Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 4/14/08

Thoughts from Nevada
A long…long time ago… on a golf course far away….
By, Puns McKenna
Twenty years ago the golf course was a reasonable size. The clubs were the size of silver dollars and the players weren’t too worn out to get to the 19th Hole. Now they need rash carts and Cardiologists on standby. And that’s just for the younger players. They need the coroner for the older players.
Not a very promising thought, is it? Now, one could make the assumption that they’re making the clubs bigger and the courses longer for the old fogies that play. I mean it stands to reason that if the old timers need larger print in their books, they’d need larger everything, right? Not as much as you’d think. I mean heck, we all know that with modern medicine most older people have better eyesight than the younger generations.

All that aside, though, I wonder if they’re going to start making the golfer bigger, just to suit the course. Can’t you just see it? “Ogre wins Masters!” Eep! I mean statistically we are breeding larger and larger people, and no I ain’t talkin about the ones that sit “around” the house. I’m talking the 7’5” giants that we have playing basketball. Kind of makes all of us short sheets feel lost in a sea of legs.

And that’s just the concern of the little folk. No, I’m not talking about those of us that don’t break 5’5”. I’m talking about the wee folk….the Fae… Leprechauns. What, you don’t believe in leprechauns? Bah! They’re real. They just don’t like to make a BIG deal of their presence. Until now, apparently. As we all know, the little folk like to live in places that are green and fertile. And what’s more green and fertile than a golf course?

Well, the wee folk are just as keen on playing golf as us big folk. But problems are starting to crop up now that equipment is getting bigger, and the courses getting longer too. The wee folk just can’t compete with the big folk anymore. Tied and true methods of golfing are being shoved aside for the bigger better deal. Surprise, surprise! The wee folk are irritated, so much so that they intend to boycott golf courses worldwide.

Their message? “Equal rights for Leprechaun golfers! Shorten the length of courses before greens dry brown and die.”

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