Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 2/7/06
Equestrian Trash Talk Goes Too Far
By, Grey Sports
Pre and Post race interviews in several recent Boston equestrian events
became particularly ugly in recent weeks as several competing groups began
a trash talk war the likes of which far exceeded anything previously seen
on Jerry Springer.
Trash talk has long been an unspoken part of all horse related events,
from the simple jockeys at racetracks to the venomous banter at royal
foxhunts. What happened at Boston was not even unusual in and of itself.
This was no high and mighty affair full of pomp and ceremony, nor was
it a down and dirty race, instead falling between these the Boston Regional
Equestrian Competitions is an annual event that draws the top talent from
a number of fields, racing, dressage and bomb manufacture predominantly.
With such a diverse range of competitors and supporters it was only natural
that the trash talk be as varied.
Indeed it was at a Boston event that Husky Two Lips called Princess Medusa
the “Bastard offspring of Mr Ed and Big Bird,” after seeing Princess parade
about with giant yellow feathers and engage in a puppet show with her
Ironically, as we all know Husky himself went on to star in a short-lived
spin-off, “The Son of Mr Ed”, leading to all sorts of rumours regarding
his own parentage.
Nonetheless the three way war of words between Ivan Durenge, Jubilee of
the Five Mountains Flowering in Autumn and Alaskan Grapefruit.
Alaskan Grapefruit was certainly the instigator, calling into question
the ridiculous name of Ivan belonging to someone who is not Russian.
Instead of returning fire on Grapefruit Durenge instead opened up on Jubilee
of the Five Mountains Flowering in Autumn, repeating the often heard complaints
that a jockey should not have a more impressive name than his horse, spicing
up the dialogue with allusions to overcompensation, envy and more than
a little recreational impropriety involving a soccer ball.
No stranger to this sort of speculation Jubilee of the Five Mountains
Flowering in Autumn repeated the claim that he was the son of legendary
jockey Snitzy, reminded everyone in the press that his full name had to
be written out no matter what, ignored the vulgar implications with aplomb
and ruined the scene by calling both opponents mice in bed.
Ivan’s bellows were missed in Grapefruit’s attempt to punch Jubilee of
the Five Mountains Flowering in Autumn. Being the only horse there and
lacking hands and therefore fists ruined the attempt before it began.
Not even the race between these three and another four worthy contenders
took the fight out of them. If anything the exertion raised tempers.
Jubilee of the Five Mountains Flowering in Autumn attempted to put this
energy into the race, and may have won had not his steed Saturday Isn’t
Good For Me tripped and collided with fourth ranked contender No I Did
Not See This Coming.
Equipment failure means that the tie between Ivan on I Could Be Neo and
Alaskan Grapefruit may never be resolved, leading to the disgusting display
after the game which degenerated into a shouting match that makes the
average Presidential Debate look like a clean fight.
This is hardly an isolated incident, simply the most publicised and possibly
a dire warning of things to come.
It is rapidly becoming the opinion of many that the only possible solution
to this is to put an end to talking jockeys.