Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 9/18/08

Straight from the Swede
Sweden declared worst sports nation in the world
By Cozmic

In 2006 Sweden was generally recognized as the greatest country in the world at sports due to winning the Olympics and the world championship in the only sport that ever really matters: hockey.
Now, 2 years later, Sweden could not win a gold even if our reputation as a country made up of something other than fat slobs who sit and stare at the TV all day depended on it. For a country of nine million people, the amount of them who excel at sports seem few and far between nowadays. Of course, by comparison, the United States has a population of somewhere around 300 million, and still has to pad the National Hockey League with Swedes, Russians, Canadians, Czechs and other people from just about every other country that has ever heard of ice, except Norway and Denmark.
But still, the reigning Olympic champions all failed horribly this year, the soccer team remains a joke people, and by people I mean those incredibly moronic sports editors and those overly optimistic people who could use a fantastic reality check, for some reason always predict gold for. So just how terrible can a country get, and why?
Well, one theory is that you can only sustain awesomeness for so long, and sooner or later the injuries are going to get you. This is perfectly understandable, as all that training and competing creates a lot of wear and tear on the body, which always has to perform at its maximum potential or else everybody will claim that you completely suck and will never do any good. Of course, sometimes this is the case anyway, but people will still claim that you are absolutely fantastic in every single way (seriously, sports chroniclers, what games are you watching that the rest of us cannot see? Because all I see is a guy who trips on his own feet, cannot hit the net, and never ever supports the team. If that makes you some sort of soccer hero, then why am I not getting paid about a gazillion dollars?)
Another theory is that the gods of sport only favour people for a short amount of time, and probably got beaten up by the Norse gods in ancient times, meaning they really, really hate Scandinavians anyway. This theory is of course wholly and entirely 100% unscientific, meaning most superstitious sports fans, meaning far, far, far too many of them will believe in it without a doubt.

Of course, it could just be sheer bad luck, wear and tear, new talents, or that the few people we have who are good at some sport decide “hey, let me try this one instead” and all of a sudden realize that nope, not happening. Either way, whether the aftermath of some ancient struggle where Thor kicked some wussy other, superfluous god's backside, the facts are in: Sweden just plain suck at sports in the year 2008.


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