Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 11/6/08

Electric Turkey carvers and Motorcycles: Extreme Pumpkin Carving!
By Puns McKenna

United Nations- Leaders of the world gathered this week in Geneva to participate in the first annual pumpkin carving contest, even though they were week late of the American tradition. They were given motorcycle helmets and electric turkey carvers with no explanation. Aides led the fifteen participants into a large room. There on individual tables were sets of riding leathers. Each Magnate was asked to don the leathers and follow the aides to a garage where they were given a motorcycle. After nearly a half an hour, all fifteen were ready. They were guided out of the garage and onto a large dirt track.

The track was divided into fifteen separate sections. At the center of each was a large pumpkin weighing in at over 1200 pounds. The various presidents, princes and queens were each assigned a section and the race begun. What was this awesome race that required an electric turkey knife, a motorcycle, and a pumpkin? A pumpkin carving contest, of course!

Yes, thatís right! The world leaders were roped into an extreme sports style, pumpkin-carving contest. President Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, President Jinato, Grand Duke Henri, King Abdullah II, and many others revved up their cycles and plundered the hapless orange squash. Several dignitaries had a very hard time managing to coordinate cutting and circling. One pumpkin, Prince Albert II of Monacoís to be precise came away from the contest looking like a sculpture done by Picasso. One eye was in itís proper place, the other was below and much removed from it. The mouth was jagged, as most pumpkins are, but it ran at a diagonal cant.

O le Ao o le Malo Tufuga Efi of Samoa was perhaps the most precise in his attempt. He would make several circles around the pumpkin and then suddenly jab out with his turkey carver. The result was rarely messy, but the features were most interesting. His pumpkin bore an image of a face within a face within a face. Many of the judges shuddered at the demonic visage.

The judges were drawn from the remaining world dignitaries. Many were surprised when Vietnamese President Nguyen Minh Triet voted for Chairman of the National Defence Commission Kim Jong-ilís Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon picture. Likewise they were surprised when President Miheil Saakashvili voted favorably for President Dmitry Medvedevís pumpkin.

It was indeed a grand sight to see all those pumpkins carved in a unified sporting contest. It would seem that this particular event will be happening again. Already the world leaders that were not able to participate, this yearís event are signing up for next year. If the turnout remains steady, the list of participants will take this extreme sport into at least the year 2040. Apparently old dogs can be taught new tricks. Stay tuned, there are more extreme sports for these dignitaries to try. Next time we may see horses and riding crops being used to carve the pumpkins. Perhaps these events will be hosted in specific countries; that is in negotiations. But for the time being the event will continue to be held in Geneva, on neutral territory.


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