Past Sports




Sports coverage for the week of 4/20/10

Hugh Hefner to Purchase Sports Team
By Grey Sports

Hugh Hefner, Editor-in-Chief of Playboy magazine, the discerning publication for men, and women, who enjoy beautiful, attractive, well presented, well lit pictures of beautiful, attractive, gorgeously attired when attired women, is rumoured to be looking for a sports team to add to his empire.
No official reason is given, though it is thought that as he gets older Hefner thinks more about his legacy. And aside from his pride in his children, his publishing empire and decades and decades of endless sex with beautiful, buxom, freewheeling, exciting young women who were born into a world where there has always been a Playboy magazine for them to display their impressive attributes, Hefner thinks he hasnít quite done enough.
Rumour also has it that Hugh Hefner needs something to do because young, attractive, energetic, blonde women these days do not have the stamina to keep up with him, and being the nice guy that he is he would rather occupy his time constructively rather than endlessly bother them with his needs.
Prospective purchases include the Dallas Cowboys, the Chicago Cubs, Tiger Woodís last remaining good reputation (the part that doesnít involve the sex, Hefner has enough of that as it is), or a yacht just like every other rich old white guy, though this is unlikely as it carries the implication of having too much time and not enough sex, as the latest Americaís Cup crop seems to prove.
Predictably there has been outrage based on Hefnerís reputation, though there has also been some optimism as a cash injection is exactly what most of these teams and groups need. Indeed, the New York Knicks, half of the Seattle sporting scene and Brent Farve have all approached Hefner with offers to work for or at least with him in this matter.
Objectors have not been quite, though they seem to realise they are on shaky ground at best since billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch owns at least 1% of all sporting teams in the Americas, Africa and Northern Europe. Unsavoury rich people are a part of the scene.
When met with accusations that all Hugh Hefner would do is fill the sidelines with attractive, lithe, sexy, buxom, jumping women who perform no additional service to the game other than attracting the eye of every man to their smooth skin and perky expressions everyone just thought for a minute and tried to figure out what ordinary cheerleaders do anyway.
The sports world waits with drooling tongues.

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