Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 3/31/08

Thoughts from Nevada
Herb Peterson… Egg McMuffin Man….
By Puns McKenna

‘Tis a sad day in the life of every McDonald’s patron. Yes, we all mourn the loss of the man whom invented the Egg McMuffin. Herb Peterson, known for his astounding invention, because “He was very partial to Eggs Benedict”, has passed into the land of hashbrowns and fluffy white egg McMuffin clouds. But wait! We don’t have to mourn him completely!
No kidding here folks, McDonald’s has stricken a deal with Peterson’s family. Instead of being buried or cremated, our gentleman friend to the hungry breakfaster is going to be stuffed. Now you may be wondering if they intend to stuff him with Egg McMuffins and hashbrowns. But no, sadly I must tell you he won’t be. However, don’t despair too much. He will be taken to a very experienced taxidermist and prepared for the long life he will continue to live.

Okay, so not live in the traditional sense, but it will be a life of sorts. See the bargain was this. McDonald’s has profited from his invention so much that they want to make him the spokesman for their new campaign. They’re going to parade him out to football fields and functions all across the U.S to promote eating contests. He will wear a tee-shirt that bears the slogan: Egg McMuffin’s; The breakfast of Champions!

Disturbing? Doesn’t it just make you want to run right out and join an eating contest where McMuffin Man is going to be? Mmmhmm, yummy in the tummy! Seems to me a person would have a far better time and chance of keeping the food down if they didn’t have to look at the rotting remains of the inventor of Egg McMuffins, trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

So, we have the man of the hour being trussed up and stuffed for promotional purposes and moneymaking gigs. But what does that mean for his funeral? Are the mourners going to walk in to view the body and be scared out of their skin when they see him sitting in a chair looking slimmer and younger? Heck, that’s just what I’d want to see! You know that there are going to be hundreds of McDonald’s patrons at his very public funeral.

I project that one of two things will happen. Either sales of Egg McMuffins will take an increasing spirally downturn, or they’ll rocket into the sky bound for Mars. Either way, I think it shows a certain lack of consideration. Surely people don’t want to eat with the stiff watching them. Talk about “Weekend at Bernie’s” gone horribly wrong. What’s next, the little stuffed replicas of Egg McMuffin man that you can hang in your car? Or maybe they’ll make the child’s toy in the Happy Meal that they chew on and sleep with?

Goes a little too far for my taste. Personally I think they should have just filled his coffin with Egg McMuffins and called it good. Don’t you agree?


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