Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 6/9/06

Extraterrestrial Telephone Network

By, Puns McKenna

It occurs to me, that alien species may be trying to contact us, and we just don't realize it.

I was sitting at home reviewing yet another story idea when I heard a noise that I'd heard hundreds of times before, and felt my brain be struck by lightning.

*Ding*

Little light bulb above my head just like in those Saturday morning Cartoons we all watch(ed). Yes I still watch Looney Tunes™ with my kids. Anyway, so I'm sitting there, reviewing this story, when I hear the sound, and I think to myself... "E.T. Phone Home."

Now it's been a good, many years since I've seen E.T.©. And I know I'm not tired, got plenty of good sleep the night before. Well, this thought just struck me as weird. I read an article several days ago, about a man who received a telephone bill totaling in the trillions of dollars. Now I thought to myself, the only way a person could rack up that high of a phone bill in one lifetime is if they were making [i]Loooong[/i] distance phone calls.

The kind of long distance phone calls where it takes days to reach the other party, because they're across the solar system. And it occurred to me that perhaps these phone calls were made to someplace like Pluto or Jupiter, which got me to wondering just what or who we'd have to talk to out there. The answer that came to mind? Extraterrestrials.

First of all, why are they termed "extraterrestrials"? Well because they don't reside here on terra (Earth for all those folks who haven't seen a movie about aliens). Yet, I wonder. If there aren't any "extraterrestrials" on earth, how come we keep seeing their flyin saucers? Simple! There are "extraterrestrials" living on Earth. They're watchin us, like some sort of specimen in a science experiment, and reporting back to their base on the Moon, or Jupiter, or Pluto, or wherever about our progress.

Now you all are probably thinking I'm nuts, right? Well I can't deny that, but I am hearing this noise. And it isn't just me, and it isn't just at home. There's a distortion pattern that I hear in my car, on the TV, in various businesses around town, and in other people's houses. The frequency in which the sound it heard makes me wonder if E.T. has learned Morse code.

Maybe they want us to know they’re here? No clue, but you know what, I doubt we’re any more interesting to E.T than lab rats are to scientists. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see what they have in store for us, but until then, I won’t be making any long distance phone calls.