Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 2/22/09

Motown's Hobo Fashions
By Don Hellion
Tyron Davisís the name. Iím going to tell you all how to dress warm when you are broke and homeless.
You donít need money if you be smart. First youí all should remember that people are always leaving behind old clothes in these old housesÖ Donít mean nothiní ifín they gots holes in them. You going to be wearing a bunch any way.
You gotís to remember itís going to get real cold when you sleeping in a house with no heat and the window knocked out so you needs to wear lots of clothes. Make sure you get some that are too big on you .You do that because you is going to put on a lot and if they all are your size when you start piling them on they wonít be no mo wiggle room. Because if you are piling lots of clothes on you have to
get some of then big so they fit over the other ones. Same for shoes, you gonna to wear lots of socks so you want big shoes to fit over them. Sides, When itís cold you canít have too many socks on.

Now cold ainít the only thing you gotís to worry about.. Sometimes there are guys who might want to take your sleeping spot away from you or might try to steal the empties you collected to get that 40, so you needs to have some way to keep the them from cutting you or bustin you head. So one thing you can do to protect your noggin is take a pot like this and stuff it full of old rags. Then you run a belt through the handles and strap it under your chin ainít nobody bustiní your skull now.

If you donít want to get stabbed in the gut you can take these car floor mats and use a nail and a brick ta make holes in the edges, Then you takes a some cable TV cable and pull off this wire on the
outside and lace them together. I like using the cable wire Ďcause itís strong. House wire ainít as strong and besides you can sell it to get money to buy 40s.

Now thatís how Tyron Davis keeps his cheeks warm and his noggin in one piece.

Now if itís raining you can keep dry by taking a sheet of plastic and wrapping it over your shoulders. Now some people like to use trash bags and tear holed in themÖ I donít like them Ďcause they donít cover your arms so well. You can do that better with sheet plastic. Plastic bags are good for keeping your feet
dry so what you do is put them inside your shoes over your socks because if you put them out side youíll walk a hole in them real quick and works good in snow too.

And There you have it, thatís how you keep dry and warm when you ainít got no money.

Language: the words we use to communicate

By Puns McKenna

Communication is a great necessity in the world. Though many nations speak in different languages, we all seem to communicate in one way or another. I was always taught that communication is the key to successful relations, and if that isnít true, I donít know what is.

Letís face it! Communication is what has helped us avert wars and end conflicts. Look at this War on Terror that the US and many other countries are fighting right now. How did we manage to catch InsaneÖ I mean Hussein? Once you get passed all the hoopla and misinformation, what it comes down to is communication. Someone told someone else about the WMDs and we went in and raided his panty party.

What about the other terrorists weíve caught? Do you think we just happened to be strolling by while they were planning their bad bombings and say, ďHey! Youíre under arrest!Ē? Hardly! We had to find them. Then, once they were found, we had to get that information to the brass, so they could communicate it to the troops, so the terrorists could be caught. Iím not saying that we canít just happen by and catch the bad guys with their pants down, we canÖ we have. Itís just that, that isnít the only way to do it.

Now that said, communication is the key, but we have language barriers to deal with. They arenít horribly hard to deal with, but it does make for some rather interesting messages. Imagine what Secret Witness Arabia would send us. The message is all in Arabic and we have to translate it, right? We have to put it in English that other people can understand. But what do you do when the message you translate doesnít make sense? I mean how can you make, ďthe pizza is cold and the cat is in the milk bottleĒ, make sense? You canít really, though I suppose you could try to make it make metaphorical sense. Kind of like Picard does in the Next Gen episode, ďDarmokĒ.

I mean does Darmok and Jalad at Tenagra make any sense to any of you? Straight up word for word, not really, right? But if you look for the deeper meaning, perhaps youíll find one. I donít envy those that have to translate that kind of stuff, though, they have to weed through the mess of words that make no sense. Must make it very satisfying when you find that one message that didnít translate well into English, that tells you where a threat to the US is hiding. I can imagine that something like, ďrocks make home hidden and stuffyĒ, might take a while to get a fix on, but it would eventually come, kind of like a logic puzzle does.

So is the translation game all bad? Is it all hard work and no joy? Not really. Though it is difficult to translate the many languages of the world into English, we do eventually get the meaning. We do eventually find the bad guys. Maybe instead of straight up translating the words by meaning, we should begin using a sort of anagram type system though. I mean it would be relatively easy, though time consuming, to create anagram codes for all the languages of the world. Basically having each language have itís own set of code for what itís letters mean. The Romance languages would be easiest to that with, because they arenít that much different than English, but those which use ideograms or a different alphabet altogether would be a bit trickier. It could be interesting to see that idea put into use, though.

 Really Pathetic Productions 1997-2009©
Menu Bar By Albatross