Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 2/20/06
Winter Olympics 2006
Antartic Team slides through Bobsled Event
Despite being one of the world’s larger continents, Antarctica never
seems to sport a decent athletic team, not even during the Winter Olympics.
This is of course quite peculiar, especially since they somehow seem to
be doing better in the summer Olympics. Whether this is because they smuggle
themselves out from the cold, cold south or because people keep confusing
them with Australia, we may never know.
However, this year has come as a complete surprise, with the Antarctic
team being almost solely focused on the luge, bobsleigh, and skeleton
competitions. For the curious, all of these events are about gliding on
a sled down a track, and, in the case of skeleton, trying to avoid breaking
every single bone in your body. Most of the Antarctic team seem to want
to ignore the sleds though, claiming they slow them down. Or, this is
at least what people suspect they are saying. The chatter of the team
is quite hard to translate, as it was not meant for humans to hear. Many
assume they are mostly using the words for fish and black-tie event, in
all its various forms.
Astute minds will have already guessed what sort of athletes we are talking
about here, and for those less astute, let us merely point out that the
Antarctic team could easily win a prize for most stylish uniform. Well,
that and a swimming contest. It does not seem to have occurred to the
penguins that they can win other events than swimming (fortunately only
freestyle) before now, and I guess that is a good thing. An unlimited
amount of ice to practice on and a natural ability to slide around quickly
makes all other teams chanceless against the cute black and white southerners.
So far they've broken all world records, and while the start of the bob-sleigh
run tends to be a bit slow, there's nobody faster on the track. Luge and
skeleton are even faster, although most of the athletes don't set a new
speed record while gliding on their tummies. But, since this is not standard
procedure, it did not count. Fortunately this does not seem to hamper
the good mood of the penguins, whose only plan is to get as much shiny
things to attract fish with as possible before the long swim home.