Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 12/16/07

Mafia really does have a hand in professional tennis
By, Cozmic

Former professional tennis player John McEnroe has recently expressed fears that the mafia has infiltrated tennis, citing the fact that some players appear to throw their games while still making tremendously large amounts of money. This, according to McEnroe, could mean that players are not getting paid to lose, but rather are threatened by organized crime.
Recent proof seems to prove McEnroe right, as late yesterday a tennis star admitted to being threatened by the mafia to throw an important game. “I refused the money”, he said, “and then what they threatened to do scared me half to death. I lost the game, but I made it a close one, to show that I will not give in.” It is also possible this might have been a part of the instructions given to him by the mafia in an attempt to draw as little attention to the game as possible, of course.
But the cat is out of the bag now, and yet another tennis star has admitted to not only being threatened by the mafia, but they actually went “all Godfather on his” and then a word synonymous with donkey was used, for some bizarre reason. The anonymous tennis player, ranked among the top 100 in the world, said he woke up one morning after a long dispute with the mafia, during which he had received a warning something bad was going to happen to him or his loved ones soon, to find that he shared his bed with half a tennis racket stained in ketchup. “It was horrible, they had taken the grip, and that was my favourite racket! I have no idea where it went, but I found some ketchup outside a woodchipper, and it is my greatest fear they destroyed it.”
Exactly what impact this violence has on the game is yet to be discovered, likewise just how many players have thrown games over fear of mob retaliation.
There is also the question of just how long this has in fact been going on, as McEnroe seems to claim that his famous “out” ball was in fact in and the judge was either bribed or threatened by legendary crime boss Fat Tony Dimico, who has a tendency on betting on tennis games in between hands of poker, attempts to kill mayors of small towns and milking rats.
After this claim a lot of people seem to have given up on McEnroe's latest theory, claiming that something so simple as evidence is not going to stand in the way of their believes about not ever changing anything, whereas most other people simply do not seem to care.


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