This is where the fanfiction will now be posted! This is my fic in progress, Rammy's Revenge, and PLEASE anyone who has written fanfiction dealing with anyone from UJL or Parappa, email me at XButterflyBabyO@aol.com!
Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated, and do not own Um Jammer Lammy, Parappa the Rapper, or any company associated with them.
Summary: Rammy is banished from Hell and seeks revenge on Lammy..
Rating: PG-13
Chapter 1: The Last Straw “How dare you show your face near me!” Teriyaki Yoko shouted angrily at a very distraught-looking Rammy.“If there’s one thing I’ve warned you about, it’s showing up late to MY performances! And just what would have happened if that Lammy character hadn’t shown up? I’d be ruined! A disgrace! I would be letting down all those adoring fans who came just to see me, all because you couldn’t get here on time!” Rammy furrowed her eyebrows and downcasted her eyes. So she wasn’t the most punctual person in the world, she knew that. She also knew that her guitar skills by far surpassed that Lammy girl’s, and if Teriyaki did what she hoped she wouldn’t dare to do, then she’d REALLY be ruined.. But, to Rammy’s dismay, Teriyaki continued,
“I’m sick and tired of telling you this time after time. That’s it Rammy, you’re through! You won’t be playing in these parts again, EVER!” Then, she grew, as if by some dark magic, to a much larger size, and with one point of her long green finger, opened up the gates of Hell right under Rammy’s feet. Rammy could no longer hide the fear in her dark eyes, and a rather nauseating feeling overcame her as she dropped, falling... falling... to where? Maybe she’d spend eternity just falling into a bleak nothingness. How could Teriyaki punish her so cruelly? But soon, she found that this thought was incorrect when she landed on solid ground, flat on her face. She shook her feelings of fear off, and dusted off her jeans. Then, rather suddenly, a fit of rage overcame her, and she kicked and stomped at the gravelly ground, and knocked down the large sign that read: You are now leaving Hell, We hope you enjoyed your stay. Once she started to cool down, she noticed two wooden signs pointing in opposite directions. One said: To heaven, the other: To Earth. Rammy shuddered at the thought of even daring to go near heaven, so her only choice became painfully clear.
“Oooh, I hate that Teriyaki Yoko.. Hear that, Teriyaki? I HATE YOU!!” she shouted, not really expecting anyone to hear. But then, another thought came to her head.. “But is Teriyaki really the one to blame?”
“Of course she is!” Rammy shouted aloud.
“But what about that Lammy? If Lammy hadn’t come by and showed off like the little goody-two shoes she was, then just maybe Teriyaki would still be convinced nobody could play like you.. Then maybe she wouldn’t have gone and fired you so fast..”
“That’s right!” Rammy exclaimed, aloud again, “this is all Lammy’s fault! Well, guess who’s gonna pay you a visit?” Rammy sneered, and laughed sinisterly. “And I swear I won’t rest until I’ve gotten my revenge.”
Chapter 2: The Unsuspecting Prey
Lammy, Katy, and Ma-san were all celebrating their awesome performance at the Chunky Burger that afternoon.
“You were really really great out there Lammy! They’ll be talking about that performance for a loong time!” Katy Kat said in between bites.
“Ohh, I wasn’t THAT good..” Lammy replied, blushing slightly.
“Are you kidding!? I don’t think I’ve seen you jam like that since our last little encounter with those Chunky Burger bullies!” Katy protested.
“Well, I guess when I’ve got my guitar, nothing really matters anymore. It’s like, all my fears just suddenly disappear! My guitar is what got me through that whole crazy day.” Then, the three enjoyed their reward lunch, and didn’t speak until they were through.
“Blee, bla blee bla blee blee blee!” (That was great, but I better be going now. I have dates lined up since our concert after all!) Ma-san said finally.
“Yeah, better be heading home. At this rate, if I’m not stopped by too many people seeking autographs, I’ll get there before it gets too dark.” Then, they said their goodbyes and each went their opposite ways. Lammy whistled to herself softly as she leisurely walked home. But suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks. An overwhelming feeling of bitter coldness overcame her and chilled her to the bone. The sky seemed to become strangely dark, and she was held in that spot, as if just turned to stone. A few moments later however, the feeling wore off, and the setting sun peeked out over the horizon once again. Lammy looked around in alarm, and it seemed nobody else had noticed this strange occurrance. Lammy tried to put it out of her head, and walked home at a slightly faster pace.
Chapter 3: Forming the Plan
Rammy decided that before she just came bolting into Earth, she’d better collect her thoughts and come up with some cunning scheme of some sort. What would be the best method to exact her revenge? Well, she thought that making Lammy's life as miserable as hers was at the moment seemed very appropriate. But then what? Should she just let her get off scot-free, heedless of Rammy thereafter? No, that just wasn’t good enough. Rammy meant business, and would go to extremes to “finish the job”. She had to make sure Lammy regretted it for the rest of her life. But what could she do? After all, in actuality, she wasn’t really a whole person, just a piece: Lammy’s evil side. She was the result of all the anger and the small amount of wickedness that resided in Lammy herself. So maybe.. maybe Rammy could reclaim the body that should have been hers. Somehow, she could be a whole person, and as for that Lammy, she could spend the rest of eternity in Hell as Teriyaki Yoko’s personal slave. Just the thought made Rammy laugh grimly. It was settled, she’d go to Earth, take over Lammy’s body for her own, and send Lammy’s spirit down below. Without anymore hesitation, Rammy stepped in the direction of Earth, and suddenly entered a dark portal. All her anger was set on Lammy, and even as Rammy was stepping through the gateway, Lammy could feel the cold presence directed solely for her, though she was totally oblivious to the true danger that would befall her.
Chapter 4: A Dark Omen
Lammy was hurrying desperately, once again. This seemed all too familiar.. As she got nearer to her destination, she could hear the audience chanting, “MilkCan! MilkCan!”
“I-I’m here!” she called as she caught sight of Katy Kat and Ma-san on stage, but nobody heard her, and nobody seemed to be expecting her. In fact, the performance was over, and in Lammy’s usual spot stood someone else.. Rammy. The crowd’s cheers became distorted, and the people in it were replaced by little green people with glowing eyes. They were in an uproar, and Lammy soon found why.. When she looked down, she saw that her body now looked strangely like the body of a monkey, and on her head was a jester’s hat that jingled when she moved. Then, to her astonishment and growing horror, there she saw Teriaki Yoko looming over her, brandishing a whip. Lammy held her arms up, as if in defense, as she watched helplessly as the whip cracked, ready to strike..
Lammy sat bolt upright in her bed, looking around fearfully for any sign of Teriyaki Yoko. She sat there a few moments in silence, trying to convince herself it was only a dream, nothing more. Then, Lammy leaped a foot off her bed as the silence was broken by a loud ring of her telephone. She swallowed nervously and said,
“H-h-hello?”
“Hi, Lammy, it’s Katy!”
“Katy! Ohh, thank goodness.”
“Uhh, is everything okay there? You sound kinda.. I don’t know, freaked out.”
“Oh, yeah, I guess I’m kinda jumpy right now. I-I just had the weirdest dream..”
“Really? What was it about?”
“Umm.. Well.. Uhh, I don’t really remember..” Lammy stammered, not really wanting to repeat the strange details.
“Okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don’t want to” Katy reponded.
“Sorry, don’t worry about me. I’m just fine now.” Lammy said trying to sound convincing.
“So anyway, me and Ma-san were gonna head to the movies later. That new Jet Baby movie is out, and we wanted to know if you could come.”
“Oh yeah, that sounds great. I’ll meet you there!”
“Cool! Be there at 2:00!”
“Kay, buh bye!”
“Bye!”
A movie sounded like just the thing to keep Lammy from thinking about her strange dream. She decided she was being pretty silly getting so worked up from some stupid nightmare. Still, one part of her head nagged her that there was some reality in it.. Something that she should pay attention to... Lammy shook the feeling off and thought that a nice walk might help her clear her head. With that, she stepped out and vainly tried to focus her attention on something else.
Chapter 5: Working out the Finer Details
Rammy looked around in disgust at her new surroundings. It definitely wasn’t anything like home. A couple feet away, she saw a small child staring up her in awe with his big round eyes. Apparently, he’d seen her step through the gateway that separated Hell from Earth.
“Hey, kid! If you know what’s good for you, you’ll forget you saw anything here today? Got it?!!” she said, coming very close to his pudgy face and sneering angrily. The child let out a small yelp and darted off like a dog who had just been hit with a rolled-up newspaper. “Now, to find that Lammy..” she thought aloud. This didn’t prove to be a very difficult task, because hanging on a nearby telephone pole was a poster featuring the MilkCan band. She snatched the paper off, and to her delight, saw that they had a gig coming up at ClubFun. It would be a perfect opportunity.. And in the meanwhile, she could find small but significant ways to torment Lammy until she was sentenced to her eternal punishment. Rammy was so excited she actually started jumping up and down in place slightly, but quickly got over herself and put on her calm, indifferent face again. She crumpled the paper in her hands, and with only a stare, set the paper on fire. But before Rammy could take even a dozen steps, Chief Puddle and his fellow firefighters were at the scene.
“Come on boys! Squirt over here and over there, so the fire don’t spread and go no further!” he shouted. Then, he squinted for a moment, and called out, “Hey, Lammy? Is that you? Get your butt over here and help us put out the fire!” Rammy stopped in her tracks and clenched her fists. She was just about to open her mouth and shout out any obscenities that came to mind, but stopped herself before she did any such thing. Maybe this Chief Puddle could be of some use to her.. She smiled to herself, and said aloud, in her best prissy voice, trying not to wince,
“Coming, Chief Puddle, sir!” Then, she pulled out her guitar and headed straight towards him.
“Lammy? What on Earth are you doing with that guitar? Now are you here to help us out or..” but he never got to finish his sentence. He was rendered speechless and rooted to the spot. His last clear notion was that this most definitely was not Lammy, and then thought and felt no more.
Chapter 6: A Crushing Blow
“Another masterful performance by Jet Baby!” Katy Kat declared as she, Lammy and Ma-san got up from their seats in the crowded theater.
“Blee bla blee blee blee bla blee blee” (Lucky I got a seat in the front row! I usually get stuck behind some tall guy!) Ma-san said.
“Hey Lammy, you’ve been pretty quiet today. Anything bothering you?” Katy queried.
“Oh, no no no,” Lammy protested shaking her head zealously. “Don’t worry about me, I’m just.. kinda tired is all.”
“Well, all right.” said Katy, not altogether convinced. “Don’t forget we need to be in top form when our next performance comes up. After all, ClubFun is a very exclusive club! I mean, only members and special guests are even allowed there, and they’re known for their awesome performances! I remember when Parappa sang there.. I think that was what won Sunny Funny’s heart.. But, anyway, that’s old news. Just be sure to get in plenty of rest, and I’m sure we’ll do just great!”
The three walked along for a while, when suddenly, a firetruck swerved and stopped abruptly beside them. Lammy stared up, squinting against the sun, and said in recognition,
“Chief Puddle? I-Is that you?” He didn’t respond, but instead, turned on his hose, full blast, straight at Lammy. Lammy braced herself as she was hit, full force and slammed violently against a building. Katy and Ma-san gaped in horror, and the firetruck sped off just as quickly as it came. The two rushed over and a few curious onlookers stuck around asking questions that Lammy couldn’t answer.
“Lammy? Lammy, are you okay?” she could just distinguish Katy’s voice saying.
“I.. I think so..”
“All right, everybody outta here, the show’s over!” Katy shouted angrily at the stragglers, and they backed off hesitantly. “Lammy, what happened there? Why would Chief Puddle do something like this?” Katy demanded.
“I... I don’t know, I just don't know. Everything’s been so strange lately.. I really don’t know what’s going on.” Lammy stammered feeling very shaken and utterly confused.
“I KNEW something was wrong. There’s something you’re not telling me Lammy, so out with it already! What kind of strange things have been happening?” Katy asked.
“W-w-well, I guess it all started just last night when I was w-walking home from the Chunky Burger. I thought I was just imagining things, but all of a sudden the sky got all.. dark-like and I had this really weird feeling.. Like I was being frozen from the inside out. But nobody else noticed anything else unusual.. And then there was that dream I had.. I-I.. I don’t think I wanna talk about it.” Lammy said reluctantly. Katy’s arms were crossed, and she stood in thought for awhile.
“I really wish you woulda told me this sooner.. I mean, after all, you should always feel comfortable talking to me about anything that’s on your mind. I mean, that’s what friends do, isn’t it?”
“I know.. But I didn’t want to get you all worried over nothing..”
“Nothing? You call being blasted by a firehose from some deranged fireman nothing?!” Katy protested.
“Now, wait a minute! Chief Puddle was never deranged before! I definitely never would have thought he’d be the type of person to attack someone, unless maybe attacking some cute girl with his lame come-ons.” Lammy thought aloud. “No, that couldn’t have been Chief Puddle. I KNOW he wouldn’t do something like that. It just must have been someone pulling some nasty prank.” Lammy decided.
“Well, Chief Puddle or not, you’d better watch out for anything suspicious, and tell me anything that’s bothering you. After all, we need you to make it to that gig in one piece!” Katy said. Little did any of them know that there was already a piece of Lammy wandering around who would do most anything to make sure Lammy never performed on Earth again.
Chapter 7: More to Come
As Rammy advanced nearer to that unknowing fool, Chief Puddle, she began jamming on her guitar and mesmerizing all those that stood within a few feet. Ringed beams of light emanated from the end of her guitar as she played, and struck the gaping Chief Puddle. All was quiet once more. Perfect.
“Now listen up you! I am Rammy, and from this point on you will do what I say, when I say it, how I say it, and you’ll do it quick if you know what’s good for you.” Chief Puddle didn’t respond, but only stared blankly. “These are your orders: I want you to find that Lammy, turn your hose on full power and give her a nice refreshing little sprinkle.” Rammy sneered. Without a moment’s hesitation, the firefighters piled in, and Rammy also snuck on board, unwilling to miss this opportunity, and they sped off in pursuit. Only moments later, the firetruck veered over to a sidewalk where Lammy and her friends were walking along, and Lammy was thrashed against a wall. Rammy was doubled over in laughter and a great feeling of vistory swelled up inside her.
“Heheh.. If I can use this doofus firefighter to give her a scare. just think what I could do with that Paul Chuck guy! I think I like the sound of Lammy all alone with a chainsaw-wielding woochuck.” she thought and laughed out loud once again in spite of herself. “But, I suppose I really better get working on the BIG event. If Lammy thinks that payback time is up, then she is sorely mistaken.” But, in truth, Rammy herself wasn’t altogether sure just how she was going to go about this task. Sure, she could master the simple kind of tricks like hypnotism, but possessing another person’s body was a huge step up from amateur little pranks like that. Also, her other-worldly spells seemed to be dwindling ever since she was kicked out of the underworld. And Rammy, being as impatient as she was, didn’t want to take the time to work out all the details, but decided at least a general knowledge of the subject would be necessary. Once she was at a safe distance from Lammy, she hopped off the firetruck and began searching though the contents of her pockets. Among these were a few bats, a fake spider, her beeper which still had no messages, and --
“Ah ha! Here it is!” she announced as she pulled out a thick, red-lettered book. The title read: Hellish Hoaxes for Dummies. Rammy leafed through the pages, and muttered aloud, “Let’s see... Voo doo, telekinesis, disembowelment, decapitation.. Here we go, The Art of Possesion! Hmm.. lemme see here.. one of the most advanced, blah blah blah.. Here we go.. In order to successfully inhabit one’s body, the possessee must either be in a state of unconsciousness or delirium.. Hah, this’ll be a cinch!” She skimmed the remaining pages and decided that this would be a piece of cake. “Now, to get to work on my next little prank, and I know just who I want to help me out..”
Chapter 8: The Terror Goes On
That night, Lammy tossed and turned in her bed groggily. The day’s events were ever-present in her head and she could not turn her attention off them. Eventually, she fell into uneasy sleep, but her short-lasting comfort was soon interrupted once more..
Lammy was walking down the familiar sidewalks of her town, when the sky suddenly grew very dark and dismal. She started walking faster, and soon the sidewalks became strange black pathways, twisting and turning in odd directions. The once friendly-looking shops and buildings were suddenly set aflame, and Lammy took off at a run. Then, she heard the distinctive sound of sirens blaring, becoming louder by the second. An instant later, a huge firetruck pulled up in front of her and she stopped short; had she halted a second later and she would have been roadkill. She slowly looked up at a shadowy form atop the truck that she couldn’t make out. Then, an eerie light shone on the figure, and revealed none other than Rammy. She was laughing maniacally, and suddenly Lammy felt her limbs tingle and her stomach drop as if she were falling..
A very startled Lammy awoke, and squinted through bleary eyes at her alarm clock.. Only 4:00 A.M. She sat up, and drew her knees in close to her, and stayed there huddled for a few moments in silence.
“Maybe I’d be better off staying home today.” she concluded. Silly though it may be, she had a disturbing notion that something strange was bound to happen again today, and besides, she knew she could really use the rest. She flopped back down on her bed, drew up the covers and tried desperately to get in a few more hours of sleep.
Lammy plodded around her room a few hours later. Her hair was damp from the shower she had just taken, and she was still dressed in her bathrobe, holding a strong cup of coffee. Normally she couldn’t stand the taste of the stuff, but she could really use some energy. As she was pacing around, nervously sipping at the steaming coffee, the doorbell suddenly rang, and her coffee ended up all down the front of her robe. With a jerk, she opened the door and quickly crossed her arms in an attempt to hide the coffee stain, and found herself face to face with an unfamiliar-looking girl.
“Are you Lammy?” she asked exasperatedly.
“Umm, y-yeah, that’s me.” Lammy responded eyeing the girl curiously. She was the same height as her, had dark hair, rather large glasses, and was wearing what looked like a private school uniform.
“Oh, thank goodness I’ve found you! You’ve got to come with me right away!” she exclaimed and grabbed Lammy by the arm, then took off at a run.
“W-w-wait a minute! I-I really should g-get on some actual clothes..” she managed to say amidst her confusion.
“There’s no time for that! This is important!” the girl insisted.
“B-but who are you?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I drag you out like this and I haven’t even given a proper introduction. My name is.. uhh, Lily! Lily Chuck! I’m Paul Chuck’s niece! And he’s in trouble, he needs you right away!”
“Wh-what?! What kind of trouble? Why me?” Lammy blurted out.
“Because he’s told me so much about you and how great you are with a chainsaw! Now come on, there’s no time to waste!” she responded, avoiding part of Lammy’s question. They ran on until they came to the familiar guitar shop. “Hurry, hurry, he’s in there! Oh please, help my uncle!” the girl pleaded in a syrupy-sweet voice. And so, almost against her will, Lammy turned the knob, and peered in cautiously. Before she could make another move, the girl shoved Lammy into the store and slammed the door behind her. Lammy stood there in pitch-blackness and a feeling of horror creeping over her. She squinted around vainly trying to see through the impenetrable darkness.
“H-h-hello?” she squeaked, not sure whether or not she really wanted a response. She soon got one however, when she heard soft, but menacing laughter across the room. Then, she made out a pair of glowing, slanty eyes in the darkness. “I-Is that y-y-you, Mr. Paul Chuck, sir? I-It’s Lammy..” His laughter rose and became harsh and insane. Then, to Lammy’s horror, she heard the unmistakable sound of a chainsaw revving up. She immediately clutched at the doorknob behind her, but found it was locked. She fell to her knees and cowered in the corner of the room. A burning red light suddenly turned on, and illuminated the deranged Paul Chuck. Lammy could only stare at him helplessly, and she thought to herself,
“There’s no getting out of this. I’m going to be sawed to bits. This is the end...”
Chapter 9: A Word of Advice
Rammy gleefully watched that pathetic Lammy grovel in the corner like the coward she was as Paul Chuck loomed over her, chainsaw in hand. She then tore off her ridiculous disguise, and was back in her t-shirt and jeans instantly.
“I am such a genius! Lily Chuck.. Ha! That Lammy is sooo gullible!” she said to herself. Then, she watched as Lammy began to run around frantically, Paul Chuck at her tail, which caused Rammy to double over in laughter. “Ohh, I wish this didn’t have to end!” she said out loud. Then, another thought came to her head. Maybe she should just carry out the big plan right now. A little more gruesome then her original plan, but it would all work out anyway, right? “No.. I have a plan, and I’m sticking to it.” she decided. “This was just for my own entertainment. Besides, there’s only one more day till the big plan.. I suppose I can wait.” After a few more minutes of watching Lammy uselessly try to escape, Rammy snapped her fingers and Paul Chuck disappeared in a cloud of smoke. There was a small click as the door unlocked itself and all was back to normal once more; no darkness, no strange red lights, just an empty old guitar shop. Lammy stood, petrified, in the middle of the room, wide-eyed and horror-struck. Was it just a dream? She looked down and saw she was still wearing her bathrobe with the huge coffee stain.
“W-w-why is this happening to me?” she asked amidst her bewilderment. After a few more minutes, she bolted out the door and ran back to the comfort of her home. Once she was there, she slammed the door behind her, locked up every door and window in the house, and drew the curtains. She sat herself on the edge of the bed, peering around the room cautiously, as if someone was going to spring out behind the corner at any moment. That image of Paul Chuck was still fresh in her mind and she knew it was going to take a lot to get it out. She walked into the living room, plopped herself on the couch and turned on the TV. But to her chagrin, the reporter on the local news station said,
“Hello and welcome to the Rodneytown News. Today we investigate the question, ‘How much wood can a woodchuck chuck..” Lammy quickly changed the channel.
“You did my wrong Johnny, you no good, lying, cheating, home wrecker! Now, I’m gonna do something I shoulda done a long time ago.” The overdramatic lady then pulled out a chainsaw.
“No! Lydia, we can work it out! Please, Lydia!! Lydia, NO!!!” Lammy turned the TV off. It certainly wasn’t helping to take her mind off Paul Chuck. Her phone rang unexpectedly, but she didn’t dare pick it up. After a few rings, the answering machine went on and said,
“Hi, this is Lammy. I’m not here right now s-so please leave a b-brief message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Okay, buh bye!”
“Lammy? This is Katy, where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you all morning! I just wanted to know if everything’s all right today and to remind you that tomorrow’s our big gig at ClubFun, so be ready! Well, okay, call me later, all right.. bye!”
“The gig!” Lammy exclaimed. “Ohh, I forgot all about it! And I haven’t even gotten a chance to practice!” But then, could they really blame her? After all, she had just been nearly hacked to death by a demented chainsaw-wielding woodchuck, and her guitar wasn’t exactly the first thing on her mind. She really wished she didn’t have to go through with it, at least not right now, but she knew if she refused, she’d be letting down Katy, Ma-san, and all their fans. But, she supposed that sleep would definitely be necessary if she was going to attempt a decent performance. Then, she made herself a sandwich, and practiced her guitar most of the day, and finally went to bed at about 8:00. Just as she expected, her thoughts drifted once more to the raving Paul Chuck. She was sure that he was bound to haunt her dreams that night. She closed her eyes tightly, and it seemed only seconds later when she opened her eyes again only to find she was no longer in her bedroom. She was on an empty stage, her guitar in hand, and saw only one person sitting in the audience..
“Chop Chop Master Onion?!” she exclaimed.
“Yes, Lammy, it is I.” he responded.
“Wh-wh-what are you doing here?” she stammmered.
“Do not fear Lammy. I am here to give you advice.”
“Advice? Oh, do you mean on my performance tomorrow?”
“Well, yes, you could say that..”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Lammy, use your will to the fullest! Tomorrow, everything shall become clear. Do not give in to anyone’s will but your own. Do not fear anything that is said to you, and the plan just may be thwarted. It is your own will that will save you..”
“Save me? Save me from what? I don’t understand, what plan are you talking about? What will become clear?”
“Courage, willpower, it’s all in the mind.. Remember my words well, young one..”
Chapter 10: The Main Event
Rammy was practically skipping in her excitement. The day had finally come, and she’d devised a plan that she was sure could not fail. Now it was all a matter of waiting, and then she’d deal out her ultimate payback.
Lammy awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Finally, she had a night of dreamless sleep, except for the Chop Chop Master Onion dream.
“Hmm.. What did he say again?” Lammy wondered aloud, but decided it probably wasn’t very important anyway. Right now, she knew she had to concentrate only on one thing: her performance. Just before she got ready to leave, she picked up the phone and dialed Katy’s number.
“Hello?” came Katy’s voice.
“Hi Katy, this is Lammy.”
“Hey Lammy, where were you yesterday?”
“Ohh, umm.. I was asleep most of the day.. Oh, and I practiced too.”
“So, you’re feeling better and all ready to play?”
“Absolutely! I feel a lot better now that I’ve got some rest.”
“That’s great! Now, we better get going and start setting up. So, I’ll see ya in a few.”
“Okay, buh bye!”
“Bye!”
Lammy hung up the receiver and without a moment’s hesitation, scooped up her guitar and headed out the door.
“Invitation please?” a surly-looking guard said gruffly, eyeing the girl that stood before him. Rammy stared back irritably, crossed her arms, and said,
“Uhh, excuse me, in case you didn’t know, I’m.. famous teen pop star.. uhh.. from the band Psychadelic Sister. And I hardly think I need an invitation.”
“There ain’t no Psychotic Sister on this list. Rules are rules, and you’re not gettin into ClubFun today sister. Now get lost!” Rammy shot him a very nasty look, not at all appreciating being told to ‘get lost’.
“I didn’t want to have to do this..” she said under her breath. Then, she snapped her fingers, and instantly, Paul Chuck appeared out of thin air. “Get ‘em Paul.” she said. The guard stared in horror as Paul started up his chainsaw and chased him down the street to goodness knows where. Rammy watched until they were out of the distance and coolly stepped through the doors leading to ClubFun. The first thing she saw was Lammy, Katy, and Ma-san getting ready for their performance. She glared at Lammy and decided that once she’d inherited her body, she was going to have to make some major changes. ClubFun was soon filling up with a huge crowd of fans, many of which Rammy shoved at for trying to push past her. This was gonna be a little more tricky than she thought. As soon as Lammy was all alone, she’d have to seize the opportunity and do what she had to do. That opportunity soon came as each member of MilkCan exited to go to their dressing rooms. Rammy pushed through the throng of people and found two more security guards blocking her entrance to backstage.
“Excuse me miss, no admittance allowed.” one said. Rammy rolled her eyes, and snapped her fingers twice, and they both gazed straight ahead, as if in a daze.
“Now, you will let me, and only me pass through.” Rammy said, then snapped her fingers again.
“Right this way.” they said in a monotone, and she quickly pushed past them. She rounded a corner and found the dressing room with Lammy’s name on it. She slowly pushed the door open so it was slightly ajar, and peered in. Lammy was standing in front of the vanity, applying some eyeshadow. This was it, the moment she’d been waiting for. She creeped in, slowly and soundlessly, ready to strike.
Lammy was in her dressing room, putting on the finishing touches to her outfit. She was getting really psyched about it, and all of the events of the past few days seemed nothing more than mere nightmares. She looked in the mirror, touching up her eyeshadow, when suddenly she saw another face in the mirror, right behind her, grinning evilly. She gasped in recognition, and before she could even turn, she blacked out and saw no more.
Rammy stood over the unconscious Lammy victoriously. Then, she roughly lifted her up and threw her into a chair, binding her arms with rope. But then, rather unexpectedly, Lammy’s eyes slowly fluttered open.
“Awake already, huh? BIG mistake.” Rammy said.
“R-R-Rammy??” Lammy asked in bewilderment, her head still aching.
“Y-y-y-yeah, you st-st-stuttering nincompoop!” she mocked, then laughed out loud.
“What are you doing here? Why.. why are you doing this?” Lammy knew this question seemed familiar, and then everything began to piece itself together. The dreams, the strange behavior of Chief Puddle and Paul Chuck, all must have been the doing of Rammy.
“You wanna know why? Ohh, I’ll tell you why..” Rammy began, already feeling her temper get hotter. “First of all, you took my job, you made Teriyaki Yoko fire me, and you got me banished from Hell until.. forever probably! You took my whole career away from me, and now it’s time to repay you for what you’ve done.”
“Wh-WHAT?! Look, I’m really sorry that you got fired and all, but, I mean.. I’ve seen you play and you’ve got real potential! You can find another job somewhere else easily I’ll bet!”
“Oh, don’t try and go buttering me up now Lammy, ‘cause you’re only wasting your breath. I’ve decided what I was gonna do with you ever since that day, and there’s no way in Hell you’ll get me to change my mind!”
“Wh-what are you gonna do?” Lammy mustered up enough courage to ask.
“Well, let’s just say you’re taking a little trip down under for the rest of your miserable afterlife.. and I don’t mean Australia!” Lammy sat in silence, horror-struck, barely noticing the tightly bound ropes cutting into her arms.
“B-But Rammy, how is all that possibly my fault?” she asked, on the verge of tears.
“You know very well how! You showing up to Teriyaki’s performance and showing off like a little priss. If you hadn’t shown up, Teriyaki would still be convinced I am the most awesome guitar player (which I am) that nobody can match!”
“Hey, I didn’t go there on purpose.. I-I never meant to take your job.. I didn’t even know..” Lammy responded.
“Oh sure you didn’t. You knew you were taking someone’s job, you just never knew that someone was me! And as you can see, I’m no helpless little girl afraid to speak up and take action! Now, you’ve wasted enough of my precious time. It’s time for me to reclaim the body that should be mine, and send your wretched spirit down to Hell! Say goodbye, Lammy..” Lammy vainly wriggled in her chair, prepared for the worst, and soon found herself immersed in darkness once again. She soon heard a voice talking sweetly to her, though the tone didn’t sound altogether sincere.
“Come on Lammy, it’s time to go.” The voice had such a power over her that she knew she couldn’t help but succumb to it’s demand. But suddenly, another voice piped up and said: “Courage, willpower, it’s all in the mind!” Lammy thought long and hard and slowly remembered the dream she had just the night before. This is what Chop Chop Master Onion meant.. This was the plan that only her strong will could thwart. It was her only chance to escape from her doom.
“Go on Lammy. You’re gonna go to a better place.” the voice insisted. For a fleeting moment, Lammy believed it, but soon shook the strange spell off, recognizing it to be one of Rammy’s phony voices. But, the impatient Rammy soon changed back to her own threatening tone, and said, “Why the heck aren’t you listening?! When I say go, I mean GO!!” Suddenly, Lammy found she was no longer in the darkness, but instead she was falling.. Falling just like she was in her dream. When she finally reached solid ground, or rather floated to solid ground, she felt somehow that something was amiss. She looked away as soon as she heard a pound signaling that Rammy had landed.
“Now we’re just gonna have to do this the hard way.” Rammy sneered. She raised her arms over her head, and they were both instantly surrounded in a ring of fire. Lammy was so shocked she fell over backwards, narrowly missing the flames behind her. Then, Rammy charged at Lammy, a venomous look in her eyes, and Lammy sprung aside just in time, and Rammy skidded to a halt. Rammy then snapped her fingers, and Lammy felt herself go in a dream-like state, now oblivious to her dangerous surroundings.
“I COMMAND you to go into the fire.” Rammy stated firmly. Then, to Lammy’s amazement, she found that her feet were moving involuntarily, straight towards the fire.
“Wait a minute.. Why am I doing this? I can’t just let her have her way that easy.” Lammy thought to herself. Still, she was moving closer and closer to the fire. “This is ridiculous! I’m not gonna do it! I can’t! I won’t! Courage, willpower, IT’S ALL IN THE MIND!!” Then, Lammy snapped back into reality and Rammy’s jaw dropped a foot.
“What?! You STILL won’t obey? That’s it, I’ll get rid of you with my own bare hands!” she cried out, charging toward Lammy again. She latched onto her shoulders and dug her fingernails into them fiercely. Lammy pulled away quickly and recoiled. “Give it up if you know what’s good for you! Technically, I’m only a spirit myself, so there’s no way you can beat me.” Lammy stood rooted to the spot, paralyzed with fear. Even if Rammy was bluffing, she knew she couldn’t just push someone into a blazing fire, no matter who it was. But suddnely, several things happened all at once. The fire was suddenly extinguished, as quickly as it had appeared. Rammy took a few steps back, and tried to hide the fear in her eyes. Lammy spun around and found that standing behind her was a very ticked off Teriyaki Yoko. She was glaring at Rammy, hands on her hips.
“Who do you think you are!? Defying MY orders? Oooh, I don’t know how you got in here, but I promise I’ll make you verrry sorry. I ought to feed you to my next audience!!” she shrieked.
“But I didn’t mean to! I didn’t even know I was here.” Rammy protested.
“WAIT!!” Lammy shouted suddenly, and Teriyaki Yoko turned her cold gaze towards her. “P-Please, don’t feed Rammy to the Hell people. I think that she deserves a second chance.”
“Well.. The band hasn’t exactly been the same without my guitarist..” Teriyaki Yoko began. Rammy stared open-mouthed, first at Lammy, then at Teriyaki. “Ohh, this is SO unlike me, but.. I suppose I’ll give her one more shot..”
“ALL RIGHT!!” Rammy shouted, jumping in the air.
“BUT... You will serve your punishment for disobeying my commands in the first place.” Rammy’s face fell a little, but on the whole, she got off pretty lucky. “And as for you..” Teriyaki continued, facing towards Lammy. “Go on and get back to where you came from.” Then, a fax machine appeared and Lammy headed over it gratefully. Rammy ran over towards her quickly and mumbled,
“Well, I guess we’re even now.. Th.. Tha.. (Sigh) Thanks.” Lammy gave her a small smile, and without another delay, hopped into the fax machine.
Epilogue
Lammy found herself back in her dressing room at ClubFun. Several people were hovering over her, two of which were Katy Kat and Ma-san.
“Lammy! Thank goodness you’re all right!” Katy said, relieved.
“Blee bloo blee blee bla bloo blee!” (We were getting really worried!) Ma-san added.
“Hey guys.. I’m okay now. Actually, everything worked out pretty okay for everyone!” Lammy said.
“Huh? What are you talking about?” Katy asked.
“Well, it’s a long story.. See, it turned out Rammy was behind all the weird stuff that was happening and she was here in my dressing room, and she was trying to like, take over my body or something. Anyway, we ended up in Hell I guess and she tried to push me into this fire, but then Teriyaki came and she decided that she’d re-hire Rammy and then I got to come back here!” Lammy stated matter-of-factly. The crowd there stared at Lammy as if she had three eyes.
“Uhh, yeah, that was SOME dream you must’ve been having.” Katy said uncertainly.
“Ohh, this was no dream. But anyway, I don’t have to worry anymore about any nightmares or any old teachers trying to attack me or anything like that anymore!”
“Uhh.. umm.. But we really couldn’t go on with the show now. Not after you’ve passed out for the last half hour or so..”
“Ohh no! Don’t cancel the show! Really, I’m just fine! In fact, I don’t think I’ve felt quite this good in days!” Lammy assured her.
“I don’t know Lammy.. You sure you’re not delirious or anything?” Katy queried.
“No, I am NOT delirious! Now come on, our fans are waiting!” And so, the show did go on, and of course, MilkCan was a big success.
As for Rammy, she was very pleased with having her job back. However, when Teriyaki Yoko decided her punishment, Rammy was none too happy. She had been sentenced to five days in heaven, the longest five days of her afterlife. After that, she continued working with Teriyaki Yoko and became rather famous in the underworld and no longer had any need to disturb Lammy ever again..
THE END
