Now Playing: From WB June 06 Maui & B Charnes
Drop the Rock (even if you think you have already) Forgiveness & Healing Workshop The best use of this workshop is for dealing with forgveness-- of self and others, but it also can help in healing many kinds of hurt & mis-connection. We will share & guide participants in a mini- experience of a five step process based on steps 3- 7 from the twelve step programs, and includes taking stock of one's personal, emotional or spiritual "inventory", writing, one to one sharing, and personal prayer to release recurrent patterns, emotional hurts, pains or resentments, "stuckness', etc,., It begins with: Third Step Prayer The cost of Self will & Anger The Mini Step 4, or personal "inventory", retells specific interaction(s) or events that ended in a bad feeling or reaction. Using a format*(below) helps to sort out & release the feelings, pinpoint the reasons that may be involved, and allows a broader view of one's own possible options or reactions in the events. Red flags: jealousy, remembering or recounting old hurts, anger, gossip Can you pray for this person & mean it? not just once in a while, but all the time-- if not, you're still carrying a charge. You CAN be rid of it! If you've thought of a hurt or a person in a negative contect in the past year, they probably belong on your list... No-Anger? Could be a sgn of a real problem-- even Abdu'l Baha got angry at injustice. Anger has been called the backbone of healing in abuse cases. Unsure what/who to include?: a mini-meditation-- feeling it in the body The Self-Inventory process involves: 1. List possible areas of exploration: to include persons you have had or have a mis- or dis- connection with, ie.: Good to have on the list are: parents, & family of origin, anyone or anything you may have hurt or has hurt, offended, or treated you unjustly in the past, employers, co- workers, teachers, in-laws ?; "ex"-es, the courts, the IRS, politicians, countries, institutions, God, Acts of god, life, yourself, your physical body, etc. 2. Writing, using the following format*: • Who, What, discomforted you (from your list) • What happened (the story) • What is or was affected • Your reactions or response & * What you could have done differently Step 5 "Is not Confession"-- letter from UHJ-- Alan Why tell another person? Spiritual precident, consultation, & more.. How to find the right person to tell Steps 4 & 5-- How & Why they work: We need to be "HEARD"; writing is exp. on a tactile & sensory level in addition to other ways: we "hear" the mesage on many levels, it reaches more parts of our brain, spirit, & emotional life. How to listen to the "Mini- 5th" step Listen quietly , Non- judgementally A kindly, open heart You are not here to fix, but to listen Find positives in the person-- strengths, etc. You may share your own experience, using "I" messages only Steps 6 &7 : Handout from BB: participants can do these on their own later Importance of ongoing prayer-- Pray till you mean it -- & check back to be sure you keep meaning it ! Seventh Step Prayer *( format adapted from BB P 65) __________________________________ More Techniques for lessening or loosening anger that we have toward someone: 1) Focus on and feel the anger and judgment you have for this person. Notice that you are angry or judgmental of his outer behavior, his false ego shell. Inside, he is fearful and alone, and his behavior is just a compensation for this inner insecuritya€"he is just asserting himself in a world of scary, competing egos. He is just trying to fit in and be loved. Bad behavior is a result of feeling alone and unloveda€"so he lashes out at others. But inside, we are all weak, needy people, wanting love and acceptance. Try to love what is inside the person. 2) Feel the anger and judgment you have for this person. Dona€™t focus on your thoughts and judgments about him, such as what he does or did wrong, how he is not behaving correctly, how he hurt you, how you are right and he is wrong. But focus on the feeling of anger in your body. Feel it as energy inside you. Breathe into it--breathe through ita€"take a deep breath in order to tolerate the intensity of the feeling. Dona€™t harden yourself or repress the sensation. Know that it is covering up a hurt, a need inside you. Underneath is a softness, a vulnerability, a hurt. Can you sense the hurt inside? Let yourself feel the neediness underneath, and perhaps even cry. It is you who is hurting, who needs love. We project onto others and hold them responsible for our inner hurts, and it comes out in the form of anger, judgment, and resentment. By holding others responsible for our suffering, we forfeit our power to heal ourselves. 3) Realize that you are angry and judgmental because your ego wants him to be different because of your unfulfilled needs. Inside, you are weak and needy, and you want a behavior from him which satisfies you in some way. Can you notice his behavior with detachment? He is still in the hands of God at all moments. Hand him over to God. It is not your job to be angry with him. Know that God will help us as we put our trust in Him. God created him, and He will help soothe your hurts and needs, and loosen your anger towards this person. Thanks to Bob Charnes For the 3 Techniques above!