A Woman's Dictionary

Airhead (aer*hed) n. - What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. - A discussion that occurs when you're right, and he just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. - To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire".

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. - You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, and cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner".

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. - Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. - Gotta get married in a church.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. - You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus...breath...push...Good Girl!"

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. - An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. - A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a pound of M&M chocolate covered peanuts.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. - The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. - To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. - What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. - Someone, who is able to create a style, you will never be able to duplicate again. See also "Magician".

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. - Similar to a black hole in space...if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. - On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.

Park (park) v./n. - Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck". After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. - The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers".

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. - A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. - Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Zillion (zil*yen) n. - The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.