1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
l teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 cup nuts, preferably pecans
1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.  l/2 cup can give you the information/quality check.  It's important to have good quality whiskey for fruitcakes.

Take a large bowl.  Check the whiskey again to be sure.  Should taste at least l/2 cup.

Methsods:

Turn on the electric mixer;  beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still OK.  Cry another 2/1 tup.

Turn off mixer.

Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt.  Or something.  Who cares?

Oops, remember to sheck the whischkey.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.  Spoon.

Of sugar or something.  Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window.

Sheck the hiskey again.

Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitscake anysway?