Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 11/9/07


That's right, this week you get twice the pun in athletics!

Memorable Sports quotes…
By, Puns McKenna
After poring over millions of hours of footage I think I’ve come up with a comprehensive list of memorable quotes from folks in the midst of sports victory. We’ve all seen the camera muggers during our favorite sporting events, haven’t we? You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones that look right into the camera and say something stupid like: “Hi mom!” We all know the stupid comments they make. Shows the I.Q. of our average sports star, doesn’t it?
One of my personal favorites aside from the old “hi mom” bit…. Oh yeah…. rifles through some papers here is it…. Straight from Howard Cosell…
“The ultimate victory in competition is derived from the inner satisfaction of knowing that you have done your best and that you have gotten the most out of what you had to give.”

Good quote, huh? Kinda states the obvious though. I mean wow, what the heck are we all thinkin here? So we failed to win the game… But hey, we did our best. We did our best to lose the game? Huh? I’m eternally satisfied with mediocrity, aren’t you?

Oh and here’s another one that just makes me laugh. It’s a bit on the corny edge of the schtick… “Special Olympics Motto: Quotes about Winning: Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.” This is a very uplifting quote if you don’t know what competition is all about. Makes it sound like we’re knights of old getting ready to go out and slay the dragon or something.

And this has to be one of the most motivating pieces I’ve found. “Jack Kemp: There is a kind of victory in good work, no matter how humble.”

Tells us all that no matter how many times they say “Hi mom” into the camera lens, so long as they’re doing their best, they have won a victory. Now, of course, you get those few that like to spew obscenities at the camera when they’ve won. Or those that like to do their goofy little victory dance while singing “la cucharacha” or perhaps the Macarena. I don’t remember what team the guy was on, but I once heard this guy say, “I’d like to thank Papa Smurf” in the end zone after a touch down. It had to have been twenty years ago now, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

Though the one that keeps coming back, maybe it’s just a staple in the victory credo, but “hi mom” is always there. Proving that given all the Pile High and Deeper’s that are out there. We still say the most mundane things.

A-Rod Sweepstakes
By, Rage von Badassington
Ah, November. Plants die, bears go into hibernation (including the Chicago Bears. Zing!), The MLS is wrapping up its season, Football is halfway done, Basketball is starting, as is the five month drought we must all suffer until Baseball's Opening Day in April. And, thanks to the mix of a thin free agent crop and professional jerkass Scott Boras, we get to sit through the circus of where Alex Rodriguez will end up next season and how much some poor, gullible team owner gets to be the next Tom Hicks. Hooray!
So, then, the rumormills have a few front-runners itching to snap up "the best player in baseball," and there may even be a few dark horse candidates like Florida was before they dropped out. Of course, Florida had no real chance, as they'd be paying more for one man than they did for their entire roster last year, plus their owner's a notorious cheapskate. The Dodgers and Angels seem to be the main contenders these days, the former having given Grady Little the bum's rush to make room to snap-up Joe Torre and qoute possibly a rather large chunk of the Yankee's coaches, and the latter still trying to make believe that they're in LA, not Anaheim, and thinking that landing Rodriguez would somehow cement their place in LA to cover for their just plain retarded team name. And the Yankees are offering him arbitration, supposedly to get the draft picks should another team steal him away, but I think in the end, they're gonna crack and reverse their decision not to get into negotiations and just throw even more money away.

Rodriguez himself wants to go to the Red Sox (no surprise, since they just won a World Series), but I don't think they need the kind of bad Juju A-Rod brings to the table. I mean, look at the state he left the teams he was on. Mariners suck. Rangers haven't been to the postseason since they signed him. Yankees have gotten their heads handed to them in the opening round of the playoffs and don't seem to be in any sort of threat to win championships, no matter how much money is thrown around. Not only that, but if I was part of the Boston management, I'd still be pissed off at how our second World Series title was pre-empted by some jackass ruining everything. The Mets supposedly want to lure him away. It makes sense, they collapsed in a way that almost had me feeling sorry for them if I wasn't laughing so hard at the time, they spend almost as much money as the Sox and the Yankees, and are desperate to get out of their shadow by, surprise surprise, snagging away their biggest star. Most interesting of all, the Cubs seem to be in the mix as well, despite their looming sale and the fact that no matter how good Rodriguez may be, or how much revenue they'd get through ticket sales and jerseys, the sheer liability of such a behemoth contract can't look too good when trying to deal the entire team.

In the end, my money would be on the Dodgers. They've seen to have done the most to steal away Yankees, so why not snag their best player? Longshot candidate would be the Tigers, I think. Even though they've said they're not interested and are happy with their current infield now that they've picked up Renteria from the Braves, they've got a slew of Boras clients already-- and if no one is stupid enough to bite with that minimum $350 million contract Boras is asking for-- they just might be able to get together and hammer out a short-term contract that'll leave both sides happy.


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