Past Sports
 Past Sports from the past week. Past sports article for the week of 2/3/08 Fraction warriors stay undivided in the face of decimals By, Cozmic After Dennis DeTurck stepped into the spotlight with his claims that fractions should be abandoned once again, the “fractal warriors”, as they are called, a super-team of absolute and total math masters, have rebelled strongly against the idea, claiming that fractions are an integral part of math, and, more importantly, competing in math and thus proving you might be a total nerd but at least you're better at it than everyone else. DeTurck's claims that teachers should stop teaching fractions, instead replacing them with decimals such as 1/3 being replaced by .333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 (to infinity and beyond!) are, according to the leader of the group, known as “The Non-Remainder” in the competitive maths-circuit, and Bob by everyone else, “the most stupidest thing I've ever heard since someone said pi was only 3.14.” Such harsh words have of course led to DeTurck filing a lawsuit against Bob, who's sole comment on the matter was that this was merely the start of the first quarter. DeTurck, of course, was even more infuriated by this. Rather than take it up in court, however, the fractal warriors want to settle the fractions versus decimals fight in a simple game of taking math-tests. Whoever finishes first and has the most correct answers will win the fight. DeTurck has thus far refused to partake, saying that it would be heavily slanted against using decimals, since he refuses to use fractions, while the fractal warriors could use whatever they please. This means that they could answer things with 100% accuracy, something DeTurck frowns upon, as the closest he would get would be to type an infinite amount of decimals, something that would take up far too much time, meaning he would either have an incorrect answer or lose. When the fractal warriors asked if this did not pretty much invalidate his entire point of why fractions should be ignored, DeTurck chose not to respond. Expert commentators, who all are part of the fractal warriors or are their arch-enemies, all agree that DeTurck has pretty much lost the debate entirely now, and that should the whole thing end up in court, he would have to pay four fifths of the legal fees. DeTurck pointed out that four fifths was a staggering 80 per cent, and was immediately patted on the head by Bob's friend “Dividing by zero” for being such a good boy who could figure that out.
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