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Maybe it is just another form of self inflicted pain, but the Society section will be for those rare instances when there is more than two entertainment stories or just feel like throwing in story that just defies all other sections.


Xphile’s Tapes 29: The Lindsay Lohan Interview
By Grey Xphile

There are those who would say that interviewing the likes of Lindsay Lohan is the task for a more vanilla flavoured journalist, someone more run of the mill, ordinary, out to make a buck, and then there are those who say that she is the epicentre of a one woman express elevator to disaster and should only be approached by the sorts of people who consider French kissing lions while running the bulls at Pamplona to be dull.
Either way not the sort of thing I usually do.
And yet this is what I deliver, because in the process of sneaking through some air vents in a prison, hoping to uncover the legendary fate of Jimmy Hoffa, I came across Lindsay Lohan’s cell.
I wanted to keep going by the air vents in that place narrowed suddenly and I . . . well . . . got stuck.
Before you hit me with any fatty jokes I’ll have you know that I’m stocky and muscular, and no amount of buttering would have slid me along that metal chute.
Lohan was desperate for, something, company maybe, so I took the opportunity to interview her.
Grey Xphile: So, uh, Lindsay, if I may call you that. How are you finding prison life?
Lindsay Lohan: Precious!
GX: Uh, no, not me.
LL: Not my Precious? No ring for my finger?
GX: From me? No.
LL: Soon, soon my Precious, and I have a ring.
GX: Already making plans for after your release then?
LL: Yes, one day, all my peoples free, I had a dream where I was free with my peoples.
GX: Fascinating. Tell me, considering that you are an avowed macrobiotic, organic seventh degree vegetarian how are you handling being in a prison that only caters to fifth degree lacto-vegetarians that sources it’s food from farms owned by people who have seen a well done steak?
LL: First we eat the pig, and then we go to Hell!
GX: Really? Oh, look, I seem to be free and on my way, goodbye!
LL: So long Johnny.
What follows is fifteen minutes of me gnawing my pants off in the literal sense to get enough play to wriggle my way out of there.
So there you have it, Lindsay Lohan, far from losing her marbles is planning to land a role in the upcoming Hobbit movie, become more involved in Civil Rights and possibly converting to either Judaism or Islam. Probably the former since the latter is taking a bath in the PR stakes, and, well, it is Hollywood, if Lohan is hoping to revive her career through marriage Jews are the in thing right now.
Don’t look at me like that, it’s true, just feel sorry for Judaism in this case.
Also, on a personal note I have to say that all those movies about women in prison are all wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. There are, if anything, too many towels.
Images are copyright of Really Pathetic Productions, yup, we make them too.

Past Society: Bioshock 2 Review.

1031 B.C. - 2010 A.D., Really Pathetic, LLC.