Penis Proposals
The Penis Tax
The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off, and 10% of the time it is in the hole.
On top of that, it has two dependants and they are both nuts.
Effective March 1st, 2000 your penis will be taxed according the size. The tax brackets are as follows:
10 - 12" $30.00 Luxury Tax
8 - 10" $25.00 Pole Tax
5 - 8" $15.00 Privelege Tax
4 - 5" $10.00 Nuisance Tax
Males exeeding 10 - 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!
The IRS is waiting on answers for the following questions:
Are there penalties for early withdrawls?
What if one's penis is self-employed?
Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes?
Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
Thank you
Salary increase request
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labor
* I work at great depths
* I work head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off, or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Response from Human Resources:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't wait till pension age before retiring
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!