Sports

RPNN Sports Shorts 6 (Olympics Edition)
By, Paul Mann (Editor and Weirdo)

Man unsuccessful in attempt to floss with Javelin.

Perhaps one of the most exciting moments in the sports world is upon us again with the Olympics. Held in Athens this year, both the fans and athletes are sure to be on the edge of their toes as usual. Of course, with all the excitement a few of the “not-so-bright” take their good feelings to an unnecessary level. This morning a grim discovery was made in a North Korean household. Apparently a certain Kim Unluk Hi met his demise while trying to free a particle of food from his lower molars. Mr. Hi a fan of the javelin event wanted to impress his girlfriend by showing her he could floss his teeth using a pole similar to those used by the athletes. It is thought that Kim was practicing his trick by freeing a piece of chicken, but instead of removing the item from the toothy crevice he lost his head. Immediate family members were either grieving over the loss or wondering what the heck Kim was thinking and were unable to comment. The North Korean Olympic athletes later held a kabob cook-off in his honor.

Crumpeting banned from track and Field Events.

Fans have many practices to show love or hate for a team which can involve items ending up on the field. In Colorado it can be a marshmallow or perhaps a tortilla in the southwest. Nations around the world have their own habits as well and for Great Britain there is no exception. The British have tired of the traditional tea time taking an essential part of it to track and field events. A jolly good time as commonly referred, “Crumpeting” has become the English way of showing hatred or affection for the chap on the run. Fans would routinely used the classic snack for tossing on the field with a “Jolly-ho!” or perhaps a “pip pip” yell. This occurrence has taken a back seat at the Olympics this year due to an unfortunate event that took place during the qualifying meets. Apparently during a tryout for the 100 meter dash a crumpet was thrown too far and lead to the tripping of Frenchman Jean Onoe. Mr. Onoe was clearly in the lead when the crumpet landed under his right foot causing him to fall and ruin his chances for competing. This lead to the banning of “Crumpeting” from any Olympic event thus stopping the track and field tradition. The head English track coach said he was content to just nibbling on his crumpet knowing the French would probably surrender from a simple prolonged stare.