Sports

RPNN SPORT SHORTS-2
By, Paul Mann (Editor and Weirdo)

World’s largest man bowls a strike.

After spending 30 years perfecting the technique, the world’s largest man has managed to bowl a strike. Chase feebler in all is massive glory of Long Island, New York who weighs a whopping 957 pounds, astounded Brunswick bowlers when he managed to knock down all 10 pins in his lane. James Goobenheimer, a regular bowler himself said “It’s amazing what that man did. Before it was a feat to just get the ball on his fingers, off again and down the lane before teetering off into the gutter.” Mr. Feebler was unavailable for response when it was learned that he suffocated on his own chin fat shortly after the triumph.

Soccer mom tired of routine becomes Rugby mom.

When soccer moms get bored and decide they need more action in their kid’s lives, they sacrifice it all in dangerous attempts for feeble glory. At least that is the situation a certain Sandra Needle recently found herself and 8 year old boy Ned this past week. Mrs. Needle has been an avid soccer mom for her two older children and somehow found it boring and week and in front of a whimpering Jack she decided to risk it all in the more aggressive contact sport, rugby. Sandra in a voice of power hungry carelessness said “I don’t see why so many people like soccer anyway. All you do is run back and fourth on a level field kicking a little sissy ball around.” Of course her son Jack who has already suffered four cracked ribs, a twisted ankle and a massive owie cannot find truth in her logic.