You know! Though this is a very public site, many people do not link to it. At first I was a little down about that, but now I appreciate it. The main reason for me being happy about it is because I can come here and kinda write my heart out without judgement. I mean, I can do that on my other weblog, but this is my real comfort zone. This is like the real journal.
I don't really intellectualize here. Here, I am a very emotional human being. This is where I deal with why I cry or why I laugh. This is where I talk about why I'm frustrated or even depressed.
Today, Shonteezy imed me and asked me why I am pleasntly frustrated. LOL..I only had that away message up for a few seconds. She said that she reads my away messages because she knows that they are personalized. I began to respond to her about something. We spoke on the topic for quite a while. I never told her why I am pleasantly (?) frustrated.
Life is a funny thing.
I think about all the things I said I wouldn't do or couldn't stand when I was young. It's funny how things change as we grow.
I remember reading about women that dated men that were married. They knew that the men had wives and maybe even kids, but they wanted (or felt that they needed) the companionship. I used to look at that as something despicable. Now I understand it. I may not agree with it, but I understand now.
How often can you remember saying "I'll never do that" and then ended up doing it sometime?
I'm guilty of that many times over. Its a hard thing for me to deal with that. It really is. But it seems as if humans are "Selfish" naturally. We do things to benefit ourselves. And it's like, we lose all sense of right and wrong.
I'm not pleasantly frustrated today. I'm just frustrated. I was telling Simone that I need to get out of Albany. That I don't see myself being in Albany and meeting anyone. The guys here and scares and scandalous. The guys everywhere are scarce and scandalous. But I may have to go before...
I was thinking about something. But it hit too close to home.
I'm going back to bed. It's 3:29pm