Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 10/31/07

Xphile’s Tapes XVIII: It’s The Time To Be Wary
By, Grey Xphile

Lord knows I’ve tried to warn people. Warn everyone about what happens at this time of year. How the zombies get up and prowl around the streets instead of just watching American Idol or joining the Democrats.
How the vampires roam freely among us in bars and theatres because everyone thinks they’re just in costume instead of secluding themselves away in the Republican party or writing blogs about cake.
Oh how I’ve warned you all only to have no one listen.
It’s as if no one notices that Hillary Clinton avoids silver, that no one has seen Brad Pitt cross his own shadow, as if Tom Cruise’s continuing ability to get work is somehow the result of talent!
Normally the monsters go about their monstery business fearful that they will be discovered and acting appropriately, reining in their actions, sometimes even acting contrary to their nature.
Everyone remembers the time they saw werewolves line dancing. The audience just thought they were a bunch of particularly hairy Texans and in two of the seven cases they were right. But aside from those two women it was a bunch of werewolves out in the open and effectively ignored by an audience of hundreds, so effective was the contradiction of line dancing werewolves.
Look on Youtube if you don’t believe me, the video is there, they won third place!
Now they’re out in public, doing what they want, joining our parties, handing out candy to small children, drinking our beer!
Of course those of you who actually listen to me are wondering just what we are supposed to do. After all, isn’t it just this one day of the year they can get up and wander around unmolested?
Yes and no.
There is a lot that can be done in one day, however thanks to the phrases “little early for Halloween” or “little late for Halloween” there is in fact a period in which they will get odd looks but no real suspicion.
When better to go out and buy a car, join all the right parties without ridiculous amounts of makeup or even participate in a game show.
These all sound small to us, we who can do this sort of thing everyday, even if we don’t take the opportunity to punch Alex Trebeck when it presents itself.
Then again I think he’s some other sort of monster.
But it all comes down to this, it’s the one day of the year when the most frightening creatures of the world can be mundane!
In everything!
Even their own lives!
I mean which is more horrifying, the thought that around the corner is the creature from the Black Lagoon or the idea that a banshee is sitting around the house, eating chips and watching a Hugh Grant film?
Assuming of course that the Hugh Grant film isn’t bad enough in itself.

 Really Pathetic Productions 1997-2007©
Menu Bar By Albatross