Past Sports




Sports coverage for the week of 2/21/10

Sewing Circles on Pins and Needles Over Olympic Snub!
By Puns McKenna

The winter Olympics are coming up and the events that will feature are being chosen. There will be the typical events of Skating, the Luge, Skiing, Bob Sledding, Curling, etc. The one event you will not see there is Sewing Circles.

This crafting pastime has been around since very early times. Women would gather to discuss their children, their husbands, their satisfactions and dissatisfactions with life. There has been other less dignified innuendoes tied to sewing circles, as well, but that isn’t our focus here. Many women have expressed their outrage towards Olympic officials for their complete disregard of such a noble pastime. Groups of women who have founded sewing circles all over the world have cried out that their favored gatherings should be judged by the world just as any sport would be.

Now, the name: Sewing Circle, is somewhat of a misnomer. Sewing is not the only activity that happens at one of these events. There are also activities such as cooking, baking, wine tasting, cosmetic makeovers, tupperware parties, and many others. The women who run these events have espoused that the diversity of their activities is worthy of the title sports. They have likened it to hunting or skeet shooting. Admittedly both of those would be summer sports, but the idea is much the same.

After having spent so many winters watching the events that are in the Olympics and reportedly being bored, these women feel it is high time for payback. Some men have expressed a desire for Sewing Circle to become an Olympic event, just so they can know what their wives are doing when they are among their friends. It seems to be, “a fly on the wall” effect more than any real desire to see these events as sports.

Olympic officials, however, have determined that this type of event is not really a sport and therefore does not have any place in the Winter Olympics. It is unlikely that they will change their mind anytime soon. According to one official, “Sewing circles are more suited to a convention than the Olympics. It is degrading to athletes the world over to try to unfairly compete against a group of women who have nothing better to do than gab about the latest gossip.”

I’m sorry to say that the official in question was dragged away by his wife’s firm grip on his ear. After that incident I was unable to get any more pointed responses from other officials. It seems that there will be no further discussion on this matter as the topic is too hot.

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