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Past Sports from the past week. Past sports article for the week of 3/9/08 Rumble in the Arctic: We Forgot One Little Thing By, Grey Sports (Continued from Ep. 4) The Grand Final Once And For All This Time We Really Mean It Ultimate Decider Race to the Arctic for control of all the mineral wealth, resources, and little goblins with hoarded treasure was postponed today because, quite simply, no one remembered to measure the finishing line. It’s a little more complicated than it sounds, which is saying something. All starting lines are the southernmost tip of each nation. Fine. Even including the fringe entries from the Southern Hemisphere this is a sensible idea as American Know How and Russian bloody mindedness could easily overcome Canadian cheer if given a chance and a rocket booster. Unfortunately, no one really settled where exactly to finish. It was going to be geographic North, according to Canada and Australia, but a misprint has New Zealand and Russia trying for magnetic North as measured on January 1, 2008, while everyone else thought it was magnetic North wherever it happened to be at the time. Who knew magnetic North was free roaming? At any rate the confusion caused by a single misprint has proven to be enough of a loophole for some (not naming names here Ussiar, Orwayn or Ewn Ealandz) to open up a whole new debate on finishing lines, starting positions and type of warm muffin to be offered up at the end, assuming we ever get that far. Most nations are proposing a much simplified version of the rules stating that everyone starts at their Southernmost geographical location, does three complete laps to the Arctic Geographic North and whoever averages the quickest time for distance wins. Sadly it seems that more cloutish nations are taking this as an excuse to weed out the competition by extending debate to the point where no one with any sense will bother hanging around and listening to the squabbling. Already Sweden, Chile and Samoa have bowed out, sadly so have many news affiliates with ABC, NBS, Australia’s Channel 7 and Al Jazera all dropping live coverage and just waiting until a winner is announced and using stock footage of Huskie races and clips from the Ice Age movie franchise to make us all feel like we’re really there. If this sort of thing continues only the likes of this network and Fox will continue with coverage. Foolhardy dedication to reporting the news aside, several nations are claiming that the Arctic and the treasures aren’t worth all this bother and if by the next article the race hasn’t at least entered the first lap the whole thing will be settled by a war. This would of course play into the hands of the Spanish. No one’s entirely sure how it’s just what the Spanish keep telling anyone who’ll listen. |
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