Entertainment

Past articles from 6/1/03

(Cue exciting music with flashing lights. Incredible Hulk comes smashing through the roof scattering debris and crushing his chair.)
Hulk: Hulk smash!! Grrrrrrrr….Smash!! (Flex muscles)
Paul: (cough) Ahem, yes… can someone get Mr. Hulk another chair? (Chair is brought out)
Hulk: Oooooooo…. More smash!!! (Breaks the new chair)
Paul: Yes, you already did that. Care to sit down?
Hulk: Hulk want crush! Smash!
Paul: I would like to ask you a few questions. It will only take a minuet.
H: Hulk break chair?
P: (sigh) All right, you want a cookie?
H: Hulk sit. (A chair is brought out and hulk sits down and eats his cookie.)
P: Okie dokie, now that you have sat down how about we start the interview.
H: (burp) Hulk ok with that.
P: Well first I would like to know what really motivated you to become a hero of sorts.
H: Hulk like smash!!
P: I thought we we're past that. Look, is there something besides the gamma radiation incident that helped you make your decision to become a good guy?
H: Hulk no like bad.
P: Yeah, I assumed that much. Ok, was there a role model for you growing up?
H: Hulk think mom helped.
P: Really? What role did she play?
H: Apple pie, mmmmmm…. Hulk like apple pie.
P: Anything else?
H: Hmmmmm…. Mommy kiss booboos.
P: Apple pies and kisses. Gee that couldn't sound cornier.
H: You make fun of hulk's mom?!! Hulk smash!!! Smash you! (Throws chair into wall.)
P: Ummmmmm…(gulp) no, hulk, I uh, didn't mean it like that…. Anything I can uh do to make it better?
H: Hulk have cookie?
P: But, uh I just gave you one.
H: Hulk smash!! Smash! Grrrrrrrr!!!
P: Ok…. Ok, down boy. (Throws him a cookie and a new chair is brought in.)
H: Oooooooo. (sits down)
P: All right, now a question I have wondered myself, who do you believe was your biggest or worst enemy?
H: Hmmmmm…. Hulk have to say mailman.
P: Your mailman? How can that be, what about the Abomination, the Leader or the Champion?
H: Nah, those guys old news. Hulk hate mailman.
P: Any reason why?
H: Mailman no deliver hulk's mail. Want to know how Thor is doing. Make hulk mad. Want smash!
P: I don't know why I asked. Fine, we have time for one last topic. As advertised a new hulk movie is coming out. This must mean a big break for you.
H: Hulk guess…..
P You guess? This is an awesome opportunity. After several years since the TV show and last hulk movies you must be somewhat excited.
H: Well… I… uh ….uh oh. (changes into Bruce Banner.)
P: Wo, Bruce Banner… the man behind the beast… this is great! I'm getting to meet both personalities.
Bruce: You gotta help me man!! I can't take it anymore….I'm a broken human being, they're forcing this upon me. (sob) Day and night, night and day. The endorsements, the products, and the Dennis Miller interviews…I (sob, cry) can't take it anymore!! (falls upon Paul crying)
P: Uh….Um…..I….Uh….geeze . (pats Bruce on the back.) there, there.
B: You can help me can't you? Stop the madmen from exploiting me, right?
P: Well I can make some phone calls.
B: Thank you! Thank you so much. They're probably out there right now mocking me. "oh look at the big, dumb, green thing raking in the chaching!!"
P: Ahem, I believe that concludes our interview. I'd better be leaving now.
B: You're not staying here? Don't leave….Please.
P: I'm sorry, I have to get going.
B: That's….not…..a good……I….dea…!!!(changes into the hulk)
Hulk: Hulk smash!! Smash!!! SMASH!!!!!
Paul: Uh…..oh crap.

After barely escaping the interview with my life, I found out that in fact the big, green guy hurt more than most knew. Another star uncovered, I only wonder how long this will be able to go on. From the emergency room this is Paul Mann signing off and getting the heck out of here.

The biggest difference between the first X-Men movie and the second
X-Men movie is that director Bryan Singer actually sat down and read some
comic books. This in my opinion, having a general knowledge and background
in the subject matter, is necessary before doing any sort of movie. The
characters in the second X-Men defiantly have more depth than before but, as
any 32-year old comic book virgin still living with his parents can tell
you, they still didn't get it exactly right. In the first movie, we are
introduced to several of the more prominent characters and what they can do.
But almost none of the world in which they live is made known. The second
movie tries to dig a little deeper into the characters and attempts to
explore the world in which they live, but in my opinion is a bit rushed.

Given that there is now about 40 years worth of history in over 7000 comic
books, it would seem that any attempt to make a two hour movie about the
X-Men is doomed to utter and complete failure before it begins. By limiting
the number of characters present and combining a lot of details and working
under the assumption that the viewer is at least somewhat familiar with a
piece of the history, a story line becomes possible. Still a lot of the
nuances of the key players are left out, incomplete, or otherwise left to
interpretation.

Take Wolverine, aka Logan (which really isn't his name either but that's
another story). A complete animal with some heart. The movie places emphasis
on the heart, and while this is good for family movie going appeal, it does
does the character injustice. At one point in the movie Mystic attempts to
seduce Logan by taking the form of Jean Grey. He does not realize who she is
until he sees the scars on her belly. The real Wolverine would have known
who she was by smell, and probably slept with her anyway. At another point
in the movie he is surrounded by police and told to drop the knives. He
tells them he can't and tries to show an officer who promptly shoots. In the
comics, Wolverine always keeps his claws sheathed until he is ready to
slice, dice, and Julianne. The one scene possibly correct is when Wolverine
goes on a rampage killing the army intruders. (yep) He would not have through
twice.

Another thing they got right here was the blurring of sides. Magneto will
help others when it suits his purposes. Jean Grey has a definite crush on
Logan and it shows. Professor Xavier is not as powerful as we are led to
believe. Although in truth, I think he could have stopped being controlled
by Strikers son but that's just my take on it. There is a lot more thought on
what the key players can do and a lot more what everyone wants in an X-Man
movie: Action. Explosions. And funky mutant effects. Magnetos' escape alone
was worth the $3.75 I paid to see it. In the end, the glimmer under the lake
and the hinted promise of an X-Men 3 with the Dark Phoenix saga defiantly
leaves you wanting more.

All in all, I give this movie three paws up out of five.