Past Sports




Sports coverage for the week of 3/24/10

Straight from the Swede

Athletes now want to win everything ever, for doing nothing
By Cozmic

It seems most athletes are not content with simply participating in sports events and potentially get enormous amounts of cash for endorsing shoes, clothes, rackets, steroids and bats any more. No, because, while money is all fine and well, as the NCAA points out, everybody should be a winner. This has led to a ton of athletes demanding they get to play in the finals, even though they are not eligible for something like this. Yet, they say, they have a right to win, so really, what does it matter if they lost the quarter finals? Or, better yet, what does it matter if this is even the sport they play.
“Every athlete should be allowed to compete in any sporting event ever. From now on, nobody loses and everyone can get a participation trophy, but, as we all know, if you get a trophy that makes you a winner.” These were the words uttered by Michael Jordan, arguably the most famous example of wanting to compete in a sport on a professional level without having a single clue as to how to play it. Jordan spoke at a press conference as a spokesperson for athletes all over North America, who are tired of applying themselves less than the other guy and therefore not winning, even though they totally could have won had they been better athletes. But apparently what is important is trophies and claiming victory, so therefore they should get to participate in all sporting events, and to win them they have even started ripping off humour sites in order to invent new sports, like fireball hockey and the two sibling extreme sports hump catting and bear blasting.
A not particularly wise cartoon character once said “What's winning without the losers?” While we can try and proclaim that he was entirely wrong in his other focus entirely on winning, much like most athletes now a days, he did have a very good point. What joy is there in winning if you cannot look down and spit on all the people you just defeated, because compared to you they suck?If everyone wins, then how can you prove who is best? And who in their right mind would watch a golf game starring a bunch of hockey stars, basket stars, football stars and that one pro skier who has no clue what a golf club is, but she sure does enjoy wining? Probably not a whole lot of people, one could hope. Then again, people still watch reality TV, which could easily be considered far worse, so expect to see crummy sports get networked, sports fans completely quit caring, and all athlete's patting each other on the back for a great job at winning a bunch of crummy, cheap trophies. Hurray for the competition!

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