Past Sports




Sports coverage for the week of 3/8/10

Rumble in the Arctic: It is On!
By Grey Sports
(Continued from possibly revived)
The long delayed, rules lawyered, hopscotched sporting event that was supposed to decide who got what slice of the arctic resource pie when Global Warming eventually obliterated the glacier is finally going to happen.
Thanks goes to billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch. Using the vast, shadowy resources at his command he has announced he will prop the event up by turning the whole thing into another Fox quality Reality TV show.
Murdoch tried to use the phrase “quality Fox Reality TV show”, however not even he could do that without having his mouth explode.
By entering into the event in this fashion Murdoch has been able to dictate much of the form the contest will take,
According to producers since the goal is the North Pole the race will start at the point furthest from the goal, which is, uh, the North Pole.
Somehow managing to make more sense than it would initially seem participants are to start at the North Pole and travel to the South Pole and just keep going. Effectively they are to keep travelling South until they start going North again. The first to win will have possession of 50% of all Arctic mineral assets, second place will have 30% and third 20%.
The show is touted as combining the best of The Greatest Race, Survivor and most modelling and wife swapping shows as competitors will need to have a means of crossing all terrain and oceans between the North Pole and the North Pole.
Murdoch wants there to be only a few race paths, different enough that the teams are identifiable by more than style and nationality, but also the trouble, terrain and minor crimes they will have to commit in order to win.
At the same time Murdoch’s various business interests will be partners in all patents and new technologies developed in order to participate, no matter how ridiculous or ridonkulous.
Inventor of Global Warming Al Gore has come out again, claiming that this is no more than profiteering from an impending global disaster of doom, making cheap entertainment out of worldwide misery, and then the babbling became incoherent and he curled up into a ball for a nap.
As an American associated Australian with no known scruples, a penchant for siding with the right kind of dictatorship and a passive knowledge of the dark arts Rupert Murdoch has become the surprise compromise candidate for sorting this mess out while providing a not inconsiderable amount of money, and possibly some entertainment.
Where this will lead, what trouble this will cause and what, if any, sense will be made is all for the future.

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