Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 9/8/07

Bionic Beckham a possibility
By, Cozmic

After his latest injury, possibly putting him out of the entire season, football star David Beckham has said he is considering replacing all those weakling fleshy parts with bionics.
After a fight for the ball went wrong late August, Beckham suffered a knee injury, meaning he will not be playing soccer until at least October. He still gets paid, however, and one can wonder what the bad deal is. Supposedly, I guess, that he likes playing soccer, and obviously wants to play as much as possible. He only missed seven games after damaging his ankle in early June, but says now that he refuses to miss any more. I am certainly considering bionics, it would mean someone could try and rip my arm off and I could just laugh at them. Then my only worry would be missing games for spitting on someone or something similar.
And the midfielder certainly has the money for it, raking in six and a half million dollars each year regardless of injuries. The question is if advanced enough bionics could be found. Some advanced bionics have been available since the 1980's, such as legs that can walk backwards, made popular by Michael Jackson, while others are brand new, and development is still a very interesting field. One of the latest advancements, bionic hands that almost sort of work, seem very interesting to Beckham.
I mean, if I fall, and stub my pinky or something, I might be out for the entire game, maybe even a week! A bionic hand would solve all of that! Plus, it would help me start this powerful new trend of having your body parts replaced with overly expensive toys! Not that there are not people who do not need bionics, such as myself, but for people who have all limbs functioning and can take a tackle, they are more for being cool than anything else.
When asked what Mrs. Beckham would think, David merely winked. Victoria Beckham could not be reached for comment, although this reporter strongly believes she will need to have a say in this. Whether replacing your entire body in a sport where one is reaching near retirement age is a good idea or not is therefore thus far entirely up in the air.


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