Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 2/22/09

Michael Vick's idiocies to become musical!
By Cozmic
Michael Vick, former football player turned unpopular, despised jerk due to the dog fighting, recently held a press conference wherein he stated that he had agreed to let his recent life be (further) immortalized in the world of entertainment, as, of all things, a musical. Rumored to be aiming for Broadway, speculation has been going wild since the title of one of the musical numbers was released. The song, called “Beat my bitches” suggests a more hip-hop style of musical, especially when compared to the title of the discarded song” **** **** up” and also that Vick might not be as innocent as he first claimed.
Vick's rise to infamy started in April 2007, with the discovery of the Bad Newz Kennels dog fighting ring, being run on Vick's property. Vick's subsequent incarceration and all the jokes made on his expense have since made life for the Atlanta Falcon quarterback rather difficult.
The musical is, according to Vick himself, not only a way to try and get people to see his side of the story, but also to make lots of money. “'Cats' was an enormous hit, why should a musical about fighting dogs not be an even bigger one? Everyone knows dogs are better than cats, and fighting is awesome, especially when dogs are involved,” the star was quoted as saying. Vick has denied that he would be playing himself in the musical, and, in what was generally considered by the entire press to be a sad attempt at depth, said “I feel like I can relate more to the dogs now.”
The storyline is predicted to follow Michael Vick in one end of the story, and one of the pitbulls, named Rooby, and his friends, in another, supposedly showcasing how Rooby really brought it all on himself and how Michael Vick was tricked by his evil friend Purnell A. Peace, also known as P-Funk, portrayed as a drug-addicted, dog-killing scumbag, while Vick desperately tries to talk him out of his canine-slaughtering ways through the power of song and talking rhytmically. However, Vick has to contend with P-Funk's cousin Tony Taylor and the mysterious Q, both who want nothing more than money and dead dogs. Meanwhile, Rooby has to struggle to accept his career as a fighting champion and deal with the horrible death of his brother, Rappy, a small puppy who Vick's bet against.
The difference between “Cats” and the musical which has yet to be named, although there are speculations going around about the title being either “Bad Newz for all Dudez” “Michael Vick's Kennel Blues: a musical,” is that “Cats” had a big producer behind it and was entirely fictional, while this is a sad rewrite of history backed by a guy sentenced to jail for aid in an illegal animal fighting ring. But as Vick said, what could be cooler than dogs fighting? Perhaps the obvious, such as giant robot fights, a musical we are all still looking forward to.


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