Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 8/29/05

Tipsy soccer makes for bad goals.

By, Cozmic

It is a known fact that the biggest soccer fans watch the games drunk. So far this has only resulted in a few riots, some fighting and similar. Nothing too serious, only lots of people in the hospital.
Lately, however, soccer players decided to look at the people who make sure they get those huge amounts of money, instead of showing off. The aftermath of this has left the entire soccer world in chaos.
Because the most famous soccer stars thought that watching soccer while drunk was fun, then playing drunk would be better.
This resulted in stars having an even harder time hitting the goal with the ball, or, for that part, the ball itself. The sportsmanship is also quite horrible lately. Before, spitting on another player was a terrible, terrible thing to do, as demonstrated by Italian player Totti. Last week he set a new personal low when he vomited on another player. However, the judges were not sure it was intentional, so Totti is still allowed on the field.
Another problem that has cropped up lately occurs when shoelaces become untied. While most players only need a little help to tie them back together, (some even manage it themselves) lately this has proven an incredibly large issue with players stumbling around and tackling a bit more than usual.
The referees pretty much all decided to give up lately, as it's now impossible to see what's an unfair tackle and what is purely filming by throwing yourself on the ground when another player is nearby. Then again, most players tend to simply fall down randomly now anyway.
Of course, there's the other side of it all, which is that networks want to make millions by showing new reality shows about soccerplayers and their newfound drinking problems. The beer companies are making more money than ever before.
Yet, isn't sports about the actual game, and not some weird gimmick or making profits? According to FIFA, no.
In conclusion, soccer just wasn't meant to be played drunk.





 Really Pathetic Productions 2005