Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 3/31/09

Easter Bunny gunned down at baseball field named after him
By Ezra Mann (Editor in Spoof)
The Easter Bunny, that huggable giver of egg related joy was brought to his knees when Elmo Fuddchowsky, leader of the anti-easter hate group, “Hard Boiled Satan” fired shots at the holiday hero Tuesday morning. Bunny was attending a rededication of “Easter Bunny Little League Field” in Trenton, New Jersey when Fuddchowsky broke through a procession of umpires and attacked.
The much beloved lagomorph was listed in critical condition at Basket Case Veterinary Hospital and is expected to make a full recovery, thanks to a lucky mole’s foot in his breast pocket that deflected a bullet that could have hit his heart. Nearby mall security cops were able to tackle the assailant before he was able to reload his pellet gun. Fuddchowsky was taken into custody and could face attempted character murder charges, according to Police Chief Bucky O’ Charmes.
Several children who were in attendance for the scheduled game between the Wal-Mart Sponsored “Smileys” and Samsung sponsored “Digiawesomes” have been taken to counseling as a result of the incident. However, many were relieved to learn that Bunny would not be pushing up daisies, though the local tempura restaurant next door was ready for the worst case scenario.
A temporary replacement for the upcoming holiday has not been chosen, but several candidates including “Bugsy Layoni” and “Hops McKinsey” are leading candidates, according to PR services for Bunny. Mrs. Bunny, spouse of the victim, said that while she was furious of the attack on her bunchkins, she was ready for him to come back home and teach his kids about multiplication. “You always consider the possibility of an attack on your loved ones, but it never really stops you from tossing your carrots when it happens,” said Mrs. Bunny.


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