Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 10/30/06

Anti-reality TV!

By, Cozmic

Reality TV needs to stop! That's right, you heard me, the thing which pollutes our TVs, melts our minds and in general mean you can achieve fame for being stupid without having Hilton as your last name, reality TV, needs to stop! When people make shows about farmers attempts to get married, and have it done as absolutely everything else, there is something disturbing about the world. Well, actually, it only gets really disturbing when you see all these 19-year olds wanting to get married to some 28-year old dude who's best friend is a bull. You're 19, you shouldn't be getting married, you should be getting hammered, panic about what you're supposed to do with your life, and have enough damn self respect not to appear on reality-TV!
Well I say it is time we fought back! That's right, anti-reality TV! It has worked in the past, it can work in the present! Take MacGuyver, for instance. The man made a hand grenade and a landmine from pinecones and treesap! And what is worse, that was still better than that so called reality TV.
Another fine example is the A-team. Are we honestly to believe there are men who can beat up Mr. T? Only in the most unrealistic of worlds, the same world where nobody ever gets shot, although cars constantly flip over. The 80's, quite simply had the right idea, but nowadays someone has to be voted off, or they have to struggle to come to grips with how one person is a dumb blonde, and another is an old hag. Nowadays, we require complications in our TV (what the hell for, anyway?). Well, how do you make complicated TV that has people being voted off and that still gives reality TV a kick in the face? Don't expect any villain, err, I mean TV producer, to come up with a good idea. And remember, if these hit the TV, you will know where you saw them first.
MacGuys: Random people are chosen to work in a burger restaurant (and the craziest part is they need to be interesting people, and possibly MIT graduates), and then they have to solve crime, using only their superior intellect and the stuff at hand (burgers!). Whoever the audience finds least entertaining, and thus has the worst inventions, gets kicked off. And no, the stuff they come uo with don't HAVE to be realistic, just funny.
Punks vs. Norris: Anyone, anyone, gets to fight a round versus Chuck Norris. And since this is anti-reality TV, they might even possibly win. But only after they've been bickering for a week about who in the grand studio apartment full of roaches (because TV could afford something nice, but doesn't spend the dough) gets to actually fight Norris, only to get roundhouse kicked in the face and carried off on a stretcher.

Or maybe we could just see some TV where Paris Hilton IS completely ignored because she lacks anything resembling talent, and the world would be a much better place. Or failing that, at least can we see something good, like re-runs of the A-team at a reasonable hour?