Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 6/21/07

Greenland Makes Alligator Wrestling National Sport
By, Grey Sports

Global warming was always expected to have unforeseen consequences, however sports were seen as the last thing to be affected.
But no, as the Greenland Glacier recedes the warmer climate of Greenland gives the natives reason to think about expanding their economic base.
Tourism is one obvious outlet, Greenland has been slowly building a tourism industry based on the environmental and adventure markets.
Combining the two with a warming environment Greenland is now making Alligator Wrestling a national sport.
“It combines adventure and environmental learning, it is the perfect Greenland sport,” said Tourism Advisor Grindling Norrdsperg.
“The people of Greenland are often overlooked, to the point where many people believe this is a country of nothing more than penguins and seals. With fully supported Alligator wrestling we will be able to change the world’s perception of our country.”
Environmental and animal rights groups are, predictably, up in arms. Massive relocation of alligators from their native environments to special containment areas in Greenland are already beginning and are seen as needlessly cruel. Similarly the simple act of wrestling these animals is considered absolutely barbaric.
Comparisons to the late Steve Irwin are already being made, by both sides of the argument.
As one Greenland official stated: “It makes perfect sense, we’re the Australia of the north. We’re bigger than an island, smaller than a continent, have a monarch in another country as our head of state and we have a long history saying things no one else understands. Crikey.”
When told that Australia has no alligators, only crocodiles, he responded that Australia was simply griping because it didn’t think of this first and all it needed to do was rebrand itself and it’s fauna.
On the other side of things the same accusations of stressing animals and unnecessarily involvement with animals is being made, without the redeeming factor of environmentalism. Someone made the poor taste comment that Greenland needs to be invaded by angry stingray, however that was retracted as soon as the comment was made.
A few sources claim that this is an attempt by the people of Greenland to reclaim their Nordic heritage, the vigorous and often violent history of the Vikings.
What this has to do with fighting reptiles is not generally known, though is sparking an interest in Norse mythology to find any connection whatsoever.
There is some thought that this has been a move by the newly elected Penguin majority to thin out the human numbers, a sort of quiet genocide, however the Penguins have been adamantly opposed to the importation of alligators, having enough to fear from the sea lions and marauding, very, very lost pandas which have developed at taste for sweet, mangoey penguin flesh.
All the same Greenland presses forward with this new venture, forging a future unlike anything anyone imagined and making people realise that Penguins do not make all the decisions in this icy location.


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