Sports

RPNN Sports Shorts 3
By, Paul Mann (Editor and Weirdo)

Sportswear company under investigation for prank kickballs.

Limping with signs in hand, a few hundred angry kickball players in Gary Indiana protested outside of Happy-Go-Lucky Sports Monday afternoon. The protestors believe they have been victims of a serious crime or childish prank that broke approximately 1,500 toes. Those injured claim that they were buying a simple kickball to kick around as it were and found themselves with heavier than normal playing tools. Investigators later found that the kickballs in question were actually undrilled bowling balls painted to assume the status of a kickball. David Daniels, the CEO of Happy-Go-Lucky-Sports admits this is an unusual incident. He has questioned several of the damaged players as to why so many of them ignored the weight difference and instead of notifying the company continued to test-kick the kickballs.

Lance Armstrong cult announces plans to go mono-testicle.

A very unusual announcement came from the small town of Earth, Texas Tuesday, which has many bicycle enthusiasts scratching their heads. A local cult by the name of Lance Armstrong In Devotion None Ever Virtuous Even Ralph, which claims to worship the five times Tour De France Champion, released a statement that they planned each to remove one of their testicles so that they may obtain his divine level. The general belief among the followers of LAIDNEVER is that only a man with one sac instead of two could win so many races. Of course the strange announcement has seen its fair share of Jay Leno and David Letterman Jokes so it really is not being taken seriously at all. A local doctor in the community where the cult hold their meetings, unsuccessfully tried to tell the believers that Lance Armstrong had the surgery to save his life and only through his endurance and preservation was he able to accomplish all that he had. Many in the surrounding communities shrugged the whole ordeal off knowing they would still enjoy themselves intact.