Sayings
To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn
the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to
appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to
know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have
succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Alice came to a fork in the
road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?', responded the Cheshire cat.
'I don't know.' Alice answered.
'Then,' said the cat, 'it doesn't matter.'
"Pathetic," he said. "That's
what it is. Pathetic."
(crosses stream)
"As I thought," he said, "no better from this side."
Eeyore (A. A. Milne)
If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As
Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other
end.
Bert Whitney
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors,
and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same
people.
G.K. Chesterton
It would appear that we have reached the
limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one
should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5
years.
John Von Neumann
(ca. 1949)
I love being married. It's so great to find
that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
Astronomers say the universe is finite,
which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they
leave things.
Unknown
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw
those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Mark Twain
This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings
to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently
of no value to us.
Western Union
internal memo, 1876.
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who
has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
Don Quinn
In the beginning was the word. But by the
time the second word was added to it, there was trouble. For with it came
syntax...
John Simon
It's all very well in practice, but it will
never work in theory.
French management
saying
Someday we'll look back on this moment and
plow into a parked car.
Evan Davis
The creator of the universe works in
mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
Scott Adams
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to
them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their
language.
Mark Twain (1835 -
1910)
I have decided that suicide is completely
out of the question. I refuse to end the suffering of others... No, I must
contemplate homicide and end the suffering of one... ME!!!
Anonymous
What if this weren't a hypothetical
question?
Unknown
People are more violently opposed to fur
than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Unknown
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound
they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
Never get married while you're going to
college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already
made one mistake.
Kin Hubbard (1868 -
1930)
A coupla months in the laboratory can save a
coupla hours in the library.
Westheimer's
Discovery
A hen is only an egg's way of making another
egg.
Samuel Butler (1835
- 1902), said in 1885
When they call the roll in the Senate, the
Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
Theodore Roosevelt
NARROW (That is a six letter adjective meaning not very freaking wide)
P-Mud rdesc
Give
me a kiss, add to that kiss a score; Then to that twenty, add a hundred more: A
thousand to that hundred: so kiss on, To make that thousand up a million. Treble
that million, and when that is done, Let's kiss afresh, as when we first begun.
"God
is one of the leading causes of death in the world to date. Look back into
history. Most of the bloodiest wars
all because god told them it was a good idea" Now if that’s bad check
this out "The top leader of bullshit stories has to be religion, for years
it has gotten people to believe in the invisible man, up there in the sky, and
he can see everything you do, every minute of everyday, And he has 10 things he
does not want you to do, and if you do he has a place full of fire and hate, and
burning where he'll send you to spend the rest of eternity in. But he loves
you... He loves you and he Needs money! He's all powerful, all knowing, but he
just can't seem to handle money!"
In case you
didn't know...
"TRUISMS"
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the
Titanic.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed
regularly and for the same reason.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that
this is true.
There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin
Franklin said it first.
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
I don't get even, I get odder.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
I am a nutritional overachiever.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
I am having an out of money experience.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
A day without sunshine is like night.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually
you find a hair stylist you like.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you
once got from a roller coaster.
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain
five pounds.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you
the questions.
The real art of conversation is not
only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the
wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped
laughing.
"Do as little harm to others as you can, make any sacrifice for your
true friends, be responsible for yourself and ask nothing of others, and grab
all the fun you can. Don't give much thought to yesterday, don't worry about
tomorrow, live in the moment, and trust that your existence has meaning even
when the world seems to be all blind chance and chaos.
" ---Koontz
Love
begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
The
brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't
go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
To the world you may be one
person. -- But to one person you may be the world.
To
see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild
flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of
your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
William Blake
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