Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 1/20/08

Thoughts from Nevada:
Kensington gore! The new way to make a horror flick sell
By, Puns McKenna

We all know what we want from a horror film. But one has to ask their self if Hollywood is providing it. Are we getting quality horror, or are we getting all the cool special effects and none of the plot? I’d say it’s the latter. I mean let’s look at what’s come out of Hollywood in recent years.
Freddie vs. Jason… Halloween part 800… Dead or Alive… The Thirst…. Are we seeing a trend here? I can tell you what all of these have in common. Great special effects… no plot! It seems to be all about the blood and guts nowadays. I mean take a look at The Thirst. You want to know what it’s about? Blood! That and vampires that drool like leaking faucets. I recommend that you get a bucket and a towel before you watch this. It’s a nasty depiction of my favorite legend. The plot? I can sum it up for you in a few words. My girlfriend had cancer. This vampire bit her. Now she’s “dead”. I see her everywhere I go, especially this freaky goth-esque nightclub. I go upstairs to see a bloodbath.

What ever happened to the good horror flicks? You know, Night of the Living Dead… The Exorcist… Poultrygeist… Richard Simmons… Aliens… and the like. Why is it that they have to play up the gunky gross fake blood and Cheetos? If you want my advice, stay home and watch it on your own TV. Don’t waste the price of a ticket on anything labeled horror that comes out of Hollywood. Unless of course it’s the latest newsreels on Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, then it might be worth the price of a ticket.

I don’t even know where to begin describing the “wow cool special effects” genre of movies. That which they bill as horror these days is a money pit of fake blood and dry ice. Do y’all remember when they used to call movies B-rate? The movies of the ‘30’s, ‘40’s, ‘50’s, etc… that people thought were hokey. I propose a new rating system. The Gag-Reflex ratings. One gag means that it’s not too bad, it’s just a little gross. Two gags mean you’ve got a real stinky pile forming. Three or more gags means bring a bucket and a bag of rotten tomatoes.

 Really Pathetic Productions 1997-2007©
Menu Bar By Albatross