Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 11/19/08

Cozmic's guide to fixing the economy
By Cozmic
So the world is out of money, more or less, and really, if I wanted to buy Iceland now would be the perfect time to do it. Of course, according to Douglas Adams, all the money in the universe is just imaginary anyway, meaning we are imagining being completely out of cash, and as such, really, we should not have a problem here.
However, obviously we do, and despite the dollar being higher now than it has been for the better part of the year (I blame getting rid of Bush optimism, by the way. For the fact it is higher now, I mean.), nobody still has any money. And by nobody I mean everyone who is not Activision Blizzard, who still print money with that thing known as Everque.. World of Warcraft. Of course, since they get fifteen dollars a month from everyone, this must mean that everyone has at least fifteen dollars, so we are totally back to that part about money not being real and just imagined, which is doubly true because supposedly the world owes itself more money than it lent itself, which in this case means more money than exists, meaning, you know, we spent it all and now none of it exists.
However, with the release of the latest expansion for World of Warcraft, Temper Tantrum of the Undead Guy with a Silly Crown,Blizzard has managed to get people to not only spend a substantial amount of money and time each month, time, being sort of real, being the more valuable of the two, they now also had people spend an even more substantial amount of money to trick themselves into thinking they were now having more fun while spending the first substantial amount of time and money on the game.
Face it, by now the imaginary sums of money at Activision Blizzard take a lot of imagination, and they could probably open up their own bank if it was not for the fact that they are probaby their own bail-out, and the bank business has gone straight to the Outlands, beyond the Portal, off to Molten Core with Leeroy Jenkins.. oh nevermind, it has gone to HELL!

Still, if our hope of restoring this busted up, imaginary economy of ours, it should turn to the people who each month, from having a server running alone, rake in somehwre around one hundred and sixty five MILLION dollars, and then hopefully make some money from all those games they release, and then give it all back to the people they stole it from in the first place, or to charity, or just give it up because it is all imaginary anyway, and what is the point of owning something everyone has already thought of and that does not exist?
Of course, for a laugh they could just buy Iceland and rename it Northrend or whatever.

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