Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 5/13/09

Twitter-pasted Sports Maniacs!
By Puns McKenna
So we’re all used to the Internet delivering our latest sports headline. We’ve had, MSN, and many others telling us what our favorite sports team is doing, but now we have an animal of a different variety. This animal happens to be like a big barracuda or maybe a rabid Orca let loose on a school full of fish.

Now you’re all probably wondering what I mean by that. It’s simple, really. The Internet has always been a real big fad. IM, Email, BB, all of it has been a faster way to communicate, and each has been really hot in their own way. However, has anyone ever heard of a hostile take over? That’s what I see twitter doing to the sports world. Sure we’re still going to see our favorite sports talked about in other places, but you know that it isn’t going to be any sort of comparison with what Twitter is going to do.

People will be tweeting each other in the before games, in the middle of them, and at the end, telling every gory detail. In the end that’s going to make blogs, sports websites, and newspapers obsolete. Who’s super worried about that, though right? No one cares about it all that much because we are afterall in the Digital age. That digital age is something we should worry about though. I mean we have the internet; we have Blue Tooth; we have Instant Messenger. Do we really want to let a little thing like the Twitter wildfire to get out of control, and blaze into all our sports loving homes?

Hey, ya know, if you want to Twitter all your peeps about the latest Aces game and go SMS crazy that’s your dealio. I just warn against it. It could endanger all of those people who broadcast sports reviews and reports. I know I don’t want to be responsible for them losing their jobs.

So, hey! The next time you get the scores for the Nicks on your Twitter, let ESPN know about it. Maybe they’ll find a way to capitalize on it.

Rap star Buys Soccer Team Broadcast

Grey Action (Featured on the RPP Video Update)

It has been revealed that a New England soccer team was recently purchased by a well known rap artist.
This has put said rapper’s street cred in a dire position, the ownership of a soccer team is bad enough, that alone could take a solid gold gangsta down to a lukewarm playa. The fact that it is an American team means that even the hottest, guntotingest, pimped up mac daddy could be reduced to a lowly hustler.
The stigma of soccer would mean that the rapper in question would be dragged into the street by his peers, stripped of his bling, have his underwear tucked into his clothing, all illegitimate children legitimised through DNA transfer and given a day job as a frustrated data processor.
And for all this it may have been a simple accounting error. In the past rappers have made moves to own basketball, baseball, even hockey teams, so it is quite likely that this is little more than a communications error, considering the relative cheapness of American soccer teams.
For now the name of the rapper in question is a closely held secret as West and East side factions prepare to pounce and counter pounce.
Rumour has it that it is a rapper of some repute, who’s stage name is based on currency and has been seen saying Notorious B.I.G. didn’t go far enough.
This limits the pool of potential suspects to nine hundred individuals, of whom eight hundred and seventy will be forgotten by next month and twenty seven of the remainder forgotten by the next Survivor series.
Appealing for calm and patience lest a rapper lose all cred needlessly Snoop Doggy Dog released to following statement:
“We all don’t got to be up in the phizzel with giggy jang doe-wap snare. Intreminent focuser be in the train saggity. Hop lycutence kembowl at the snoz camera wassa made.”
Translations will be made available if any of that turns out to be a language.


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