Past Sports



Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 11/19/07

O.J to start prison football league
By, Cozmic
With charges against him for yet another really bad crime, things are not looking well for O.J Simpson, especially now that Johnny Cochran and his famous Chewbacca-defense has turned into the stuff of legends. Should Simpson get convicted of kidnapping, he will face some serious jail-time, time he would do well to spend trying to behave.
This has absolutely nothing to do with O.J announcing plans to create a football league for inmates, however. This is not going to be like “The Longest yard” or pretty much any movie starring the Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, because this is somewhat real, much like the glove that supposedly did not fit. The official main reason of the league will be to have the tiny guys get jumped on by the larger guys, so that the larger guys can then run around and feel good about themselves, until they get tackled by several other large guys, in which case the game will pause and everyone will go out for a bit of tea, or rather, they would if they were not manly men who play football and can show off their huge muscles, the rules were not so complicated, and they were not locked in for doing what is generally considered to be bad things.
However, by letting teams play other teams, for instance the Italian mafia could play the Russian mafia, and then winning the right to travel to see other prisons and beat new people, teamwork and social skills may well be improved greatly and this could lead to less crime Or everyone just ends up getting contacts everywhere and as soon as they are released crime will run rampant everywhere. Not to mention tensions in the cells can get even higher as teams prepare to square off against each other in a supposedly good, clean match that will most likely be anything but. When one team finally does win the local prison tournament, they will have the heightened chance of pulling off a “the Fugitive” on their trip to the next one, where they will be a foreign element that causes way too much of a ruckus, and coached by one of the dozens of sports stars doing jail-time, along with the general bad guy who can deal either drugs or dirt on everybody. But still, it might rehabilitate people, and an almost fair tackle is better than a far less than fair stabbing in the gut.
The inofficial, and thus real, main reason, of course, is that O.J needs to remind people that he did not just do crummy roles in movies, once upon a time he actually played football himself, and was even good at it. Whether this paves the road for a comeback at the spry age of 60 or so after getting out remains to be seen, but one could hope. The man who's name can be read as an acronym for either orange juice or Orenthal James certainly seems to have hope.


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