Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 10/23/08

Sport brands to compete for sponsoring Wii-players
By Cozmic

Yes, you read that right, honestly! No, I find it weird too. Yes, already, Nike and Adidas and Rebok are fighting over who gets to sponsor those poor people who found Wii Sports and Wii Fit funny enough to still be playing them, by supplying them with a bunch of cool stuff like shoes and shorts and t-shirts and special underwear that will fit regardless of how much weight you lose due to stepping up on a plate constantly, and also has some over-appreciated logo on them (no, not the Apple apple, that is a completely different pair of underwear). The main reason for this is rather simple: the Wii sells like hot butter, still, and everyone wants to be able to get in on a piece of the nun chuck-waving action.
The main reason this has not happened sooner is that while the Wii has sold out pretty much constantly, until lately nobody has cared about the players, but, to quote an analyst “It's about bloody freaking tie Nintendo stepped up to the plate of this whole internet-thing again, with something that is not Mario-related.” Of course, should online international Wii flailing-your-arms-around become a hit, already sponsoring the will be superstars that can defeat everyone will be worth an awful lot of money, since you were there first.
Now, much like sponsored Counter-strike players, or Koreans who can click on their Zergs (kekekekeke) at 50,000 million clicks a second, most people who are good at Wii sports have the mental maturity of a 5-year old, but since the Wii also appeals to less hardcore people, or, rather, ONLY non-hardcore gaming people, so the odds of seeing someone who might be good at actual sports or something is perhaps not as farfetched as it seems, and these are probably the people who would get more cool sponsorships, while the others.. Well, honestly, who cares, there might be hot girls to be had!?
So far, the companies have planned televised tournaments, sponsoring both the tournaments and the flight there for their superstars, and making sure they wear the coolest of cool new threads, shoes and straps for the wiimote available, showcasing the cool logo and making every other schmuck, and by schmuck I mean those teenagers we decided would be horribly lame in any tournament (get a life, you kids!), think “man, if only I had a pair of Nike Wii's like Stephen Bergstein, I too would be an awesome Wii sports player”, and then buy a pair of golf shoes for hundreds of dollars and make Nike, or Adidas, or Reebok, or whoever else, filthy stinking richer.
Now Nintendo just needs to agree to the whole “online can be fun” thing.


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