Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 12/12/05
Ultimate Snowman Challenge!!
It's that time of year again! That's right, the annual world champion
snowman competition is launching yet again! This beloved event got some
bad publicity last year, after attempts to hold the contest in Hawaii
resulted in the death of several well-known contesters, such as Frosty
XIX, and Sludgey IX, long-distance relative to the legendary Frosty line.
Tomorrow the fight for the championship title will begin with what is by many the most important part of the competition.. beauty! Mostly because this is the only time during the contest where all contenders are still whole, as opposed to dirtied up. Many of the larger snowmen feel at a disadvantage in this event, as they are not as perfectly round as the smaller ones, instead looking like cylinders stacked upon each other. Frosty XIX, while no Frosty XVII, is expected to rack home the highest points, with his timeless good looks and carrot nose, although Abe, if allowed to compete, might be a dangerous contestant with his almost human features, and highly interesting texture work.
The next event is guaranteed to rearrange some faces, and other parts too! The snowball fight is always fierce, but the ban against using shovels and catapults doesn't seem to have done anything to help the cold men's boiling temper and lust for mutilating one another. There are no warm feelings in the snowball fight. Aside from the ever so skilled Frosty, the giant known as Frackinuge, is a favourite contender. He might be the biggest and slowest, but while this makes him an easy target, it also means he has a very large surface area to cover, and he's also capable of throwing the largest snowballs with his oak branch arms, provided the “Abominable Snowman” doesn't get to compete. In which case the fight would get truly interesting.
And finally, of course, after the toboggan run, no snowman contest would
be complete without the weightlifting. While many contestants arms are
expected to snap like twigs (mostly because twigs tend to snap like twigs..),
high hopes are, once again, on Frosty XIX, and of course Frackinuge is
also quite capable in this event, but might have problems with his body
not holding when his arms do, leading to them quite simply falling out.
Abe, of course, does not have this problem, but as a creature of fairly
fleshy parts, he might not get to contend, and as such, the odds for him
winning are so far very low.
Really Pathetic Productions 2005 ©