Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 7/19/05
Manpower to Yachting
By, Grey Sports
Always an intense, team oriented sport, yachting is being prepared for
a makeover to make it more appealing to all viewers as the majority of
people see the event as nothing more than a distraction for the idle rich.
Ever eager for attention these same idle rich are attempting to revamp
the image of their favorite hobby in order to compete with the mind numbing
“entertainment” of the masses.
In the beginning the plan was simple, to open slots in crews for those
of lower income and have them become a part of the crew. An entire Reality
TV series was planned around this, until it was revealed that Rob Lowe
was planning a similar series.
Loath to be considered copycats the idle rich have instead embarked on
an ambitious plan to triple the size of crews, managing this feat by turning
their yachts into longboats, the ancient Norse design that could use oars
Whilst this is not truly sailing and will not yet be allowed in the major
competitions small, local events are allowing it, citing the increased
mass of oars and crew outweighing any temporary advantage in terms of
speed and the massive, massive bribe that the rich of Europe and the US
have given to every official they can find. Only the bounds of taste have
prevented them from delivering a bribe of sufficient size to allow the
competitive use of these longboat yachts.
It is too soon to truly judge the success of this endeavor; it has drawn
a great deal of criticism. Principally the idea that only those of lower
income be placed on the oars while the idle rich maintain their aboveboard
positions is insulting to many. However since these people would object
to yachting anyway this has hardly affected anything.
Humans Rights organizations are making their feelings known and could
possibly cause some trouble for the revamping process.
These groups see a problem with the facilities onboard of these modified
yachts, specifically the fact that the only modifications were the additions
of oars, holes and a few planks to sit upon. Oars men, so far this remains
an unspokenly sexist sport, are stuck heaving in cramp conditions for
little or no reward. Consequently there are many groups that see this
Additionally this works against the ideals of the revamping, as it presents
the rich exploiting the poor.
Even knowing this there is still a significant pool of volunteers ready
and willing to take their place upon the boats. Much of this is put down
to the aura of yachting, the power and magnificence of sailing, and the
opportunity to rub elbows with financial betters, possibly saving one
or two grateful people from drowning. Or failing any of that to facilitate
an unfortunate incident or two.
Whether these tactics will hold until the next America’s Cup is unknown,
until then the oar powered yachts will remain a constant sight along the
golden coasts of the rich people beaches.