SPORTS, archived and deflated.
Jocks to assert
themselves at Future Pokemon World Championships
By Cozmic
The Pokémon World Championship. A global event with 400 players
from 26 different countries, all of whom want to be the very best, the best
there ever was. A place for geeks of all ages, both creepy and not so creepy,
to get together and play Pokémon, and maybe trash talk a bit.
With that said, whenever there is a large gathering of nerds, there will
be jocks who feel the need to howl a Homer Simpson-esque “NEEEEEEEERDS!!!!”
and beat the less athletically astute up in order to make themselves feel
all smug and superior. Because after all, is needlessly ruining someone
else's innocent fun with a swirly and a wedgie not the goal which everyone
should aspire to? Or at least everyone who does not plan to move on with
life after high school?
Yes, the giant crowd of dumb and somehow superior jocks are coming to ruin
all future Pokémon World Championships for no other particular reason
than the fact that someone has to play the stupid stereotypical bad guy
and, frankly, when you take pride in being stupid and stereotypical, it
needs to be you. However, 400 geeks is quite a lot of people, so the need
for quite a lot of jocks is quite big. Among those people, of course, are
the junior division players, among them American Junior Champion Wade Stanley,
age 11. So perhaps not as many jocks as one might expect are needed for
this thing, although it still requires meticulous planning. It is a good
thing all that high school football is totally paying off in regards to
teamwork and planning then, although the school rivalry thing definitely
gets in the way. However, the jocks, after a drunk-on-like-a-can-of-Budweiser-each
brawl, decided it was far more important to reassert their status as strong
and powerful and joined together in a common cause. Never say these things
are not somewhat thought through or easy to put together.
Of course, a big problem occurs in the fact that the Pokémon fans
have been forewarned, and despite the language barrier, they seem determined
to try and put up a fight. Just how they will put up a fight is rather hard
to grasp or predict, because, well, they might be violent video gamers,
but they are also people who are totally obsessed with Pokémon. Adding
to this conundrum is the fact that most of the security staff around the
event are ex-jocks who never did amount to anything after high school and
as such are pretty complacent to let the current jocks do whatever they
want, knowing full well what the future for them will be like.
So the entire thing is sort of up in the air for the moment. The smart money,
ironically enough considering the typical intelligence of your average bullying
high school football player, is on the jocks, but perhaps gathering 400
nerds with a common interest and putting them in harm's way might mean they
finally put up a decent fight. Either way, the big event at the Pokémon
World Championship will not be the finale to see who is the best Pokémon
trainer, but rather how many swirlies and wedgies and broken Dss a bunch
of morons can accomplish.
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