Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 6/26/06

Bring on the nuclear winter!
By, Cozmic

Face it: global warming is melting ice-cream faster than I can eat it. And that is a serious issue. Now, we could solve this by, say, cutting down on all those pollutants we release into the air, but I say it is our right to ruin this planet as much as we want! The heat, however, is becoming unbearable!
Imagine this, you step out in the sun, and suddenly your feet are in an ever increasing puddle of sweat, melted meat and bone. Imagine reaching for the ice cream shop door when the searing handle sets your hands aflame. And imagine all those politicians sitting with their giant air-conditioners, paid for by your money, eating ice-cream, and saying you will simply have to deal with it.
I refuse to deal with it when the solution is so breathtakingly simple, AND could help the world become a much less dangerous place. There is an insane number of nuclear weapons out there, most of them ready to blow up Russia, North Korea, and the entire part of the middle-east that does not include oil. The rest are pointed at the source of the other ones, or Pakistan. As you can see, this brings on the option to destroy the world far too quickly and hurt everyone. See, nuclear weapons are bad. And the maintenance costs are sky high! So what's the simple solution to both the heat problem, the nuclear disarmament, and probably something else like world hunger? Violence, what else!?
Nuke something unimportant, and watch the cold happily spread. Make a popsicle just by putting some Kool-aid or something outside your doorstep and place a stick in it. Sell hot cocoa year around., Drink hot cocoa all year around. Have penguins walk on your doorstep. Watch your neighbour rot from radioactivity. Snowboard or ice-skate to work. See, everybody wins!What are we waiting for? I say bring on the nuclear winter now! We can do it, we can live with chilly things year around! And if we want to change it, we can just get more pollutants in the air. Do you know how much more expensive your car is because it's supposed to save the environment? Far too much, that's how much! I say screw the environment and do what is comfortable now, nobody is going to remember we screwed up later anyway! Now go out there and launch those nukes! And aim them at that country of espionage gone wrong, Canada! Nobody will miss it anyway, as nobody watches the NHL.