep into her eyes. Still looking in her eyes and into her soul, he stepped one leg out of his jeans, then the other and then Tristin reached his arm out, took her hand and slipped under the soft downy covers with her where their bodies once again became one.
Dawn was barely breaking when Rachael woke. For a split second she was afraid to open her eyes. Her fear was that everything had been a dream and that if she opened her eyes, Tristin may not be there. Perhaps he had never been there. She laid very still, her eyes still shut tightly, hoping to hear him breathing. All she heard was the sound of her own breathing, her heart pounding and the distant sound of thunder rolling on the other side of the mountain. Her eyes began to well up with tears. Had she been dreaming? As she began to open her tear-filled eyes she heard a noise coming from the kitchen, then some humming. A smile swept her face as she realized that Tristin was still here. It wasn’t a dream after all it was real, he was real and as he re-entered the bedroom the tears dropped from her eyes and trickled over the wide smile she had on her face. Tristin set the tray that he was carrying down next to the bed and swept Rachael up in his arms, covering her face with kisses, making the tears disappear with his lips. He asked her if she was all right and she told him that she had a horrible feeling when she woke that this had all been a dream and when she realized it wasn’t, she was so overcome with happiness that she couldn’t stop crying. He held her close, telling her how special she was and how much he loved her.
Moments later, he reached for the tray and told her that the coffee would get cold. He had gone out to back of the cabin along the path to the lake and found probably the last bunch of wildflowers still alive out there and put them in a vase on the tray. He had coffee and some fruit and also a small candle burning. She was so moved. She hadn’t felt this special in so long. After they finished one cup of coffee, they took another cup, a blanket and went to the porch. The morning was crisp and the threat of a thunderstorm made the air feel even cooler. Wrapping up in the blanket, they sat together on the porch swing and sipped their coffee. Rachael laid her head gently on Tristin shoulder and together they listened to the storm moving closer. Tristin was the first to break the silence that was building. Both were thinking about the future. Neither of them was sure exactly how to broach the subject. Tristin began by telling Rachael that Hannah would be home in a few days. He said that he would need to spend some time getting ready for the winter. He explained a little bit about how difficult it can get sometimes in the mountains during the winter. Travel is not possible during some of the heavier snowfalls.
Rachael began to talk about how she had told her children that she’d be home this week and how she had planned to begin a new practice near the shelter that had always been so dear to her heart. But they had both found their soul mates in one another. How could they stand to be apart? They couldn’t let this love slip through their hands. They talked about the possibility of Rachael moving into the cabin for good. If she had her office here, she could do some commuting into Denver when she needed to. But how would her clients get to her? And what about her children? There were questions, but looking deep into each other’s eyes, they knew in their hearts that where there are questions, there’s bound to be answers. The answers would come in time. They decided they would have to trust in that and trust in God. He had brought them together; surely he would not want them parted.
The following day, it was decided that Rachael would return for a short time to Denver, spend some time with her kids and get their opinions on where she should go from here. They both agreed that Hannah would be better off if she were to have some time alone with her Dad before she and Rachael met. So reluctantly and quite tearfully they bid farewell to one another but only temporarily. They would talk on the phone and they could write. The goal was for Rachael to be back for the winter. Tristin said that he would have her cabin ready for the winter months plus he gave her a list of things that she should bring back with her to last her the winter, just in case of being snowed in. It was extremely difficult for them to say goodbye, even though they knew it was only for a short time. Their last night together was what romance novels are written about making passionate love throughout the night. But the morning was so very sad for both. After a lengthy and tearful goodbye, Rachael drove down the long lane, trying to keep her foot on the accelerator when she wanted so badly to slam on the brakes, reverse the gears and head straight back to the love of her life and never leave is side again. But she also knew that she had a responsibility to Eric, Michael and Emma and she did miss them very much. And Michelle was due back from her sisters this week too, she was anxious to find out how she was coping with her life without Bob. Yes, it was the right thing to do, even though her heart would forever remain in these mountains with Tristin.
The kids were ecstatic to see their Mom even though they had been up to visit at the cabin just a few weeks before. They each commented on how well Rachael looked and how she even had a glow about her. When she blushed, they began to tease her and coax her to “tell all”. She began slowly, not sure how they would react to her having met another man, but she could see the happiness on their faces and soon she was telling them everything. Perhaps not everything, for some things are extremely private and personal and not meant to be shared, but she didn’t want to keep her beautiful love story a secret, especially from her compassionate and sensitive children. They were so happy for her and encouraged her to go back as soon as she could. They wanted to come up right away as well to meet Tristin but due to school that would have to wait for a few weeks. They decided that they would spend Thanksgiving at the cabin with their Mom and meet Tristin and Hannah. Rachael’s tears were not to be stopped due to the overwhelming support of her three children. She briefly wondered how Steve would react, but part of her knew that it didn’t really matter. What the kids thought mattered and although she hoped to have his blessing, Steve’s feelings weren’t all that important at this moment. The second the kids left, she called Tristin with the happy news.
He also had similar news. He had picked Hannah up at the airport and told her all about Rachael on the way home and she couldn’t wait to meet Rachael either. Even at the tender age of ten, she understood that her father had been alone far too long and she knew that Rachael must be pretty special for her Dad to have fallen in love with her. Now all she would need to do is decide what she wanted to do about her practice. Tristin knew how important it was for her to finally practice the field of law that she had dreamed of all these years and had pushed it aside for a different life, for the life Steve wanted, not what she wanted. He encouraged her to take her time in deciding how she wanted to set up her practice and that he would do everything he could to support her decision. By now Rachael was exhausted and she was to pick Michelle up at the airport first thing in the morning, so she decided not to think about it anymore that night. She would talk it over with Michelle and the kids some more before she made any hard fast decisions.
That night she dreamed of fields of flowers, children’s laughter, warm rays of sunshine on her face and her mother. She saw her mother from across the field, wearing a long white flowing dress and she looked so happy, so peaceful. Rachael walked and walked through the field of beautiful flowers to reach her. It seemed like an eternity before she finally reached the other side. Her mother held out her arms to her and whispered gently “this is why you’re alive. Follow your heart. Follow your dreams Rachael. Love him with all of your heart and soul and don’t hold back anything that you feel.” Rachael turned her head slightly and saw Tristin standing on the other end of the field. “Go to him my beautiful daughter. He loves you and you love him and there’s nothing greater or more important than love.” Her mom kissed her cheek and when Rachael turned to walk across the long field again, it took no time at all before she and Tristin reached each other. Looking back she could see her mother smiling, but fading away. She felt a little sadness, but knew that one day she would see her mother again. She and Tristin embraced and then she woke up. Rachael was so at peace at that moment. Everything seemed so clear, all of her answers were in her heart and she knew that everything would work out. The dream was so vivid, but she knew that it was no coincidence. Emma always had a way of coming to Rachael when she needed her most. Even beyond the grave. Yes, love was the greatest and most important thing in the world.
After showering and getting dressed, Rachael headed for the airport to pick up Michelle. There was a delay in the planes arrival, so Rachael took a walk around the airport, looking through the gift shop and getting a cup of coffee. As she took her coffee to the waiting area near the gate that Michelle’s plane was to arrive at, she bumped into a man and almost spilled her coffee on him. He muttered something about watching where she was going even though Rachael had apologized. He was a rough looking man and though he looked vaguely familiar to her, she couldn’t place him. She apologized again but he kept walking. The plane was arriving and as Rachael stood at the window watching the plane taxi to the gate, she didn’t realize that the man was sitting near her. As Michelle departed the plane, she yelled Rachael’s name out loud and Rachael rushed to her and they gave each other a huge hug. Looking at her watch, Rachael couldn’t help but notice the time and knew that the traffic would be horrendous, so she suggested to Michelle that they go to one of the lounges, have a drink, and catch each other up with all their news. The two of them talked for hours, had a couple of drinks and a sandwich. So much had happened since they’d seen each other last, so many personal changes. They were both so engrossed in one another’s details that neither of them noticed that the man that Rachael had bumped into had followed them into the bar. Nor did either of them notice that he followed them to the parking lot and home. While the two of them carried Michelle’s luggage inside, the man watched from across the street, sitting in his car. They decided that Rachael would sleep in the house that night so that they could continue talking. Rachael ran up to her apartment to get something to sleep in and her toothbrush.
When she returned, they got ready for bed, made some hot chocolate and settled in around the kitchen table to talk some more. It began to get late and they were both getting tired. There was a lull in the conversation and suddenly Michelle took a good look around the room and began to cry. This was the first time she’d sat at this table since Bob died. She told Rachael that she hadn’t even slept in the bed before she went to visit her sister. The few nights that she spent alone before she left, the little sleep that she had gotten, she had slept on the couch. She said that she couldn’t face the bedroom without Bob. She still missed him so much. The two women hugged each other tightly and they both wept a little. Yes, the house was empty without Bob and their lives had changed. Especially Michelle. They were still so in love after all these years and her life was empty without him there. Rachael then reminded Michelle of all the things she told her earlier, all of her plans, all of the positive things she’d found in her life, and the heartbreaking but graceful acceptance that life will go on without Bob there. He would always be in their hearts; he would always be in everything they do. Michelle agreed but she hadn’t expected to be so overwhelmed at returning to the home she shared with her beloved Bob. It would be an adjustment that she would have to make, but one that she knew she could make with time. Michelle began to talk again about her plans to open a shelter for runaway and troubled kids downtown in Bob’s office. She would open it in his memory. It was going to be a lot of work, because it was an old building in need of repair. Bob had closed off the upstairs and the back of the building and only used the very front for his office. Michelle got so excited about her plan again that she was talking a mile a minute.
One big part of Michelle’s plan for the shelter was for Rachael to volunteer legal services when needed. Rachael was more than happy to do that, but she wasn’t sure how that would fit in with the new life she was hoping to make with Tristin. Tristin, just saying his name made her long for him. She wanted to call him, but decided that he and Hannah would be sleeping by now. The two women began to brainstorm. Perhaps Rachael could do most of the work from the mountains. With the computer technology, she could get a lot done. Not to mention that at some point she herself wanted to start something for kids up there; some type of a camp for kids in trouble. The ideas were flying so fast it began to make their heads spin. Finally, exhausted they decided to go to bed. Michelle still wasn’t ready to face her bed without Bob, so she took the couch and Rachael was going to sleep in the guestroom.
Michelle was in the bathroom preparing for a shower, or so Rachael thought. She could hear the shower running, so she turned the TV on and sat down. It began to seem like a long time so she hollered for Michelle, asking her what was taking her so long. When she didn’t answer, Rachael figured that she hadn’t heard her. She waited some more and then headed for the hallway. She called Michelle’s name again, and then she thought she heard a strange noise. She knocked at the bathroom door, no response. With one hand softy knocking and with the other hand she began to turn the knob, a chilling fear swept over her. She knew that something wasn’t right but she had to see if Michelle was ok. When the door opened, there stood Michelle, with the man from the airport standing behind her, holding her with a knife to her throat.
Michelle tried to struggle and tried to tell Rachael to run, but it was too late. The man knew Rachael; he called her by name and told her that he'd been waiting for this day for over twenty years. The realization of who was standing before her with a knife to Michelle's throat swept over entire body. She knew that he was one of the animals that had raped her and Sandy twenty-five years earlier. She also knew that this time he would make sure that he killed her and anyone else that got in his way. Michelle knew it too. Rachael could see the fear in her eyes but she could also see the determination that Michelle was trying to convey to her, determination not to let him win. Even if they died, he couldn't get away with it. Rachael knew that they didn't have much time to make a move if they were going to survive. Together they would have to over power him, because if Rachael ran, she knew that he would not hesitate to kill Michelle. Her eyes flashed from his eyes to Michelle’s, back and forth. She began to plead with him to let Michelle go even though she knew it wouldn't do any good, but she thought that it might buy her a little time. Desperately wondering if she could remember anything she learned in the self-defense classes that she took, Rachael knew that overtaking him was their only hope.
Before another thought could run through her head, he made the first move. He shoved Michelle forward, towards Rachael, almost as a shield and told them to walk very slowly into the bedroom. Once in the bedroom, his rage became even more apparent, spewing foul language and blaming Rachael for ruining his life. He ordered them both to remove their clothes. Michelle began to cry and beg him not to do this. He turned to strike her across the face, turning his back to Rachael. She had been praying that Bob's gun was still in the drawer next to her. She knew this might be their only hope. Michelle knew what Rachael was thinking, so she struck back at him, keeping him focused on her. He began to beat Michelle savagely, wrapping his hands around her throat. Shots rang out. The man spun around as he was hit in the shoulder with a bullet from Bob's gun. He started to lunge at Rachael with his knife in his hand but she pulled the trigger again, dropping him to the floor. The room was completely silent. Michelle was still on the floor and Rachael just stood there in the middle of the room with the gun still pointed at the now lifeless man laying on the floor. Michelle was the first to move. She began to get up, but she was so badly shaken and injured that all she could do was crawl to where Rachael was standing. Once she got to Rachael who was still frozen she raised her hand to Rachael’s arm and told her to put the gun down. Instead Rachael took several steps forward and aimed the gun for his head. Michelle screamed for her not to do it. She screamed for Rachael to get the phone, not to pull the trigger again. Rachael let her arm drop to her side and began to shake uncontrollably. Meanwhile Michelle had managed to crawl to the phone next to the bed and dialed 911. She frantically gave her name and address and briefly told them what happened. The police were on their way. She put the phone down and told Rachael to lay the gun on the floor and sit on the bed with her. As if in a trance, she did what Michelle told her to do. They held each other's hands but sat there silently, waiting for the police to arrive.
It wasn't long before they heard the sounds of the sirens. Michelle got up and stumbled to the front door, opened it and led the officers to the bedroom. Next came all the questions. Rachael was unable to speak. Evidence was collected, including the gun; the two women were led into the living room and were asked more questions while more people came. There were police all over the house, searching, talking, and taking pictures. It was hours before the coroner came to pick up the man's body. When Rachael saw the coroner enter the house, it was the first time she realized that he was dead. That's when she fell apart. After what seemed like an eternity, the house began to empty out. The last couple officers were there and suggested that they call someone. Rachael wanted to call Tristin, but it was the middle of the night, he was so far away and she surely didn't want to meet Hannah under these circumstances. Michelle picked up the phone to call Steve. Rachael protested, but then relented. She briefly told Steve what had happened and he told her to take Rachael up to the garage apartment and wait there for him. She told the officer that's where they were going and so he helped the women up the outside steps and waited till they got inside. It wasn't long before Steve arrived. He scooped Rachael and Michelle both up in his arms and asked them if they were hurt. Rachael told him that Michelle had been beaten. He sat them down and began to look them over for anything serious. Michelle's injuries weren't life threatening, but both women were extremely shaken, in shock and almost catatonic. He considered admitting them both to the hospital for observation, but then decided he could care for them at home, but Rachael didn't want to go to the house. Making the commitment then to stay with them for a few hours, he gave them both a shot of a tranquilizer, helped Rachael to her bed and got Michelle settled down on the couch. He held them each gently in his arms and did his best to comfort them. Steve didn't realize until they had both fallen asleep how angry and shaken he was. He walked outside the door, looking down the steps that led to Bob and Michelle's house and began pounding his fist on the side of the garage. After his rage subsided a little he began to realize how lucky the two were. Neither had been raped, their injuries were superficial and even though this had been a tremendous shock, they had survived. But this was so unfair, that Rachael had been subjected to the same brutality by the same perpetrator that she had so many years ago. He knew the battle she faced the last time, the battle of living after surviving. Being a survivor was one thing, being happy and content again is another. He prayed like he had never prayed before. Then he went down to the house to call Sophia. They talked a long while, trying to find a way to tell the children what had happened to their Mom and their Aunt. There would be no easy way. He just had to tell them and trust that they were mature enough to deal with the shock, the grief and that they were able to offer a little support to two women they admired and loved with all of their hearts. Sophia pointed out that they were wonderful children that they were so much like Rachael that she knew that they would be able to handle this as positive as they could. They would tell them in the morning. Steve went back up to the apartment, checked on Ray and Michelle and then tried to relax in the recliner. He drifted off now and then, but kept waking up, feeling as though he needed to keep a vigil, to be there if either of them woke up and most of all, he felt the need to protect them. Something he was unable to do earlier. He knew it wasn't his fault, but all the same, he wished so much that he could have prevented this from happening.
At some point Steve fell asleep and was awakened by the hysterical screams coming from the bedroom. He and Michelle rushed to Rachael’s side, but nothing they said or did could calm her. She was inconsolable. They didn't know if she'd been dreaming or if she woke and the reality of what happened was setting in. Maybe it was a combination of both, but whatever the cause, they couldn't calm her down. Steve ended up giving her another shot and called an ambulance. Feeling utterly helpless, Michelle just sat on the edge of the bed, rocking, crying and praying. The ambulance came and Rachael was admitted to the hospital for observation. Michelle tried to ask Rachael if she wanted her to call Tristin but Rachael was unable to respond. That decision was taken out of Michelle's hands seconds after the ambulance backed out of the drive when Rachael's phone rang. Trembling, she answered the phone. It was Tristin. Michelle told him the whole story and he said he'd be there as soon as he could. She wasn't sure whether to ask him to wait or whether to encourage him so she decided to leave it up to him. After locking the apartment up, Michelle got into Steve's car where he'd been waiting for her while she was on the phone, so that she could ride to the hospital with him. She didn't know how much Steve knew about Tristin, so she was a little vague about the phone call, but she did get the point across that Tristin and Rachael were very close and that he was on his way to Denver. He didn't question her about it; he was too worried about Rachael.
After arriving at the hospital, Steve and Michelle waited while the Doctor examined Rachael and determined that it would be in her best interest to be admitted for a few days. The psychiatrist that treated her after her breakdown was called in to discuss the best course to take to help Rachael get over the trauma and shock of what she and Michelle had just been through. Hours later, a handsome young man rushed out of the elevator opening on the fourth floor. Michelle took one look at him and knew instantly that it was Tristin. She went to him and said that her name was Michelle and he instantly hugged her and began to ask her what happened. She asked him to please come with her and together they went into a private waiting area, Steve was called in and together they explained what had happened the night before. Tristin laid his head in his hands and began to sob and it became clear to Steve that Tristin was in love with Rachael. The rest of the day was spent talking with her doctors, finding someone to counsel Michelle through this and calling Sophia to bring the kids to the hospital. The children were extremely distraught especially Emma. She insisted on seeing her Mother and she would not take no for an answer. Before going into her Mother's room, she hugged Tristin and whispered that she would get her Mom back, that she would get her back for him and because she needed her. Inside the room, Emma climbed into bed next to her Mom and held her, she cried and kept talking to Rachael. She talked and talked, she sang songs that they had sung when Emma was little, and she refused to leave her Mother's side until finally Rachael opened her eyes and then cried with her caring and sensitive daughter. Emma told her Mom that Tristin was outside the room waiting to see her. At first she didn't want him to see her like she was and after what she'd done, but after a few minutes of protesting, she realized that she did want to see him, that she needed to see him. Rachael couldn't speak when Tristin came in and all he said to her was that he loved her and he took her into his arms. They both wept softly until she fell asleep in his loving arms. Outside her room, Rachael's children, Michelle, Sophia and Steve tried to make some sense of what had happened and how. With everyone totally exhausted, it was decided that Michelle would go home with Steve and the kids. Tristin wouldn't hear of leaving, he was staying right by Rachael's side. The only time he left the room was to call Faith and Mike who were watching Hannah. Hannah had already gone to bed and they assured Tristin that she was fine and not to worry one second about her. She was such a joy to be around that they both loved having her around. Mike had checked on the horses and the ranch earlier and would do so again each day until Tristin could return. Thanking them with a shaky, tearful voice, he told them that he would call back tomorrow. Then he returned to the room and sat in the chair next to Rachael's bed, watching her sleep, watching her toss and turn and cry out now and then in her sleep, wishing there was something more he could do and wishing, like Steve that this had not happened. But it did and now they would have to deal with it.
As the dawn broke and began to shine it's warm amber light through the window, Tristin was awakened by the light in his eyes. He woke to find Rachael sitting cross-legged in the middle of the hospital bed, staring at him. He smiled at her, rose from the chair and moved towards the bed. Rachael reached up and gently touched his face as a tear trickled down her left cheek. Tristin lifted his hand and gently wiped the tear away with one finger and then placed his finger on his lips as if to kiss the tear away. The two of them jut sat there for quite a long time, looking into one another's eyes, touching each other, holding on ever so gently but tightly, as deep emotional but not hysterical tears continued to fall from her eyes. No words were spoken until a nurse came in to check her vital signs and administer her medication. The silent spell had been broken and even though Rachael didn't say a lot, she did appear fairly calm and rational. After the nurse left, she looked deep into his eyes and told him not to worry, that she promised that she would not allow this to tarnish the depth of the love that they had built over the past few months. She promised that she wouldn’t let this destroy her and that this was a crisis that she could deal with. This time the tear fell from Tristin's eyes and this time Rachael brushed the tears away and put them to her lips. Then she kissed him. He was a little afraid of being physical with her although he couldn't help but respond to the warmth of her lips, her tongue and mouth. He let her lead him to where she felt safe and would allow her to decide when she wanted to proceed. Rachael felt his gentleness throughout her body and knew that with her soul mate by her side, she would overcome the madness that had found itself once again in her life.
Breakfast was brought in, the kind nurse that was in earlier, brought one in for Tristin as well. She told Rachael that her children had called this morning to inquire about her. She smiled, but that reminded her of Hannah, so she began to ask Tristin about Hannah and where she was and she just wanted to make sure she was alright. Tristin told her that Faith and Mike were watching her and assured her that she was fine. He told her again about Hannah's reaction to the news that her Dad was in love with the most wonderful woman in the world. Rachael was relieved, however still a little apprehensive about whether or not Hannah would really adapt to sharing her father, whom she'd been alone with all these years. She wished she hadn't come back to Denver. She wished she had stayed in the mountains and that she was getting to know Hannah right this very minute. After breakfast, Rachael wanted to shower and wash her hair. Given the circumstances of her being hospitalized, the nurse was required to be there so Tristin took a walk outside on the hospital grounds while Rachael showered. Her doctor was due to come in and speak to her soon anyhow, so Tristin took his time. He found a nice spot near a small pond with a wonderful view of the mountains where he took his time reflecting on the tragedy that they have to face. He knew in his heart that Rachael had much more strength than she gave herself credit for. He knew if she looked deep within that she could put this past her just as she had so many years ago. And he was hopeful that since this animal was dead that she could actually get some satisfaction knowing that he'd never hurt her or anyone else again. And he also hoped that one day she could be proud of the courage she found to protect herself and Michelle. He knew he was proud of her. It took a lot of guts to make the move that saved both of their lives. He hoped that she would see that one day soon. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Steve's footsteps coming towards him. Tristin rose to his feet and both men extended their hands and exchanged a warm handshake. Then they sat down and talked. It was clear to both men that the other loved Rachael very much. Each in their own way but both because of the wonderful person she was. They wished each other luck and Steve told Tristin that Emma, Eric and Michael were very pleased that Rachael had found the love she was so deserving of. Then together they walked back into the hospital and to Rachael's room. She appeared to be sleeping, so Steve excused himself because he needed to check on some patients and then head to his office.
Tristin slipped back into her room and sat down in the chair, but Rachael was in a light sleep, realized that he was there, and held her hand out to him, motioning for him to lay next to her. He couldn't think of anywhere else that he'd rather be right that minute than to be laying next to the love of his life. He slipped onto the bed, curling up behind her, closed his eyes and they both fell asleep again. It was lunchtime when they woke again. Rachael talked a little about her meeting with her doctor. She said that she'd be able to go home in the morning if she continued to show signs of improvement. Rachael was confident that she would. She knew that Tristin was better than any therapy or medication she could ever hope to receive. They made plans to go back to the mountains by the end of the week and then they called Hannah to tell her the news. Once again, the love for his daughter was so transparent as he spoke with her on the phone that Rachael couldn't help but smile. Whispering, he asked her if she wanted to talk to Hannah, but she shook her head. She wanted the first words they exchanged to be in person, not on the phone. Tristin nodded, he understood why she didn't want to. He talked with his daughter a little longer and listened while she told him about helping Faith around the store. She was enjoying herself and that in itself was a great comfort to Tristin.
When the nurse came in during her afternoon rounds, Tristin asked if it would be alright to take Rachael outside to walk around the grounds and gardens of the hospital. He knew that seeing the mountains would do her a world of good. The nurse had to get approval from the doctor, but didn't think that would be a problem. It wasn't and they went out to the spot that he had found earlier. They sat and talked for a few hours, and watched the sun set behind their mountain, longing to be up their where they both felt at home and at peace. As soon as it became a bit dark though, Rachael got a little jumpy at every sound. Tristin decided they'd better get back inside. They found Michelle and the children waiting for them and they enjoyed the rest of the evening together. Michelle mentioned that Sandy had called. She had heard about what happened from her Mom and she wanted Rachael to know that she was flying to Denver tomorrow to be with Rachael. Once again, the tears flowed from Rachael. And then it seemed so ironic and so sad. She knew that she and Sandy had avoided one another over the last 20 years. They had done so because seeing one another was a constant reminder to each of them of what had happened. A reminder of something horrible that they didn't want to think about. And now, over 20 years later, what would reunite them was the very thing that kept them apart all this time. Yes, there was a certain irony about that. Regardless of why she was coming, Rachael was very happy that she was coming and wanted so very much to see her.
Chapter 18 After Revenge
The next morning, Rachael was released and Tristin and her children took her back to her apartment. The second they turned into the drive, Rachael looked at Tristin and told him that she wanted to go home. He knew that she meant the mountains. He started to tell her that he’d take her right away, but then remembered that her friend was coming to visit her. “What about Sandy?” he asked. “I don’t know, she can come with us. I just know that I can’t stay here.” He said he understood, but that he promised to stay by her side every second if that’s what she wanted and that they’d go home in the morning. Sandy was due to arrive in the afternoon. She agreed, but reminded him that they would go first thing in the morning. Once she got settled into her apartment, she suddenly felt extremely selfish. All she thought about was getting away from there, but what about Michelle? What about the fact that she lives in the house that this animal violated her privacy in and his blood was shed on her bedroom floor. The bedroom that she still hadn’t been able to sleep in after Bob had died. Rachael began to ask about her…where she was, how she was, why she wasn’t there and what she was going to do. Emma volunteered to find out. She ran down the stairs and knocked at the door, but Michelle wasn’t inside the house, so she called her Dad. With everything that had happened in the past 24 hours, he had forgot to mention to the kids that Michelle was staying with them and talking about going back to Texas to her sisters. A bit of relief came over Rachael when she realized that Michelle was being helped through this as well.
After lunch Emma went to the airport to pick Sandy up. She'd never met her Mom's closest childhood friend, but she'd seen pictures of her so she recognized her immediately. And Sandy spotted Emma out of the crowd as though it was Rachael she was seeing twenty years ago. She couldn't believe how much she looked like her mother. Emma filled Sandy in about the details surrounding the attack and the shooting. Sandy shook at the thought of what it must have been like to come face to face with one of those animals that had brutally raped and attempted to murder her and Rachael. Suddenly it seemed like yesterday. So many years had gone by and she had done her best to put it behind her and not allow herself to think about it, but now it felt like it was yesterday. She felt sick to her stomach and was having second thoughts about seeing Rachael. It wasn't that she didn't want to see her, of course she wanted to see her again, but the pain was almost too much to bare. Then she realized how selfish that seemed. After all, it was not she, but her dear friend that had endured this second attack and who had been forced to defend her life by killing another human being. It was clear to her that it was something she not only wanted to do, but also needed to do for both her and Rachael. Then she wondered if Emma knew what happened when she and Rachael were young women. If she did, she didn't mention it, so Sandy didn't either. As they pulled into the driveway, she shuddered again, knowing that the person who had been the one that tried to kill her had been here on this property. Suddenly she felt relieved and had a sense of justice having been served to one who couldn't have deserved it more. The other two guys had savagely raped them, but this was the one that stabbed them and tried to kill them. Yes, suddenly she felt vindicated and was proud of Rachael and was extremely anxious to see her. Tristin heard the car pull into the driveway. He hurried down the outside stairs to greet Sandy and help with her luggage. Before reaching the car, Sandy asked Emma if that was Tristin and she smiled and confirmed that it was indeed the man that had helped transform her mother this past summer. Sandy commented on how cute he was, Emma agreed and the two giggled a little. Before going inside, they talked a few minutes and it was clear to Sandy why Rachael fell in love with this man. He was not only gorgeous, he was sensitive and kind yet had a gentle strength that would make anyone feel at ease.
Tristin quietly went into Rachael's room to wake her. She opened her eyes and smiled. It made her so happy to wake and see his face. Tristin told her that Sandy had arrived and asked if she wanted to get out of bed, or if she wanted to get up and come into the other room. She didn't hesitate, she began to get out of bed to see her longtime, somewhat lost friend,. But with all the medication she had been given in the past couple of days, she was much weaker than she realized and her knees went out from under her, but Tristin was there to catch her. He swept her up in his strong arms and softly laid her back on the bed, kissed her forehead and told her that he'd have Sandy come in here. He opened the door and showed Sandy in. She and Rachael both had tears in their eyes. Tristin excused himself so that they two could have some private time. Neither spoke for a few minutes, but they did give each other a huge hug. The tears were flowing, but they were both so happy to see one another. After embracing and crying for a very long time, they began to talk. They had so much to talk about. It had been so long since they’d seen one another and so much had happened in the past couple of years. After talking non-stop for over an hour, Tristin knocked quietly on the door, opened it and brought some tea in for Rachael and Sandy. Oh that gorgeous smile of his, how it lit up the room. How it lit up Rachael’s whole world and how it warmed Sandy’s heart to witness their love for with her own eyes through only the look on their faces, their eyes and their smiles. No words were necessary to convey the love that was present in the room. She almost felt honored to be with them at that moment.
A couple of hours later, Rachael was feeling strong enough to get up. She wanted to bathe before dinner. Michelle and Emma had left for the evening and Tristin had mentioned that he wanted to call Hannah, so Sandy offered to help her with her bath. Tristin took the phone outside to the porch to call his daughter as the two women headed for the bathroom. Sandy began to run the water, touching it…testing it as if she were going to bathe a child. She spotted the bubble bath on the shelf, opened it and poured the fragrant jasmine bath soaps into the tub. She drew a deep breath through her nostrils and leaned over more to touch the water once again, only this time she was touching the wonderful scent. “The smell of jasmine has always reminded me of you,” she told Rachael. They both smiled and Sandy turned the water off, helped her life long friend out of her robe and steadied her by holding her arm as she climbed into the bathtub. They sat silently for a while, Rachael soaking in the warm water and allowing the jasmine to soothe her mind and body. Sandy sat on the floor, her back resting on the side of the tub, reflecting on her life…her past, the present and the future. She felt a sense of sadness take over her entire being, but long ago, she had decided that self-pity would not be a part of her history and she wasn’t about to start now. She felt great admiration for Rachael, who had endured so much and yet was still willing to give of herself. Yes, pity was not in either of these women’s vocabulary. And it felt so amazing that even after all of these years, these two friends were so comfortable together. In some ways, it felt like there hadn’t been one moment lost between them.
“You have several weeks off, don’t you?” Rachael said softly, breaking the silence. A nod came in the form of an acknowledgement from Sandy, she seemed to be too deep in thought to open her mouth and speak. “Then it’s settled! We’re going up to the mountains,” exclaimed Rachael! “You, Tristin and me. We’re going up to the mountains. I’m going to meet Hannah and you and Tristin will get to know each other and we’ll have a great time! What do you say? Would you like to do that?” Sandy seemed surprised that Rachael wanted her to go, but she was happy that she did. As if relieved of her physical and emotional pain, Rachael eagerly got out of the tub to tell Tristin about her idea. She nearly slipped and fell in her excitement, but Sandy caught her. They laughed and when Rachael got her robe on, she suggested that Sandy take a shower, think it over if she decided she wanted to go the three of us would make plans for their move and trip to the mountains. A place that Sandy could clearly see was a magical place for the closest friend any one had ever had. Even though years of life had not been shared, the bond was as close today as it was before Sandy moved away. They both felt it and they were both ever so grateful for it. How could Sandy resist visiting Rachael’s magical home.
After she showered and dressed, Sandy announced to Ray and Tristin that she decided that she'd love to visit Rachael's mountain but that she would have to join them later. She needed to spend some time with her Mom. But just as Tristin and Rachael were making their plans to return to their home, Tristin received a call from his step-mother Linda in Montana asking that he fly back right away because his father had a heart attack. Before the phone call came, they had a chance to talk about her plans on setting up a practice at the cabin. He was so happy to hear that she was still planning on going through with it. He knew how passionate she was about it. He had been worried that the trauma she had just gone through would keep her from carrying through with her desire to practice the kind of law that she not only wanted to do more than anything, but what she was obviously destined to do. He told her that if she wanted to wait and set things up from Denver that when he returned he would help her move what she needed up there. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be gone though, but he made the offer anyhow. She assured him that she would be fine and even though Tristin did not want to leave her now, he did need to go to Montana right away.
He called the airlines and told Rachael that he’d be leaving after supper that night. Suddenly, as if he had forgotten something, Tristin announced that he would be back in an hour or so. He left before Rachael and Sandy even had time to wonder what he was doing. Rachael decided that maybe she should pack some of Tristin’s things up for him. There wasn’t much time left and she wanted to spend some time with him before he left. Sandy decided not to stay for supper and wouldn’t let her dear friend argue with her. She said she would call her later after Tristin was gone. Sandy had been gone for about 15 minutes when she heard Tristin’s key in the door. He had the biggest grin on his face…the kind that looked like he was hiding something. He had let himself inside, but his arm was still on the outside of the door, with the screen door closed lightly against it. She smiled at him, she was thinking that he probably went out and bought her some flowers. Then he said, “Rachael, I want you to meet someone.” Rachael looked puzzled. Tristin continued, “I want you to meet Max!” And with that he opened the door and she could see that he was holding a leash and then there was Max at the other end of it. Max, a big beautiful Labrador retriever with a long reddish blonde coat of hair, long ears and the sweetest face she’d ever seen.
Tristin had gotten Max for Rachael, to take to the mountains to keep her company and help her feel safe. She dropped to her knees and the love between Rachael and Max was instantaneous. As the two were busy bonding, Tristin explained how he found him. It seemed that Max belonged to an elderly couple. Tristin had met the woman when he was walking on the hospital grounds. She was waiting at the bus stop. She looked upset and Tristin had asked her if he could help her with anything. She sadly shook her head and told him that she just needed a ride home to pick up her dog. Her husband was dying and she was on her way to get Max because her husband wanted to see him for the last time. She explained through her tears that the hospital sometimes makes special exceptions like that. Tristin had insisted on giving her a ride and through her frustration and grief, she didn’t have the strength to say no. Tristin to her to sit right there and he’d be back with the car. He ran the whole way through the parking lot and picked the lady up and took her home. Tristin said he figured she’d come out with some little housedog, and was really surprised when he saw her emerge from the house with Max. Max seemed so happy to be going. They put the dog in the back seat and traveled the short distance to the hospital. On the way back, she and Tristin talked a little and she told him how close her husband and Max had always been. She seemed to be more worried about Max losing his master than herself losing her husband. She sensed Tristin’s wonderment and with a touch on his arm she explained that she had been with her husband for 65 wonderful years, but Max had only been with him for three.
At this point, Tristin found himself fighting back tears at how loving and unselfish her love was for her husband. She also told him that she wasn’t well herself and was going to have to move into a retirement center and even though it broke her heart, she had to give Max up. She could see how kind Tristin was and asked if he knew of anyone that would be a good candidate to take Max in. He said he didn’t but he took her number and told her if he found anyone, he’d have him or her call her right away. Tristin walked the lady to her husband’s room. Max had behaved perfectly in the car, he was mild mannered, not hyper and walked slowly and patiently with the woman as though he knew she couldn’t walk very fast. He seemed satisfied with this up until the elevator door opened and they stepped out and onto the floor of her husband’s room. Suddenly the dog broke loose and as if he knew which room her husband was in, ran right to it and by the time Tristin and his new friend got to the room, Max was up on the bed, lying next to his dying companion, looking so forlorn. The lady didn’t seem nervous at all when the dog broke free of her hold on him. She said that she figured Max would know right where to go. He did. And as sad as the scene was, it was beautiful at the same time and a true testament to love and spirit, both human and canine. He had pretty much forgotten about it with everything else that was going on, but it was as if Max or maybe the lady that he had met, were calling him and that’s why he jumped up and took off like he did. He just knew that he had to get Max. When he got to the lady’s home, she had just returned from her husband’s funeral. Her family and Max by her side, she smiled and nodded at Tristin as he was let into the house. She knew why he was there. She’d been expecting him.
Rachael cried at this amazing story and wrapped her arms around Max. She was speechless. And she was so incredibly grateful to have such a sensitive and caring man who loved her and seemed to know exactly what she needed even before she knew that she needed it herself. Rachael asked for the lady’s phone number so that she could call and let her know how Max was doing. That night after Tristin left, Rachael patted the bed and invited Max to join her. Max seemed to know that this is what was meant to be and jumped up beside her and the two slept peacefully until the dawn broke.
Rachael decided not to wait to go up to the cabin. She needed to be there and she knew that Max would love it there. Being there is what would heal her and she knew she needed to go now. She decided that she would begin to make the plans for her practice and to look for a way that she could have some teens come up for a retreat. She decided she had talked about it long enough and now was the time for action. She went on an extensive shopping trip with Emma and Sandy, gathering office supplies, making sure she had all the necessary hook ups and connectors to get her computer running up there. She made some calls and got the phone numbers of a few contractors that friends recommended for any building that she might need done. She purchased a cell phone and pager. Once she committed to this, she wanted to be sure that her clients had every possible way of reaching her at all times. These were high-risk teens and her intervention in helping them may very well be the last chance for some of them. Then she stopped at the crisis center and finalized her plans with them. They were ecstatic to have Rachael back and already had an idea of several teens that they felt would benefit by having Rachael not only represent them, but to be their guiding light. A light out of their world of darkness or at the very least, a beginning of their journey. Rachael thought that she'd be able to make it back to Denver within a week or so. She just needed to get the basics set up in the extra room. Michelle already had the office here in Denver set up, so once she got a spot set up in the cabin, she could return and meet with her first clients. Chris, the woman who ran the shelter, gave her copies of her first few files so that she could familiarize herself with two of who Chris felt were the greatest need.
After stopping by Steve's home and picking up a few more things that she'd stored from her office and to let her children know what her plans were, she picked Michelle up and they went out for supper. Michelle was so happy to see Rachael so excited. Everyone was, even Steve. Once they returned from dinner and Rachael knew that everything was packed up and ready to go, she began to get worried that she hadn't heard from Tristin yet. She had the phone number to his Dad's ranch, but decided to wait a little longer. She took the phone in the bathroom with her and settled in to a long hot bath. Max laid on the floor with his head resting on his paws keeping her company and looking like he was waiting for the ring too. Just as sleep was about to consume her, the phone rang. Anxiously she grabbed and answered it. Thankfully it was Tristin.
