Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 12/16/07

Xphile’s Tapes XIX: The Real Judges Of Fate
By, Grey Xphile

After all this time I finally have some hard evidence about the true masters, the ones behind the curtain behind the man behind the curtain behind the innocuous little dog that no one notices.
You see we all like to believe we are in control of our lives, that everything is either random or changeable by our own efforts and talents.
Such is not the case.
Sad as it may seem the powers that be won’t let us have the smallest thing. Everything is calculated, controlled, puppeted like a muppet made of tinsel.
Even that which we thought was either random or obviously manipulated, not so.
I speak of course of American Idol.
Everyone knows the show, three judges, one mean, one pretty, one Gloria Estefan. With a line up that included Simon Calwell it was always assumed that some rigging was involved, it was all that made sense.
And yet Calwell has never been a talented liar. Just look at his string of compliments, a mere two of which have been genuine because you can see his face trying to explode when he praises someone he considers unworthy of anything other than.
A handicap like this makes him unsuitable for any sort of conspiracy, deception is beyond him because an unrealistic façade!
So if not Calwell who is behind this?
It’s a little known fact that forty nine percent of the world’s music is ultimately owned by Michael Jackson. Sir Paul McCartney owns forty eight percent, Sean “Puffy” Coombes owns two percent with the remaining percentage owned by numerous small interests.
Jackson, McCartney and Coombes generally decide what goes on within the music world, between them they have that much control.
Naturally Michael and Paul would prefer it otherwise, however they have long been stalemated in their purchase of music, ultimately leaving Coombes in a position of power.
Foolishly Coombes thinks that this can last forever. However Jackson and Sir Paul are playing the long game.
McCartney awaits the day when Michael goes under the knife once more and fails to wake again, while Jackson simply awaits the passage of time.
Sadly Jackson has started to use injection moulded faces that are easily swapped or replaced, and Sir Paul is not actually Paul McCartney, but a body double who assumed the McCartney identity decades ago and has become an undead cyborg with a theoretically unlimited lifespan.
At any rate these are the beings who hold our American Idol winner in the palms of their hands, deciding our one hit wonders and add water celebrities with little or no concern for what people really need to discuss around the water cooler.

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