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| Past Sports from the past week. Past sports article for the week of 6/9/08 Xphile’s Tapes XXII: They’re Up To Something In China By Grey Xphile Olympics in Beijing, how the anticommunist hate mongers of the ‘50s must be choking. Sadly it’s never that simple. Sure ticking off a bunch of old men who gave in to paranoia just because they could is pretty sweet, but this is Beijing. If you think the Chinese don’t do conspiracies just look at Belgium. All the way on the other side of the world and looking to split up. Tell me that has nothing to do with Chinese selling more iPod knockoffs! But that isn’t overly related to current events. Well, not the Olympics anyway. There’s a whole ton of evidence that the Chinese are up to something, it just paints a very contradictory picture. Take for example the recent stockpiling of potatoes. Sounds innocent enough, right? Build up a stockpile of starch, right? Wrong. Mostly. It’s to hold over the Irish. Sure the Irish aren’t totally dependent on potatoes to survive, but it is a vital source of their powers. Yeah the Irish have powers, but that’s another story. This story is a tip of the iceberg kind of thing, the sort of entry that makes you wonder just what the Chinese are up to this year with their Olympics. Certainly there will be cheating, on all sides, it’s not the Olympics without drugs, brutal training regimes and satanic rituals. And of course testing will find a number of drug and Satan abusers, it will also inevitably miss a number. This isn’t what the Chinese are looking for though. Universal victory plays well in theory, but dominating the Olympics with their own players is just going to look wrong no matter which way you slice it. So what advantage is there? All the important people in one place. Now they’ll be on the lookout for a Manchurian Candidate style operation. If Denzel Washington, Frank Sinatra, Levi Schreiber or Angela Lansbury turn up everyone hailing from nations West of the Urals is going to hightail it out of there. And if Meryl Streep turns up they’re shooting to kill. Not because of the Manchurian thing, just because it’s Streep. Bribery? Mundane but possible with the lower echelon hangers on with nothing better to do. Blackmail? Doesn’t require anyone leaving their home nation. Even works better if they don’t. But what about teaching them all to yodel? Offer up free yodelling lessons, it takes hold, before you know it a whole bunch of people around the world are yodelling so much the rest of us can’t escape it. Naturally there’ll be something sinister around sports, but it’s the Chinese, come on, their Olympic grade female swimmers have more upper body strength than male weight lifters. So they’ll eat a horse or bust the kneecap of Tiger Woods or something, I still say they’re going to be subtle, doing something that has no apparent gain or benefit to anyone but fits into a larger plan. Just like how the Swiss are going to screw over everyone by funding Adam Sandler movies. |
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