Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 4/27/09

Cris Collinsworth seems to be an excellent replacement, but I wonder. I don’t wonder about his ability, I’m sure he’ll be good. However, he seems to have this thing about dried corn. Most people wouldn’t think it so odd if he was using the corn for decoration or crafts, but the weird thing is, he’s not. He seems to be eating the corn. He seems to have an unorthodox way of holding the digital highlighter as well. He holds it between his toes. How bizarre is that?

Oh well, it doesn’t seem to inhibit his ability to stand in John’s shoes, however. He’s reporting the season very well so far. Wait, what? You mean it isn’t the football season right now? So what’s he doing reporting it now? Maybe what he’s trying to do is get a jump on the season. Perhaps what he needs is practice writing on the digital board. Or maybe nobody told him that the football season doesn’t start until something like August.

Lets look at just what it is he’ll have to do to fill John’s considerably shoes, shall we? First, he has to recreate that sonorous droning voice. A difficult proposition if you consider the occasional squawk he lets loose. And of course, he has to learn how to write clearly enough that we can understand the scribbles he’s constantly using to cover up the next play. I’m not sure that it really requires practice to be that annoying, but I could always be wrong.

The other thing he’ll have to do is become an aficionado on football. Truthfully, he doesn’t have the same amount of time in the industry, but he’s a pretty good actor isn’t he? Hey, wait a minute! Are those feathers that I see under his neck? Yes, I said neck, because it looks like his head is coming off and revealing a… chicken! OMG, Madden’s replacement is a chicken! Chicken Boo!

I fully expected a gimmick when Madden retired, but not something like this. An animated chicken from the Animaniacs was not what I was expecting.