Past Opinion Articles
Article for the week of 10/30/06
Reality TV needs to stop! That's right, you heard me, the thing which
pollutes our TVs, melts our minds and in general mean you can achieve
fame for being stupid without having Hilton as your last name, reality
TV, needs to stop! When people make shows about farmers attempts to get
married, and have it done as absolutely everything else, there is something
disturbing about the world. Well, actually, it only gets really disturbing
when you see all these 19-year olds wanting to get married to some 28-year
old dude who's best friend is a bull. You're 19, you shouldn't be getting
married, you should be getting hammered, panic about what you're supposed
to do with your life, and have enough damn self respect not to appear
Well I say it is time we fought back! That's right, anti-reality TV! It
has worked in the past, it can work in the present! Take MacGuyver, for
instance. The man made a hand grenade and a landmine from pinecones and
treesap! And what is worse, that was still better than that so called
Another fine example is the A-team. Are we honestly to believe there are
men who can beat up Mr. T? Only in the most unrealistic of worlds, the
same world where nobody ever gets shot, although cars constantly flip
over. The 80's, quite simply had the right idea, but nowadays someone
has to be voted off, or they have to struggle to come to grips with how
one person is a dumb blonde, and another is an old hag. Nowadays, we require
complications in our TV (what the hell for, anyway?). Well, how do you
make complicated TV that has people being voted off and that still gives
reality TV a kick in the face? Don't expect any villain, err, I mean TV
producer, to come up with a good idea. And remember, if these hit the
TV, you will know where you saw them first.
MacGuys: Random people are chosen to work in a burger restaurant (and
the craziest part is they need to be interesting people, and possibly
MIT graduates), and then they have to solve crime, using only their superior
intellect and the stuff at hand (burgers!). Whoever the audience finds
least entertaining, and thus has the worst inventions, gets kicked off.
And no, the stuff they come uo with don't HAVE to be realistic, just funny.
Punks vs. Norris: Anyone, anyone, gets to fight a round versus Chuck Norris.
And since this is anti-reality TV, they might even possibly win. But only
after they've been bickering for a week about who in the grand studio
apartment full of roaches (because TV could afford something nice, but
doesn't spend the dough) gets to actually fight Norris, only to get roundhouse
kicked in the face and carried off on a stretcher.
Or maybe we could just see some TV where Paris Hilton IS completely ignored
because she lacks anything resembling talent, and the world would be a
much better place. Or failing that, at least can we see something good,
like re-runs of the A-team at a reasonable hour?