One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.
Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. "Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, "Bubba, take whatever you want". So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man!
*Gasoline Ally?*
A little boy asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? "Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat.""What's that mean?" asked the child."Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."The little boy goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come ask you.
"Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline,and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, that should take care of that problem. You can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."The little boy left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little boy said, "She ran out of gas about halfway around the block, so another dog is pushing her home.".
DONKEY RACING IN TEXAS
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told that
there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and
enter the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for
horses was so steep that the preacher ended up buying a donkey. He
figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in
the races. The donkey came in third.
The next day, the daily racing form carried this headline:
"PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS"
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
race again. This time the donkey won the race, and the racing form read:
"PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT"
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The racing form
carried this headline:
"BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS"
This was too much for the Bishop, and he ordered the preacher to get rid
of the animal. The preacher decided to give it to a nearby convent. The
headlines the next day read:
"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN"
THE BISHOP FAINTED. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose
of the donkey and she found a farmer who was willing to buy it for
$10.00. The next day's headlines read:
"NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR $10.00"
They buried the Bishop, who had died of a heart attack, and the next day
the headline read:
"TOO MUCH ASS RESPONSIBLE FOR BISHOP'S DEATH"
Ducks
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each
hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few
drinks and chats with the bartender.
The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the
animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks.
They chat for about 30 minutes before the bloke with the ducks has to go to
the rest room. The ducks are left on the Bar.
The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The
bartender decides to try to make some conversation.
"What's your name?" He says to the first duck.
"Huey" said the duck.
"How's your day been?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day."
"Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender.
Then he says to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?"
"Dewey" came the answer.
"So how's your day been?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had
the chance another day I would do the same again."
So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie."
"No", growls the 3rd duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my
f*cking day!"
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word..... he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that 3 year old Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Little Willie
Little Willie had a gambling problem. He'd bet on anything.
One day, Willie's father consulted his teacher.
The teacher said. "Mr.Gaines, I think I know how to teach Willie
a real lesson. We'll trap him into a big wager that he'll lose."
Willie's father agreed to cooperate with the plan.
The next day at school, the teacher watched Willie making wagers
with the other children, and she said, "Willie, I want you
to remain after class." When the others had left the
classroom, Willie walked up to the teacher. Before she could
say a word, he said, " Dont say it, Miss B; I know what you're
going to say, but you're a liar!"
"Willie!" the startled teacher said." What are you talking about?"
"Your a fake!" Willie continued."How can I believe anything
you tell me? You've got this blond hair on top, but I've seen
your bush and it's pitch black!
"
Trying to keep her cool, the teacher said, "Willie that isn't
true."
"I'll bet a dollar it is !" Willie challenged.
The teacher saw her chance to teach Willie his lesson."Make
it five dollars and you have a bet," she said.
"You're on!" Willie whipped out a five dollar bill. Before anyone
could come into the room, Miss B. dropped her panties, spread her
legs, and showed Willie that her pubic hair was as blond as the
hair on top of her head.
Willie hung his head. "You win," he said, handing her the fiver.
Miss. B couldn't wait for him to leave so she could get to a phone to
call his father. She reported what had happened. "Mr. Gaines,"
she said, "I think we've finally taught him his lesson."
"The hell we have," the father muttered. "This morning Willie bet
me ten dollars that he'd see your pussy before the day was over."
Mailman
A mailman in a nice, suburban neighborhood is delivering mail on
December 24. At each of the houses he goes to, the residents give him a
nice gift.
So he goes to one house and knocks on the door. A blonde woman answers
and he gives her the mail. She says, "Come in, I have you present in
here."
He goes in.
She says, "Come up the stairs, I have it on the second
floor."
He goes up the stairs.
She says, "Oh, it's just inside my bedroom, come
in."
He goes in.
As soon he gets in the door, she rips of both of their clothes, and they
have mad, passionate sex.
She says, "Oh- I have another present for you
downstairs in the kitchen, come on."
So, once again, he follows her. She goes into her pocketbook and gives
him a dollar.
He asks, "What's this for?"
She replies, "Well this was all my husband's idea. I asked what we
should get you for Christmas.
He said 'Screw the mailman - give him a
dollar'!"
"9 ?"
I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I
thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone
booths when you're calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the
right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long, graceful legs all the way up to her ass. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.
"Hello" the woman says.
God, she sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room
and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all
alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want
it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it.
Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go
hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate
syrup and whipped cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound"
She says,
That Sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."
The Tool
A nun and a priest were traveling through the North African desert to
establish an outpost of civilized religion among the heathens.
After some five days of travel without passing water they began to
dehydrate. Even the camel they were riding began to falter. Finally the
camel died and they ran out of water and they were faced with death. They
talked about their end in a far off lonely place. They had no way of
getting back to civilization without the camel.
As they began to talk of impending death the priest said, "Sister, I
have never in my life seen the naked body of a woman. Would you let me
see yours'?"
The nun replied "Yes." and thereupon she stripped and the priest
looked at her body with curiosity.
The nun said, "Father, I too have been curious about the human body
and I have never seen the nude body of the opposite sex.
May I see yours'?"
The priest said "If that is your last wish I will gladly accede." He
stripped and the nun looked at his body and stared at his tool.
The priest noticed her starring at it and took it in his hand and
said "This is the part of a man that gives life."
The nun replied "Then why the hell don't you use it on the camel?!"
*The Birthday*
A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to
get my wife for her birthday. She has everything. Besides, she can
afford to buy anything she wants so I'm stumped."
His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate
saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex any way she wants it?
She'll probably be thrilled."
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy says, "Well, did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," replies the fellow.
"Did she like it?"
"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and
ran out the door yelling,
'I'll be back in an hour.'"
The Choking Boy
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replies. ."I work for Revenue Canada"
*LOL*
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know Mr. Sewell, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!
At this, the man sat up and pulled off the mask and asked, "Are my test results back?"
Fashion Sense???
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious
about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say:"So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
;)
*Tomorrow*
One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big grin.
She says, ''Not tonight honey, I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow
and I want to stay clean and fresh.''
The man feeling rejected rolls over and tries to go to sleep.
In a few minutes he rolls back over and asks his wife, ''Do you have a
dentist appointment tomorrow?''
*123*
After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "This is all in your mind." and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." So, finally, the psychiatrist, at his wits ends, refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor says, "I can cure this." He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?" The witch doctor says "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned; it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. Soon he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and just like that, he gets an erection! His wife turns over and says
"What did you say '123' for?"
*Johnny and Susie*
Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married so Johnny goes up to Susie’s father and asks him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it Johnny replies "In Susie’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin
"Okay then, how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance… Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That is about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny doesn’t have an answer for. After a second,
Mr. Smith says "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we’ve just been lucky so far…"
The Tool
A nun and a priest were traveling through the North African desert to
establish an outpost of civilized religion among the heathens.
After some five days of travel without passing water they began to
dehydrate. Even the camel they were riding began to falter. Finally the
camel died and they ran out of water and they were faced with death. They
talked about their end in a far off lonely place. They had no way of
getting back to civilization without the camel.
As they began to talk of impending death the priest said, "Sister, I
have never in my life seen the naked body of a woman. Would you let me
see yours'?"
The nun replied "Yes." and thereupon she stripped and the priest
looked at her body with curiosity.
The nun said, "Father, I too have been curious about the human body
and I have never seen the nude body of the opposite sex.
May I see yours'?"
The priest said "If that is your last wish I will gladly accede." He
stripped and the nun looked at his body and stared at his tool.
The priest noticed her starring at it and took it in his hand and
said "This is the part of a man that gives life."
The nun replied "Then why the hell don't you use it on the camel?!"
The Parish Priest
The parish priest couldn't resist the pretty young girl as she was
reciting her confession: it was all too much for him. He told her to come
with him to his room.
There, he place his arm around her.
"Did the young man do this to you?" he asked.
"Yes, Father, and worse," the girl replied.
"Hmm," said the priest. He kissed her.
"Did he do this?"
"Yes, Father, and worse," the girl said.
"Did he do this?" the priest asked, and he lifted her skirt and
fingered her bush.
"Yes, Father, and worse."
By this time, the priest was thoroughly aroused. He pulled the girl
down onto the rug and inserted his penis, breathing heavily as he
asked,"Did he manage to do this?"
"Yes, Father, and worse," said the girl.
When the priest had finished with the girl, he asked,
"He did this too, and worse?
My dear daughter, what worse could he have done?"
"Well," the shy young girl said, "I think, Father, that he's given me
gonorrhea."
The Blonde and the sore throat
A blonde is suffering froma sore throat so she goes to see
the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks
her to sit down. He gets out his torch and says "Open wide".
"I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with
arms."
Uncle Peter
Now Uncle Pete never asked the Lord for anything, But one day he
heard about this Oregon Lottery... He began to think about it, and think
about it... Then a couple of days later, he asked the Lord:
"You know Lord, I never asked you for anything, I've been going to
church every Sunday, Praising you and thanking you for what I have, And I
sure would like to win that lottery!" Well a couple of years went by and
Uncle Pete still wanted to, and didn't win that Oregon Lottery.
One day while plowing a field he starts thinking about not winning
the lottery, and get frustrated, so he decides to ask the Lord why He
won't help him win the lottery.
He yelled up at the sky,"Lord, I never asked you for ana' thin' but
ta' win that there Oregon Lottery, and You never did help, Well WHY?"
Then the clouds above began to part and in a booming voice he heard
the Lord say: " Pete, I'm gonna need some help on this, You have to buy a
ticket first."
Milk Anyone?
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex
with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the
kitchen for some food to replenish his just-spent energy. He
pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it,
he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks
it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in
and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
Slipped
The priest had to be out of town for a few weeks, so a replacement
was brought in to hear confessions. During the confessions, several women
from the parish told the priest that they had committed adultery. The
priest told them that the word "Adultery" was a little strong, and that
they should used the word "Slipped" instead.
Well, after a few weeks, the regular priest returned, and, not
knowing the substitute priests usage of the word "Slip", was surprised to
hear that the women thought that slipping was a sin...
The priest decided to have a talk with the groundskeeper, telling him
that he needed to take better care of the sidewalks, as several of the
women were slipping frequently. The groundskeeper (knowing what they had
meant), immediately started laughing.
The priest looked at him and said "I don't know what you're laughing
about, your wife slipped th ree times last week!"
Surprise
There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he
wanted to get them bred. So, he borrowed his neighbor's bull
and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch
and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.
"Yeah daddy, yeah daddy" said the little boy.
After a while the boy came into the living where his father was
talking with some friends. "Say, Pop", said the boy. "Yes",
replied his father.
"The bull just fucked the brown cow".
There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said
"Excuse me" and took his son outside. "Son, you mustn't use
language like that in front of company. You should say
'The bull *surprised* the brown cow'. Now go and watch
and tell me when the bull *surprises* the white cow".
The father went back inside the house. After a while the
boy came in and said "Hey, Daddy".
"Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?"
"He sure did, Pop! He fucked the brown cow again!"
The Donation
An 80-year old man read in the paper that someone had saved a life by
signing an organ donor card. The man felt this was a noble thing to
do so he called the organ donor organization to see if he could get
a card. Unfortuneatly, he was told that he was too old to donate his
organs when he died. The lady at the organization did tell him that
if he wanted to give life in another way that he could go to the sperm
bank - they take anyone of any age.
Rather pleased, the man went to
the sperm bank. After filling out the obligatory forms, the
receptionist gave him a jar and pointed to a little room and said
*You can go in there to donate, thank you*.
So the man went in and
closed the door and in a moment the receptionist heard this loud
moaning and groaning. She felt a little embarrassed for the old man
but did nothing. The moaning and groaning continued for 20 minutes
and finally she knocked on the door and asked if the old man was all
right.
The old man came out and said, *I'm really sorry. I tried it with my
left hand, then I tried it with my right hand, then I tried it with
both hands, but I can't get the DAMN LID OFF THE JAR!!!
All My Love
A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart and after
careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his
sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of
white gloves. The sister bought a pair of panties for herself. During
the wrapping, the items got mixed up. The sister got the gloves and the
sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, he sealed the
package and sent it to her with this note.
Dear Darling,
This is a gift to show you I have not forgotten your birthday. I
chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any
when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your younger
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears
the short ones that are very easy to remove. These are a delicate shade,
but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she had been wearing for
three weeks that were not too badly soiled. I had the sales girl try them
on and she really looked smart. I wish I could put them on you for the
first time. No doubt other men's hands will come in contact with them
before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, blow in
them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from
wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might
shrink. I hope you will like them and will wear them for me on Friday
night.
All my love,
P.S. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.
Also, the latest style is to wear them folded down with the fur showing.
The Spinster
There was a spinster schoolteacher who was plain, skinny and with an
impediment in her speech. She longed for a man and used to comfort
herself by reading respectable erotic stories, namely the 'Adventures
of the Great Classical Gods.'
This only made her worse, but one night
a strange thing happened - she dreamed that a big blonde naked man
came to her bed, ripped off her nightgown, and made mad passionate
love to her again and again and again.
In the morning as he was about to depart, she begged him to stay. "I
must return to Valhalla," he said, "I'm Thor."
"Tho am I," she said, " but wathent it marvelouth!"
Payback
There was once a woman who was married to a man who would make extremely load
and disgusting farts every morning as soon as he woke up. Every time he did so,
the woman was disgusted and told him, "One of these days, you're going to fart
your guts out!"
One morning the woman got up early to cook a turkey for a party they were
hosting that night. As she looked down at the turkey's guts and entrails that
she had just removed, she got a Mischievous little idea...
The woman then took the turkey entrails and guts and walked upstairs to her
bedroom, where her husband was still sleeping. She carefully pulled down his
shorts and placed the turkey guts inside them. She smiled and went back
downstairs to finish her work.
A few minutes later, she heard her husband wake up with his usual "Sonic-Boom"
fart, immediately followed by a blood-curdling scream. She laughed as she heard
him run into the bathroom.
A short while later, he came down to the kitchen still panting from the scare.
She tried to hold back a smile as she asked him what was the matter.
This was his reply: "Honey, you were right! You said one of these days i was
gonna fart my guts out. And it happened! But, by the grace of God and a can of
WD-40, i got most of it back in!"
Great Pick-Up lines to use on Blondes
1) That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my
bed.
2) Do you want to see something swell?
3) What do you like for breakfast?
4) Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
5) Say, didnt we go to different schools together?
6) Why dont you come over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk
about the first thing that pops up.
7) Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
8) Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
9) Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch
and sofa?
10) You smell wet. Lets party!
11) If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold
it against me?
12) Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?
I thought you knew!
13) You have the ass of a great artist.
Worst Pick-Up lines to use, even on a Blonde
1) I just threw up!
2) You look just like a hooker I know in Detroit.
3) Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the
package it came in?
4) Hey baby! You look like you could suck the chrome off a
trailer hitch.
5) I've had quite a bit to drink, and your beginning to look
pretty good.
6) Hello Susie! Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon so
she asked me to pick you up. My what a pretty dress!
7) Your face or mine?
8) Nice dress, could I talk you out of it?
9) I want to floss with your pubic hair.
10) I'd look good on you.
11) Excuse me. Have I fucked you yet?
12) Somebody farted! Lets get out of here.
